Do you believe in the right person at the wrong time?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy 4 years ago whilst training together at work.

He approached me first whilst I was working. He asked me if I was the girl he was gonna be partnered with when training and I said yes obviously.

After that we really hit it off and stuck together. We found out we had loads in common, we found out both are mums worked together, we both love seals 🦭 and peach flavoured ice tea and like all the same bands. We both enjoy photography and travelling and star gazing and both dream of going Japan to see the cherry blossom festival.

I thought this guy was super cool even though he's a little younger than me and we played are relationship off like siblings and were extremely close. We'd recommend date spots to each other regularly for are partners and he'd always ask about my boyfriend (husband).

He broke up with his girlfriend and i was thr first he told about it. I feel terrible for saying this but I tried to set him up with a friend to detract myself from liking him like that.

The relationship got awkward after a while because we could both sense tension between us and we both would actively try and avoid each other even though we really struggled to because once we got talking we couldn't stop.

He admitted to having feels for me but he understood nothing would ever happen and respects my relationship and I told him he's too young to commit to something serious and i only love my husband. I told him he needed to travel and do all the things he wanted to do in life before settling for someone.

Not long after that he left to pursue his dreams of being a photographer and he's doing really well and becoming really successful. I've bumped into him a couple times and he even gave me a lift home once after seeing me shopping. He hugged me and said he waw really happy for me getting married.

Updates

4 mo

Every girl he's dated since looks just like me. Slightly chubby, petite and blonde. He likes every picture of me on social media and ignores all the ones with my husband in.

I love my husband so much. We are complete opposites but I think thats what makes us work. My husband has the biggest heart and treats me like a queen. I try not to think what if because my heart would break just thinking of hurting my husband that's not me.

Updates

4 mo

He recently broke up with his girlfriend and im pregnant with my first child. I saw him in the park the other week as his brother is a bmx stunt guy and they were doing a show for the locals. He just looked at me and smiled but I could see sadness in his eyes. I don't love him like that and its getting to the point im thinking I need to stop being his friend as he clearly still holds a candle for me and he needs to move on

[HollyK21]

To answer your question I don’t really believe in right person wrong time, I believe that if it were meant to happen it would’ve, and you guys ultimately chose for it not to work. You chose your husband, and decided the other dude was too immature. That’s not timing, it’s a decision you need to make peace with.


It probably brings you guilt to admit (and I’m sure you don’t even want to admit) you still have feelings for your friend, that “what if” is there, but if you really love your husband then let him go. No more friendship or hanging on at any capacity because there’s elements of care and even romance there that you can’t help but reminisce on and question. If it were your husband doing this over another woman in his past, and they were still connected in some way, I have a strong feeling you wouldn’t like that. It would make you uncomfortable and insecure, assuming you even knew about it because your hubby doesn’t know you feel his way.

[Asker]

I agree im definitely the jealous type but I get jealous because I love my husband and think he's amazing and I don't want any other girls stealing him from me.

Me and my husband are both very open and honest with each other because we believe its the healthiest way in a marriage to be.

I told my husband i thought my friend was cute before and teased him about it in the early days. Nothing cruel obviously and we joke when ever I see him looking at a girl jogging or something. We are both mature about it and know each other still have eyes and find other people attractive as long as we don't cheat and don't cross the line.

Me and my husband are both each other's first in everything and we do talk about "what if" we'd dated other people before meeting etc.

In reality I know me and this guy would never work. he's not like my husband my husband is the prefect husband, he works his arse off at his job, he's an amazing cook and has the sweetest heart.

My friend on the other hand I dont really know him like that and he's still very young and not ready for a stable relationship. He still wants to go drinking etc and wouldn't be able to fit my high standards.

I wouldn't ruin a great marriage on a "what if"

[Asker]

I feel horrible and ashamed to even think "what if" i know that proves that I love my husband. I think a lot of it comes from both being inexperienced and each other's first and we've both spoken about this.

My husband is my baby. I even cried yesterday watching an interview from a male dv survivor because I just thought it could never hurt my husband like that. My worst fear is if something bad ever happened to him like him getting killed at work or something.

[HollyK21]

Don’t get me wrong, you’re human first, perfect never. It is normal to still find other men/women visually attractive, but that isn’t the problem here. You have actual, lingering romantic feelings no matter how little they are. You still talk as if he’s an option, which I’m sure isn’t your intention whatsoever but let me explain how. When you say things like you’ve discussed with the other guy in the past why you wouldn’t work (aka when he confessed to having feelings back in the day and you gave him your reasons why), along with the verbiage used in your response now where you write all the ways and reasons you won’t work, in current time, not past tense.

I would never make these observations about another man aside from my fiancé. let alone towards the same man, all these years later and I’ve been married the whole time. I wouldn’t even consider the potential anymore because it was never there, you’ve always been married. Maybe you’ve had a bit of a wandering eye since your man is your first and only, you don’t know anything else and who knows maybe as you get older your preferences change. In any case, if I were you I wouldn’t think about my friend in that way anymore. Not the reasons why we didn’t work or talking to him since I still like him deep down. This surpasses simple jealousy with Tori husband, I don’t think you’d be happy at all knowing he still has feelings for someone that he still has contact with. I don’t want you to be offended or take anything I’m saying as an attack or personally, this is just outside perspective of the road you’re traveling.

[HollyK21]

One last thing, coming from woman to woman because I have no intention of making you feel bad, but this is some food for thought. If anything I think your feelings for the other guy show that you aren’t entirely satisfied. You love your husband to death but you also met him young and are only getting older. It’s possible to outgrow relationships and people, which may be the case here. I’m sure that’s hurtful to consider but I think giving that some serious thought is the I my way you’ll overcome your feelings for your friend. Maybe this situation with your friend is bringing some things to light that you feel guilty for considering or maybe don’t even want to consider. But that’s part of growing up, having the hard talks with yourself.

[HollyK21]

**is the only way you’ll overcome your feelings**

[jahaims]

Nah, that's just what immature people say to cope with being selfish.

[AI Opinion]

Oh la la, your story sounds straight out of a rom-com! 🌸 Sparks flying yet roads untaken, isn't that the classic tale of the right person at the wrong time? Sometimes two souls connect, light up the skies (or in your case, the seal beaches and cherry blossoms) but aren’t meant to be more than amazing friends. Enjoy the excitement you both shared and cherish it as part of your adventure! Remember, there's magic in all forms of love—even in the ones that teach us to appreciate what we already have. Keep those memories close, and treasure your beautiful family! 🌟

[DishLady]

Yeah I do.

[slatyb]

Yes, I do. It's happened to me a couple of times.