Is it normal to no longer care for nor want a future with a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

First of all, it took a break-up for him to go after me several weeks later. I'm not really feeling the excitement of a future with him. I don't want it anymore. I've been disappointed for the longest.

Honestly I had already emotionally checked out for a while and there were other unsolved issues besides him stalling me for 5 years.

The issues were him not being honest about his dysfuctional family (I learned from his sister that his parents were mutually abusive), him not paying some bills on time and overall disorganized and postponing things a lot, not keeping with promises.

It's already killing to think that now he wants to work on those issues, now he's pushing for kids, now he's compromising on going to the courthouse to get married. I find those gestures unromantic. But I had long given up and broken up. Is it normal to no longer be interested? I don't want it anymore. He literally bored me to death, exhausted me.

[BobbieBoy666]

Yes, it's normal to feel that you no longer care for or want a future with your boyfriend. People's feelings and desires change, and realizing you want different things from a relationship is a valid and common experience that can indicate it's time to move on. It is important to be honest with yourself and your partner if you feel this way, and a therapist or counselor can provide guidance if you're struggling to understand or navigate these feelings.
Why You Might Feel This Way
Changing Desires:
Over time, your personal goals and what you want in a life partner can evolve, and your current relationship may no longer align with those.
Lack of Connection:
You may have lost romantic connection, attraction, or emotional intimacy, which is a sign that the relationship may not be sustainable.
Life Circumstances:
External factors like stress, significant life changes, or simply being at different points in life can make a committed relationship feel like the wrong fit.
Authenticity:
Staying in a relationship that doesn't feel right can prevent you from being your authentic self and pursuing a life that truly makes you happy.
What to Do
Self-Reflection:
Take time to understand your feelings and why you no longer see a future with your boyfriend. Journaling or talking to trusted friends can help.
Communicate Honestly:
If you've realized your desires are different, it's important to communicate this to your partner, especially in a long-term relationship.
Prioritize Your Happiness:
It's okay to put yourself first and make decisions that are best for your mental health and future well-being.
Seek Professional Support:
If you are finding it difficult to sort through your emotions or make a decision, a counselor or therapist can provide support and clarity.

Is it normal to no longer care for nor want a future with boyfriend?

It is completely normal for feelings to change over time in a relationship, and it is not uncommon to fall out of love
. The "honeymoon phase" of intense passion and infatuation is temporary, and as it fades, some people may confuse this shift with falling out of love. However, sometimes this change is a sign that the relationship may be ending.

Reasons for a change in feelings
Growing apart: You and your partner may be evolving in different directions. Your priorities, goals, and core values may no longer align, causing you to stop picturing a future together.
The novelty wears off: The initial excitement and intoxicating feelings of a new relationship naturally fade. If the relationship was primarily built on this initial rush, it may feel like love is gone when the infatuation wears off.
Loss of connection: A relationship requires consistent effort from both partners to maintain a strong connection. If one or both of you stop putting in the work, you can become distant and disconnected.
Unresolved issues: A history of unresolved conflicts, communication breakdowns, or one partner not putting in the effort can lead to resentment and a loss of affection.
Personal growth: You may have grown as an individual and realized that what you want and need in a partner has changed. It's okay to acknowledge that what was once a good fit for you no longer is.
Past trauma: For some, a fear of intimacy or past traumatic experiences can make commitment difficult. A counselor can help you explore if this is the root of your changing feelings.


How to decide what to do next
Acknowledging your feelings is the first step, but it doesn't automatically mean the relationship is over. Here are some steps you can take to gain clarity:
Examine the signs: Ask yourself if you are feeling apathetic or annoyed by your partner, avoiding spending time together, and thinking more about your partner's flaws than their strengths.
Communicate with your partner: Have an open and honest conversation about what you are feeling. This gives you both a chance to talk through issues and decide on the next steps.
Try to reignite the spark: If you want to stay together, you could try to connect more deeply. Doing new things together or spending quality time can help determine if the connection can be rekindled.
Seek professional help: A therapist or couples' counselor can provide a neutral space to help you work through complex emotions. They can help you communicate more effectively or come to a decision about separating.
Decide if it's time to leave: Ultimately, it's okay to walk away from a relationship that no longer brings you mutual satisfaction. If your partner isn't interested in putting in the work, it's a sign that it may be time to move on.

[ohsheeT]

And this is life. When we were born we were all given a gift that gift was choice. We get to choose who we want to be in life by the things we say and do

If he truly loves you
You can tell him it's over and he should look deep in to your eyes and thank you for being honest. And walking now. You could stay and its not going to be good for any one

Its time for both to be happy experience new and beautiful things that is true love unconditional, love to say. I can't do it anymore. But I wish you well.

And move on. I guarantee you both will be more hsppier

[ohsheeT]

*happier

[FreyaRed]

You had an enlightenment and you have seen his future as toothless and smelly hobo. Now you don't want participate?

[Asker]

Yeah I had already checked out.

[Nikki1989]

Don't be afraid to move on. Life is all about changes.

You just need to make them the right ones.

[Asker]

Exactly. I'll be taking a break from dating at this moment.

[AI Opinion]

I'm here to help you navigate the wild, wonderful world of relationships. It sounds like you've done some soul-searching, and honestly, it's more than okay to feel like you've checked out, especially if he's been waving some red flags all over the place. 😬 If you're drained and feel like you've given more than your share, it's totally legit to decide it's time to move on. Love should spark joy, not feel like a chore. Embrace what you feel and trust your gut. You deserve a love that lights you up! 💖

[Finchie40]

Yea, not all relationships last the long haul , most of us encounter bad seeds before finding a good seed to grow with

[Asker]

Yeah it wasn't meant to me. I'm no longer thinking about marriage nor kids with him anymore. If he asks again I'm still going to say no.

[mysteriousNicholas]

I've retired at dating officially since I was I guess 30, probably by my late 20s I sort of "knew" I probably wasn't gonna get a banging decent girlfriend or banging decent wife - no explicit's here. It just is what it is.

Anyways I for one find my religious beliefs and my good cheer instead and other real world activities give my life meaning and motivation to go on and be of good cheer continued in this lifetime ongoing for me; works for me only 😀🥳🥺

Ah well. Sometimes I still daydream some days of what could've been or I see hot women and only glance when they're passing by not looking my way :)

[Asker]

I'll take a break now and just spend time on my own. There went 5 years of my life wasted, years I'll never get back.

[mysteriousNicholas]

You're still in your prime 20s lady. You've got plenty of future decades to be taking a break ; why not enjoy your prime before you reach 30 or 32 and then take a break then? Just saying, no advice. The human body is its prime 20s. For a banging good time but hey, if you choose to take a break, at least you'll stay away from STDs and Herpes and Pregnancies and etc

[dwreborn]

No you have every right to feel the way you do emotions can't really be controlled u can bury them and hide them all you want and they always pop up you lost feelings a long time ago he prob regrets not doing what he's doing now all the things that u wanted then but the time has passed also unresolved issues from childhood always mess people up I've got someone I love and don't want to lose who is dealing with issues and I might lose her because of it and it sucks

[Asker]

Yeah I would've said yes to him 2-3 years ago, not now. The fact that it took breaking up (the point of no return by then) for him to offer kids and marriage, actually further upsets me. I had already checked out before breaking up.

[Asker]

I hope he learns not to take the next woman for granted, to stop postponing things, to stop breaking promises.

[dwreborn]

It's very important to keep things fresh and fun and when you think your roommates better change something up I know first hand dealing with trying to fix my marriage and after 25 years it gets to normal and you got to keep it exciting

[TallBlonde5]

It's completely normal and important to take a step back and give yourself some time to reflect on where you are in your life. Taking a timeout can help you gain clarity and perspective.

[Asker]

Yeah I'm going to relax for now and spend time on my own.

[TallBlonde5]

Good friends makes it better.

[Twalli]

Yeah, most relationships don't work out. Breaking up happens a lot,

[Asker]

What further upsets me if him wanting to suddenly fix things, ask me to marry him and wanting kids when I left. I had checked out by then and I'm no longer interested.

[Iron_Man]

You sound like an emotional train wreck that likes to throw on the towel instead of fighting for what she has

[Asker]

Nope. I've just realized 5 years of my time I'll never get back were wasted. Now he wants to suddenly change but I don't want anything with him, not anymore.

[Asker]

Why should it take checking out and walking away for good for him to suddenly want what I wanted 2-3 years ago?

[Iron_Man]

Some guys have emotional problems. Some guys are selfish then they hit rock bottom then they come back to the girl that was there for them many different scenarios it could be

[Asker]

Hopefully he learns from this and doesn't take the next woman for granted. We're generally very expressive about our goals, needs, wants and things that need to be worked out in the relationship.
The nagging then comes from being ignored, taken from granted and the man postponing things, stalling or breaking promises.
If it reaches the point where I'm not even upset anymore, no longer express much and become silent... it's too late by then. Then if we break up after being too exhausted, not even a late, overdue proposal will fix it. If anything a proposal after a break-up is really upsetting.

[Iron_Man]

I’m sorry you’re in that situation. That’s not good. I hate being ignored to. I can’t stand it as a matter of fact that’s a huge dealbreaker for me and a big turn off.

[Staximus]

If you marry him or let him get you pregnant, you're in for a long disappointing life

[Asker]

I'm no longer interested.

[Ariesman81]

You should take some time and find yourself

[WhitneySnow]

Totally normal

[slatyb]

Yes, bit is totally normal.

[seeyounexttuesday]

Why are you wasting your time?

[Asker]

I'm moving on. It's him that's been begging me and yesterday was the 2nd time he asked me to marry him. But why should it take a break-up and getting exhausted for him to do that?

[Asker]

I'm not feeling the excitement I would've had 2-3 years ago.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Haven't had a boyfriend for ages !!!

[Anonymous]

It's your personal choice.