Have you ever "tested" or "been tested" by a boyfriend/girlfriend to determine whether you/they are "really" in love?

[OlderAndWiser]

More than once, I have heard a woman say, "If you really love me, you'd fight for us." None of those relationships lasted. That tactic always made me feel disrespected and manipulated; it was not what I wanted in a partner. . . but others may feel differently.

Have you ever done anything to consciously test a partner? Have you ever had a partner do something to test you? How did that work out?

[DishLady]

Ok, so yes and no.

Whether we do it intentionally or not, every interaction is a bit of a test.

We're subconsciously testing whether a person is a good fit for our personality and values -- even just as friends.

The other day I finally had it out with someone who I said was supposed to be a friend and simply wasn't acting like a friend. I know he wants more than that, but he hasn't stated so, he said "friends"... and then behaves badly if I show up looking nice or doing something that others all find really cool. I told him I was fed up. He said ok... we were parting ways...

But then he asked for a talk and I agreed and we *did* talk. Will there be any progress? From what I can see... very little bc he likes to keep prodding and testing and I've hit a point where that's just not ok. Either we're friends or we're not. I want to trust who I'm with at any level.

So now he gets what he gets, which is less of my time, my stories, my life.

I'm saying all this bc to a point it's OK and EXPECTED that we'll test one another to measure things like sense of humor or common interests in people we want to be around at any level. And of course not ALL friends or romantic interests are of the same calibre. Some are very well read but have no sense of humor, others are all fun and games but no substance. It doesn't mean they're bad people, just that the "space" you occupy with them will be limited to certain conceptual quatrains in your life -- and that's ok!

What's NOT ok is the INFINITE TESTER who just has fun poking at you and playing games with people.

[Zionne]

Exactly. If a partner truly cares, it’ll be obvious through how they treat you day-to-day, not through manufactured challenges. Tests often make the relationship feel like a competition rather than a partnership.

[Chazmatazz269]

Of course, when i was young i would sh*t test my girlfriend. She usually passed. She sh*t tested me too, and i usually passed. To be honest, we both stayed in it long past time to call it because the sex was too good.
I don’t do sh*t tests anymore. I won’t tolerate them either. I quit dating like a child in my twenties.

[worldscolide]

I have been tested.. I removed her from my life as a result

[AI Opinion]

As your go-to relationship coach, I'm all about genuine connections, not love games. Those "tests" can feel like playing with fire without the marshmallows. If someone needs to pull a "fight for us" card, it might be time to check if you're on the same love wavelength. In my experience, honest conversation beats tests every time. And hey, love shouldn't feel like an exam you didn't study for, right? Just my two cents, sprinkled with love sparkles! 💖✌️

[Finchie40]

Females’ usually play these games to see if you are loyal to her , it’s immature, insecure behavior , but unfortunately it happens with some girls’ I have been with

[Dennisjf12]

I am 71 years old and been married 37 years and our marriage is so bad I don't know if I ever really loved her, I think I just married her because of the sex, but I have not been able to have sex with her in way over 12 years and I did nothing wrong and never cheated on her and never been with another woman. Dennis

[OlderAndWiser]

You can't, she can't, or she won't?

[jamesgoldman]

I might have been tested but I'm not definite

I turned up at hers, she was running late but her sister was there and made a pass at me, which I shut down

She never talked about it and I didn't mention it in case it wasn't a test

[Unycorn]

No. Trust is a basic of a relationship. If there is no trust then there is no reason to stay

[WonderingManII]

Yes but she wasn't really my girlfriend. She was just a crazy girl that happened to be in my life.

[MJVillarama]

Yep, been tested before. never ended well. Feels more manipulative than meaningful.

[Anonymous]

"if you love me, you'll want me to be happy even if that means cheating on you"

[Anonymous]

Nope, I've never been in a relationship, so never.

I was actually in love, for real, but all of my loves were unrequited.

[Twalli]

I'll. dight fir her, but shd also has to fight for me.

[Chazmatazz269]

Are you okay?

[CupOfCoffee6]

Yes failed miserably but I knew I was been tested. It wasn't the first time.

[DryGermanGuy]

Hell, no. I have no nerve for these games.

[curiousandhonest]

Yeah. When I were in my teens

[beenherebefore]

Never had to.

[OlderAndWiser]

When “must” you test a partner?

[beenherebefore]

I don't know I don’t like playing these games I’m more into asking open questions and see if their actions match their words.

[OlderAndWiser]

I don’t think there is ever a circumstance when it is appropriate to test your partner.

[Phoenix98]

I have not.

[MannMitAntworten]

Nope. Never.

[Pterodon]

Yes I have