Would you wait for someone who asked to for time to end their current relationship?

[Anonymous]

Basically you meet and have amazing chemistry but find out they’re seeing someone

They refuse to cheat but also are no longer happy

So they ask you to wait for them while they break up with their current partner before you start seeing each other

Would you do it? Or would it still feel like cheating/home wrecking to you

(Keep in mind the person in question is everything you want in a partner not just some random fling)

[Hardon-Collider]

Realize what is going on, and make an informed decision (even for the sake of preserving yourself emotionally in case of fail, try to lean on a mathematical approach to this until the choice is made), so you don't later have to despair about it later.

Even if I disagree about a choice from my view, you are totally different soul and have your own path. The worst thing that can happen to you is blindly following others' advice without an insight of your own.

She now decided to end her previous relationship ever since meeting you. We know it is a new decision because it takes time to carry out the break up. If she would have long been in a toxic relationship, then she would not have said that it takes time to end it.

So she ends a relationship due to what? Purely "amazing chemistry"? Nothing toxic about her current partner?

You should know that all "chemistries" are temporary, or at least cyclical. If sensation seeking motivates her to "upgrade" now, it will happen again in the future, during a period or something.

Only if she explicitly clarifies that her current partner has some flaws that she can't live with, like maybe he snores too loud or something, then it is worth taking her seriously. At least something has to be imperfect about her partner. Purely "amazing chemistry" isn't something to flop over for. in my opinion. You could do that, but as I said, don't come back regretting, rather be informed that relationships built on chemistry are not about loyalty. It is likely to end before death separates you. Doesn't mean its something to forbid. Just be aware.

[Asker]

Thanks for such an insightful take

One thing to clarify: she was on the outs before she met me

Her partner does have flaws

Apparently he’s too judgmental of her lifestyle as she comes from money and can afford leisure in life and he can’t.
Also he seems to be keen on marriage and she’s not at all interested in being a young wife
Doesn’t want kids with him…

Many things that have nothing to do with me.

I think I’ve become her proving ground.
By reeling me in she’s telling herself she can be just fine without him in her life. She won’t be alone.

I know all this sounds beyond toxic and I hate that.

But underneath she’s not a bad person.
She’s just backed into a corner, faced with a set of tough decisions to chose from
And I sympathize with that

[Hardon-Collider]

So, how long has she been with him? Did they forget to discuss marriage and children before even enterimg the relationship? What exactly attracted her to him initially? I don't need to know, just food for thought.

It's also possible that these are just things she came up with to justify leaving him, even though potentially at heart she wants to be a wife and mother, just not to him. Just a possibility, these things happen subconsciously, people start to believe in excuses that aren't their true preferences.

[Asker]

Exactly.

And I have answers to all these questions

But the bottom line is: she’s in a failed relationship we have the possibility of having an amazing one
The timing is just not working

All I can do is wait for her to be single

And by wait I don’t mean save myself
I still consider myself available to other women

But honestly it’s been years of amazing sex and missing sparks for a real relationship so I don’t think my future wife is so close by that I’m denying meeting her by just being patient with this girl

[slatyb]

Time and tide wait for no man, and neither should you. Tell them that you won't wait, and they shouldn't their relationship thinking that you'll be available. If they are unhappy they should end the relationship regardless.

[Asker]

At the end of last shift she knew I was expecting a call from my manager who was running late
So she told me “oh you have to stay and wait for him”

So as I turned my laptop off I looked her in the eye and said
“Haven’t you figured it out yet? I don’t wait for anyone” (with a smile)

And I walked away

I don’t think she connected the dots but my position is clear.
I’m not waiting.

I just selfishly want her to be available starting tomorrow.

I know it’s childish and unideal but the chemistry we have is a rare one

I should know: I’ve been looking for someone like that since forever
I even broke up with quite a few willing partners because we didn’t have this level of fireworks

It’s a shame I had to find it in such a hopeless situation

[slatyb]

It's not selfish. What's keeping her from ending her current relationship?

[Asker]

We both started a new job.
In her case she’s fresh out of post grad so there’s a lot of novelty in her life right now

She didn’t phrase it exactly like that but basically she’s afraid that it becomes too much to handle if she added a fresh break up on top of everything

It’s a weak reason I know.
But I partly understand.

Last time I had to break up with a girl I put it off for as long as I could because I knew I was gonna have to deal with a post breakup depression even though I’m the one who ended it
And I was right

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach and your personal love guru, I'd say it’s a bit of a slippery slope! 🚀 If they truly are your dream partner, giving them the space to end things properly shows respect and patience (and let's be honest, patience is sexy). However, waiting does come with risks, like potential ghosting or realizing that the lovebombing was more fantasy than reality. Trust and boundaries are key, so proceed with caution and a sprinkle of hope! 💕

[HollyK21]

Based on your responses to others about this woman, I probably wouldn’t wait for her because I’m witnessing first hand what she could do behind my back if we ever dated. In my opinion, she should’ve never engaged with you to the point where she’s asking you to wait for her to leave her man. You’re not privy to his side or what he thinks of all this, so for all you know he’s going about his day to day thinking they’re perfectly fine. Meanwhile she’s flirting with other men behind his back and waiting for the right time to leave him. I don’t think I’d have any peace of mind dating a person like that knowing what they’re capable of, and it would be naive to think I’d be above it.

[Asker]

I actually exaggerated the part about her asking me to wait

The truth is she just told me she’s unhappy and planning on breaking up with her boyfriend (I didn’t even ask)

And yes we do flirt, a lot.

So in a way I get it, and you’re right she’s playing him for a fool which does speak to her character

Funny enough she’s well aware of it
She even told me “I know I’m being a toxic bitch but I don’t know how to do it differently”

And it is a shitty situations.
She was over him long before I met her.
I kind of stumbled onto a sinking ship of a relationship

And I don’t want any part of it.
But I do think she’s not a bad person and I do like her so far.
So I’m not sure if I’m supposed to cut her off entirely or just be a cordial colleague until she’s single and go from there

[HollyK21]

I’d say to dial it back and just be her colleague, period. At the end of the day, she’s still emotionally cheating by flirting with other guys behind her bf’s back, and you’re experiencing first hand what you’d be going through if ever she was to give you a chance.

For all we know, the flirting could be more about getting attention and feeling good, since she’s allegedly unhappy with her man I’m sure it’s nice for her to be reminded that she’s still attractive and could still have options if she left her man. I think if it were deeper than that, she’d leave that situation because she wouldn’t wanna miss out on something with you. In any case, if I were you I wouldn’t wanna be anyone’s second option. I wouldn’t wanna face the potential disappointment of waiting for her to be single only for it not to happen, and I wouldn’t want to risk my future self being played behind my back. Niceness doesn’t matter, it isn’t stopping her from being a bad girlfriend and being messy behind her mama back.

I do hope you set your sites elsewhere. This is just a lot of drama and quite literally walking into a mess willingly. If I were you I’d dial it back to just very cordial hello’s in passing, focus on my work and then go home. Nothing good will come from this.

[HollyK21]

**man’s back lmao not mama😂

[MrChinaski]

Don't hitch your future happiness to decisions you cannot control. She can come back later once she has sorted herself out, or not.

[Asker]

That’s actually pretty solid advice. Thank you.

It’s also something I would have said if someone else was asking this question.

But in my case I’m being “childish”
I caught feelings when I knew I shouldn’t
It’s too late now
If she ends up staying with her boyfriend I know I will not be ok mentally

It was a stupid move and I can’t seem to take it back right now

[MrChinaski]

I hear you, bro. I'm a hopeless romantic. It sounds like you have good self-awareness. That's a good start.

[Nikki1989]

Life is too short to be playing the waiting game.

[jazzy34]

LOL. I wish a man would try to put me on standby. 😂

[Asker]

You mean that sarcastically
Or would you actually be flattered if someone chose to wait for you

[jazzy34]

The former.

[Asker]

Why?

Besides this isn’t a case of “waiting for her”

Technically I’m not waiting I just want her to walk in tomorrow and tell me she’s single

If not then I’m single and available

But I can’t help liking her

[jazzy34]

"Technically I’m not waiting I just want her to walk in tomorrow and tell me she’s single
"
That IS waiting, my friend. I'm sorry, but you sound desperate. Go after a girl who is single.

[Anonymous]

I'm not a person to fall for someone who is taken. I'm not cheap!

[Asker]

What if you didn’t know

You met at work
You assumed she was single and got along great

And then you found out she was taken all along.

It’s already too late to uphold the general principle of not frequenting taken people

[Opinion Owner]

I would always ask if they are single or not before I start to have feelings for them.

[Asker]

Understandable.

In my case I didn’t plan on catching any feelings
I hadn’t caught feelings for someone in years

She snuck up on me that way

It was too late before I noticed

[CallmeTheKnight]

You’ll be a big dummy if you choose to have a hope for someone that will do the same behind your back

[Anonymous]

You're a fool she's stringing you along and you're falling for it like a sucker like a jackass would

[exitseven]

yes, I would wait.

[Jennz6]

No you wouldn’t

[exitseven]

@Jennz6 I sure would.

[Anonymous]

I would never do this on either side.

[Jennz6]

Don’t wait, life is too short

[Anonymous]

Why is she the one