Would you wait for a guy you loved if he wasn’t ready to commit or walk away?

[Anonymous]

I’ve dated my boyfriend for almost 3 years, he is from a traditional family and as his parents are both a bit older and he wants to look after them and isn’t strong enough to put our relationship first. He doesn’t know when he will be ready, we can’t even move in together let alone think about engagement or anything. Would you walk away or give him the time he needs? Who knows how long it will take though…I don’t want to wait years for something that might never happen but I love him very much and want to be with him…any help is great.

[SteveSmith1985]

I'm sorry to have to say this, but... you need to walk away.

I think you already know that deep down. But I understand it's hard to accept. But if he isn't willing to even give you any vague idea of a timeline (which seems to be very at-odds with where you're coming from) and you've already been together for three years... it's not a good-bet to wait.

You would be waiting for the POSSIBILITY that maybe things would work out between you two... for some reason that's not at all clear... with zero assurance that you would ever get what it is you'd be waiting for (a life together with this guy).

So really it depends. Nothing about him having to take care of his parents or not being able to move in together should necessarily be a problem for your relationship. Those things are definitely possible while still putting your relationship first. It's just... he's got other responsibilities aside from the relationship. That's fine. You should basically be on the same team when it comes to how you're going to make things work DESPITE the additional responsibilities he has to his family.

I'm going to assume that the problems run deeper than that. And that things came out in the discussion that led you to conclude that he doesn't put the relationship first, and that he could never meet your timelines. I hope so. Because on it's face... the only problem is his seeming inability to give you any assurance about his commitment.

But... if you're expecting him to be able to date, move in together, get engaged and get married along your ideal timelines (set before you even met this guy)... and are merely upset because, for practical reasons, your perfect plan might not look exactly like that... then I would say this is YOUR problem.

If there are more issues at play here with regards to the future and commitment, then I think you are valid in seeing it this way.

Regardless, you are clearly not satisfied with the level of commitment or vision of the future he is offering you. I don't think it makes any sense to wait in hope that this will change. If you cannot accept a relationship on these terms... you're going to have to walk away from this. Sorry.

[Guy13]

If taking care of parents were his first priority. This guy is not reliable or trustworthy. He don't want your hands would be all over his inheritance, etc.

I would be putting you to work the way country Thailand farmer works and Ox. You would be practically qualified for CNA or Nursing school and have grey hair as I wore your arse out taking care of the parents.

[molonski2]

100% Id walk away and get on with life , you may well be waiting forever , you are only young , don't waste the best years of your life. No guarantees with this bloke.

[Gibbons44]

Interesting how trigger happy the responses are.

I have no idea. If there was a girl who'd actually look after her parents I'd think 'she might also look after me'.

Not that it is easy to know from just reading two lines. Maybe he is trying to get rid of you, maybe he is struggling.

There definitely are people who genuinely struggle out there. Not everyone is just a first class a-hole.