Do you believe to get over someone you have to get under someone else?

Question

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

If it's just for sex, then no, it won't help you get over someone else.
In fact it could back fire on you. If you have self respect now, you will lose your self respect, maybe little by little, until you start feeling really bad about yourself. And you'll probably end up feeling used, which is a far cry from your real loving relationship was with your boyfriend.
Sis, I know that no matter how many times you say you and your former boyfriend are just friends now, good friends even, I know that if your former boyfriend broke up with his girlfriend and wanted you two to be a couple again that you would say "yes" to him in a heartbeat. Why? Because you found the guy for you and you fell in love with him. No other guy is going to be him.

I believe that it's going to take you a very long time before you get through your heartbreak, if ever.

Perhaps if you find another guy, he will have qualities that will be even better than your former boyfriend has, and it will be then that your heart will mend, and you can finally fall in love with another guy

Nothing I have said here isn't something that I have experienced in my own life.

I read in a book 📚 once that the best way to experience something that you need to learn from is to read about other people's experiences and not go through them yourself.

I read that over 30 years ago and I never forgot it. But it's so true.

I believe that what I wrote here is a good example of what that means.
Take what you learn from others experiences and save yourself some hurt down the road.

The best to you always sis❣️
Sage 🌷

lilyanony1 · Accepted Answer

Kinda childish to do that.

But under the circumstances when you haven't been intimate with someone for a while, you have the desire, you both know what the nature of the encounter is. Then go ahead.

Generally though rebounds aren't good for the person especially if you're just stringing them along in the hope the ex will come back.

Purpleronnie · Accepted Answer

I think it may serve as a short term distraction to have “fun” with someone else and scratch that part of the itch , filling at least part of the void left ( no pun intended ) as long as both parties accept it for what it is but in my opinion better to be clear on why the ex is an ex and “accept” that this has to be and start rebuilding, moving on in an emotionally healthy way.
Psychological Transference is real and can make ‘new’ relationships even harder than needs be.

Should a person wallow in the feeling of emptiness left when we loose a relationship they risk loosing ‘meaning’ and ‘identity’ , and being at the core of what makes us who we are , then the negative effect can be profound.

“Getting under someone else” would only serve to delay the pain as that person shaped void can only be filled by one person

Acceptance is best , but certainly not way however worthwhile.

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

Absolutely not. That just distracts you temporarily. If you truly love someone, those feelings are usually hard to go away overnight. Some people move on fast and it's possible, but for the majority, the feelings don't go that fast.

That saying of getting over someone by getting under someone was made big by Samantha Jones from Sex and the City. Go figure, a show with even a title that promotes promiscuity promoting promiscuity.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the classic rebound philosophy! As your friendly neighborhood relationship coach, my aim on Girls Ask Guys is to offer guidance with a sprinkle of humor. While diving under someone might provide a temporary distraction, the real healing comes from self-reflection and understanding why the relationship ended. Jumping into a new romance too soon might just be a way to dodge the real work of moving on. But hey, if that's your style, just make sure it's for the right reasons and not just for a quick escape! 😉

Summeroflove · Answer

This isn’t only dangerous to you it’s dangerous to someone else as well. Is it okay to date? Yes. But be careful getting into new committed relationships before you’re over someone else and be honest about it.

Using someone as a means to get your ex jealous isn’t fair to that person or just to get over someone. It’s also a good way to find someone whose worse then the last person.

Finchie40 · Answer

Not really , it’s just a distraction , and sometimes having sex with someone else is awkward , if you were so used to having sex with your ex , why sex is best with the same person because you get used to it to each other and feel more comfortable with each other , you know how the feel, smell etc.. but someone new is basically starting all over again , unless that new person was better in bed than your ex was , then that’s a different story

ohsheeT · Answer

I dont believe that but I can say it helps the transition or the thought that you think they ended up that as a person takes that away from you

They call it rebound sometimes I don't think that's going to be in your case

But yes, it always helps to replace something with something the moment of pain grief.
What have you and it helps us find our way a little bit faster. But it might not last or if you take it enough time. I think it would last a long time once you let go

strateguy632 · Answer

For me no way. I don't need that. Gals usually need healing but not a "rebound". Trying to get a rebound date is like trying to prove "i was not good enough for him but i am still desirable" that is desperate and lowers standards. So i agree with @jazzy34 here. Well said jazz!

Bitter_Sweet94 · Answer

No, that’s just a distraction, not healing.

You can move on without replacing anyone.

Real closure comes from facing what hurt you, not avoiding it.

Sometimes being alone for a while teaches you more than any rebound ever could.

Twodogs0525 · Answer

If you're not over someone, hooking up with someone else will only make things more complicated in your head. It isn't gonna make you miss them less or help you get over your heartbreak, it might actually make you feel some remorse for various reasons. You "get under" someone when you are finally over someone. It's not even a moral issue but what I see as a healthy first step in a possible new relationship.

genericname85 · Answer

hell no. to get over someone, you gotta relearn to be self sufficient. re learn self love. facilitate self growth. that's how you reset to learn someone new. if you just get under someone else, you're likely to repeat previous mistakes or you likely learn to become less self sufficient and self loving cause now your value as a person depends on your partner to a greater and greater extend every time you do that.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

You might get over someone without getting under someone else but you will always be hurt, somewhat sad and bad memories coming to your mind now and then, so a fresh start of everything in my opinion ain't real unless you get under someone else who will make you forget the one whom you used to be with...

PeachyPie93 · Answer

No but hanging out with someone else can help you feel better.. and make you realize maybe your ex wasn't all that. I wouldn't recommend sleeping with someone else before you are over the ex..

Vevv123 · Answer

Nope, it’s normal and recommended to get over someone and even any sort of pain naturally. It’s not good to use substances or bad habits to cope. If anything it’s worse for you.

Nikki1989 · Answer

No, but it certainly helps. Some people would be surprised to learn how easy it is to just move on if you have that inner emotional strength.

Anonymous · Answer

The only people I know who have to sleep with someone to get over someone else usually did something wrong and it’s a coping mechanism based on poor judgment and lack of character. Not saying all just those that have recommended or think of it positively.

jazzy34 · Answer

No. Getting sexually involved with someone in an attempt to get over someone else will only add to your emotional baggage. You'll be worse off.

exitseven · Answer

No, you have to move on, not necessarily with somebody else, just with a different attitude towards the future. A future without her that will be better.

FreyaRed · Answer

It's a short distraction and mends temporarily one symptom but it's far from curing entire disease.

Cipher_Ledger · Answer

depends are we talking emotionally or physically?

nawtee_me · Answer

Getting “over someone” isn’t easy and getting “under someone” either sexually or metaphorically doesn’t make it any easier. Comparison’s get thrown around and before you know it there are tho to get over….

RxR0954 · Answer

That’s not a healthy way to cope with it, more like sweeping issues under the rug

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

No, but it makes it a lot easier. Especially if what you're getting over is lust

Crankor · Answer

No but it does help blocked the emotional thinking. Its also dangerous in my opinion to do so quickly as the idea and pattern can prevent you from properly investing into your next relationship

dudeinohio · Answer

A new relationship is the best way to put past relationships behind you... once you feel ready to date again. It brings your self confidence back and gets rid of that worthless feeling.

Spencer10 · Answer

No I do belive that. There are all kinds of ways to get over another person.

dragoblack · Answer

To get over someone, you need to focus on yourself, accept what happened, process & work to overcome trauma, enjoy your self time, then look when you feel ready.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I have no frame of reference. Every breakup has been inevitable from my perspective and so nothing to get over.

Jersey2 · Answer

No. Generally when I was done, I was done. I never looked back but I still think about some.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

Yeah, 100%. This is speaking from personal experience

MrJuicyBred · Answer

no you dont need to, depending on the situation and reasoning behind it. However it can help move it a long much quicker, who doesn't love to get some exciting new sex anyways

Kelly6 · Answer

@simslover92 yes but it doesn’t apply in everything

lilBigPotato · Answer

But necessarily, but it helps for sure

Agape93 · Answer

Nah, you can get on top too.

DrPepper12 · Answer

No but it couldn't hurt

MannMitAntworten · Answer

I don’t get over someone through my penis, so no.

Xawyx-2 · Answer

No, I don't think so.

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

Yes at some point you do

guesswhereivebeen · Answer

It sure helps things along…

msc545 · Answer

No, but it sure helps.

EmBatman · Answer

Thats what weak people do

Anonymous · Answer

It helps!

smahala1991 · Answer

Sometimes maybe

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

Can't hurt

Do you believe to get over someone you have to get under someone else?

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Is it true to get over someone you have to get underneath someone else?

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