Were you friends first before getting with your significant other or was it instant coming together?

Question

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

It's good that you ask...

45 years ago tonight, on Thursday 20 NOV 1980, I took my friend Laura to a laser show at the Vanderbilt Planetarium in Centerport NY. I was 17 almost 18. She had just turned 16. I wasn't officially her boyfriend, but I do consider this my first date ever. (I emailed her today about this anniversary too.) Some time later, we were in her basemant and then she started to make out with me. She said "It's about time, ______" (my name). So, I'll say this was December 1980 or January 1981. But, I had known her since September 1978 just before she turned 14. She was in the 9th Grade and I was in the 10th Grade, but we were both in Typing class and later Health class. So, yes, she was my first girlfriend and yes, she was my friend first. I think it's best that way.

AviatorTom · Accepted Answer

Neither. My wife and I met on a dating site,, and had a few dates before the sparks started to fly.

My ex-wife is a different story. We worked together and didn't really get along. She thought I was a hopeless nerd, and I thought she was a ditzy girl. One of the guys on her coed bowling team left. She knew I bowled and asked me to join her team. Several months later, I lost a bowling bet to her one night, and had to take her out to dinner. That started things, and we got married a year later

RxR0954 · Accepted Answer

I met my partner on a dating app for wlw a year ago, we went for a first date after a week or something of talking, and we went into the “getting to know each other” dating stage after 2 weeks and started officially dating a month later. Then we moved in together last month

melanieeeB · Accepted Answer

Friends first, I basically know him since December 2017 but we got together in December 2023 lol
Anyways It was not the right time before that, i didn't see him as my "type" first and he was also in another relationship when we met, took some time

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the age-old question of love dynamics! Aim here is to unravel the magic of relationships. My wife and I were friends first, soaking up those friendship vibes like a sponge in a love pool 🌊. It’s like taking the scenic route to Romanceville! But hey, instant chemistry is also a thing, right? Whether you're dodging red flags or chasing that love-at-first-sight spark, it's all about the journey. Keep your love compass handy and enjoy the ride! 💕✨

ohsheeT · Answer

Well, I don't have a significant other right now. But I can say this that no matter who I've dated. No matter who I've been WI have to be friends first because I want to know everything about them. It just makes everything more pleasant more. Open more real and I can be myself. They can be themselves. And friendship is the best way to start out for me. Anyway is what I think

Finchie40 · Answer

Yes my wife and I were just chat friends , we met each other on AOL back in the day when internet was dial up and slow as shit , we met in a chat room and stayed chat friends for 4 years until we finally met , once we met we both fell head over heels for each other , we ended up getting married and we made 3 babies together , 20 some years later , our marriage took a turn for the worst but we still love and care about each other , but no longer together but she wants to be

HawkPerception · Answer

My first relationship was the only one that was like that but it was weird because she knew my intentions from the beginning. She kinda strung me along for a year and I was a simp.

Bolt1104 · Answer

For me, I believe being friends first makes everything stronger. Getting to truly know someone their personality, their values, their flaws, and their heart makes the relationship feel more real and grounded. But I also think instant connections happen too. Sometimes two people just click and it feels natural right away. There’s no “right way,” it just depends on the people and how God brings them together.

Bitter_Sweet94 · Answer

For me it usually starts with a bit of familiarity first not full “best friends,” but enough comfort to see the person clearly.

Instant chemistry is fun, but chemistry without foundation burns out fast.

A little friendship makes the connection steadier.

A little spark keeps it exciting.

The sweet spot is somewhere in the middle.

Purpleronnie · Answer

Friends first , for the last few relationships and any in the future Clearly doesn’t always work out but it’s just not worth attempting a relationship with someone unless thy naturally , and without any ulterior motive , WANT TO be in your life without the complication of sexual intimacy.

Doesn’t mean you can’t bump uglies with whom you chose , just be adult and clear that your not looking for anything serious.

RandomGirl42 · Answer

She was my bestie for 3 years before we "crossed the line" one drunken nite. The best "mistake" we ever made. 😊

Nikki1989 · Answer

Nope. He approached me while I was grocery shopping. An hour later we were chatting in a coffee shop, and the rest is history.

MemeSupreme · Answer

we knew each other on social media but thats kinda it he had to drop off his sister at my work for a week so i properly met him through that and made sure we talked lol

RedTiefling · Answer

I've never been friends first with any long term partner i have had. Everyone's different though 🤷

Lliam · Answer

We had never met before our first date. After that, we dated exclusively for a year before I proposed. We got married a year later.

Alex-Snow · Answer

With previous girlfriends and my current casual friends with benefits we were friends first... but there was that one night hookup... oh well it was fun.

__Nikki__ · Answer

We had mutual friends, so I knew him, but we weren't really friends.

beenherebefore · Answer

We started dating shortly after knowing each other.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

It has always been an instant coming together. I know pretty much immediately whether or not I am interested, friend zoning them, or there is nothing.

elizamichale1 · Answer

Friends n a lot more before we became partners

Jerre · Answer

Usually I know them a couple of weeks and seems we were drawn together for sex. We became friends with benefits AS WE BOTH LOVED SEX

DavyJ · Answer

Known my ex-wife for 52 of my 57 years. Got together when I was 18 and she was 17.

dudeinohio · Answer

No. We met on Facebook dating with the intent of seeking a relationship.

Nice222 · Answer

We were coworkers, and just started going to lunch together. But I knew I wanted to marry her as soon as I met her.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Knew each other for awhile, but weren’t friends. Jumped into it pretty quick

sage2021 · Answer

Both times it was instant, and mutual.

FreyaRed · Answer

Acquaintances but not too close

Agape93 · Answer

Friends first.

exitseven · Answer

it was pretty instant.

Shiprex · Answer

Friends first in all my ltrs

whiskeyontherocks · Answer

She was my tutor in college.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Instant coming together

SoccerPlayer99 · Answer

Highschool sweethearts.

Twalli · Answer

We had a friendship before.

wkhan_87 · Answer

Just an instant come... Arranged marriage

Anonymous · Answer

I'm single, never been in a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

What about u?

WhitneySnow · Answer

Friends first

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