For those of you that believe friendship should come first before a relationship, have you TRULY married or got together with a friend?

[ShadezMcgee]

Personally I don't see how you can be a friend first without ruining the potential for a relationship because that has now set the idea of how each person would be seen.

[Jamie05rhs]

I think it takes at least 5 years for a woman to become a romantic option in the eyes of a man if he has already friendzoned her.* And that's under the best of circumstances (for her). It usually never happens at all.


*If she friendzoned herself, then she MAY still have a chance to convert her status. But that is going to take assertive effort on her part. Also, nothing is guaranteed here. Because he may be holding a grudge against her. Or he may have just lost attraction entirely.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO.

[clampfan101]

It’s about being more than friends. Friendship with someone you may want a romantic relationship with is like a test, seeing if they have all the base qualities necessary. Everything that’s important in friendship is also important in love.

[Jamie05rhs]

I disagree. I believe that romantic love is fundamentally different from friendship.

[clampfan101]

@Jamie05rhs How so?

[Jamie05rhs]

@clampfan101 Because love is an intimate bond. (Intimate, not sexual.). You become partners. (Again, not sexual.). A friend is just a friend. A friend will never be on that level of intimacy.

[clampfan101]

@Jamie05rhs I said it was about being more than friends. Friendship is simply the base foundation, not the entire thing.

[Jamie05rhs]

I'll give you an example:
What if I said,
"Clampfan, you're my everything. You stir the longings in my soul. I think about you night and day. You have given my life new meaning. All I want to do is be with you, forever, until the day I die. I never want to leave your side."

You'd be like,
"Ew. That's gay, bro."
And with good reason.

But why is it gay?
I didn't say anything sexual.
But it was INTIMATE.
And THAT is why it's romantic.
(And that is why it's gay. Haha)

Do you see what I'm saying?
Do you get my point?

[Jamie05rhs]

And yeah, but it's still different. The conversation is different. How you look at them is different. The entire relationship is different.

[clampfan101]

@Jamie05rhs Different endings can come from the same beginning.
How do you think it should start?

[Jamie05rhs]

@clampfan101 Well, see, that's where I just slightly disagree, respectfully.

I think that the trajectory of a relationship is determined by the direction that the bow of the ship is pointed at the beginning of the journey. There are a million little things that make up the various steps on the path to marriage; and none of those is going to happen if you're pointed towards South America (friendship) instead of Africa (marriage). I believe that we need to lead and direct our relationships with INTENTION. Otherwise, you're just drifting along, and you may never reach the destination that you wish to reach as a couple.

[Jamie05rhs]

I think that a romantic relationship should start with the fundamentals.

Which are:

Do you find me attractive? Yes.

Are you looking for a serious relationship? Yes.

Do you like me personally? Yes.

Do you think we might be good together as a couple? Yes.

Would you like to explore that possibility to see where it leads?
Yes.

[clampfan101]

@Jamie05rhs And after that? How would you go about “exploring” that possibility?

[Jamie05rhs]

@clampfan101 You have a series of diplomatic summits. (AKA dates.). And you have an ongoing discussion about what you want your relationship to become. You develop a joint vision through collaboration.

[jennifer_bloom]

When I had a best friend, it lasted 18 years while none of my crushes lasted more than 10 years and my best friend was a family member to me and had the same status in my life as my parents.

[NathanDavis]

if you cannot see it... maybe that is because you have not experienced it, that's all

[Juxtapose]

Well I don't get randos asking me out so they are at least casual friends before they asked me out.