How often do people build a fantasy of another woman or man in their heads then become resentful later on when they see the real them?

[Summeroflove]

Sometimes someone’s not even a bad person. It’s just…. Someone got too carried away in emotions. Once they really started seeing someone’s real personality and flaws. They become resentful.

[HawkPerception]

I'm going to make a bigoted statement and say that I think that applies more so to women than men. They tend to go for the guys they think they can fix. The guys that tend to be more on the arrogant side, and are more exciting and adventurous. And then they're emotionally abused in the relationships and find out that the guy doesn't make them happy. Then they become jaded, man-hating females who say they'll never date again.

[Anonymous]

A majority of the time unfortunately, and women are the worst offenders of this (of course they'll never admit to it, even to themselves). It's why a lot of them repeat the same mistakes over and over again (because they refuse to take responsibility and learn from thier mistake). You cannot fix a problem if you refuse to really understand the problem.

[Summeroflove]

Men are also pretty bad I can’t lie. Men see a pretty face and just think she’s the best thing ever. And she may not be… She may be manipulative. A cheater. A bad person in general…

[Summeroflove]

But you are right about the female side of this

[Opinion Owner]

I agree with your statement on men. I think men make this mistake when they're young (at least I did😆). I think men grow out of this and wise up. Women conversely I don't think do. They just tend to get old and bitter rather than learn from thier mistakes.
I'm not hating. I think men just as a necessity to survive adapt to the practical much easier and more readily, whereas women are the consummate dreamers with thier head in the clouds.

[Purpleronnie]

I actually think this is a lot more common than people understand. Not so much the fantasy as that’s delusional but people tendency to place those they have new positive feelings for on a pedestal , elevating them undeservedly and then get all pissy and hurt when that person shows they are not deserving of the status and likely that it was unrealistic in the first place that they have placed this status on the new love.


Getting caught up , tangled up in love is really common , they float away ‘loved up’ and everything’s wonderful when it’s not and couldn’t be and then come crashing down believing the person has changed when it was only ever true in their head.


It’s also true that generally people try harder to impress in a new relationship setting expectations that they don’t have intention of keeping … commonly referred to as “ the honeymoon period” 😜

[Noredcarpet]

I think everyone fill in the gaps when we fall in love and some do get resentful like you say becsuse they really think that it is them, their fantasy.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah it’s important to get to know someone though

[Noredcarpet]

Yes very much so

[jJanSmit]

Ah, a bit different, but still funny and a little sad. There was this IT guy in a company I worked for years ago and he mostly answered the phone. Some female colleagues were fascinated by his warm and low voice. Some of them had fantasies of that he would look like. That was a big disappointment for most of them. In stead of a long, slim and handsome guy, he was short, a little fat and bold. I felt sorry for him whenever he was looked at in disappointment

[Bitter_Sweet94]

All the time.

Fantasies are clean, idealized, and free of flaws.

Real people aren’t, they’re messy, complicated, and human.

When reality doesn’t match the mental picture, resentment isn’t about them, it’s about the expectation we created in our own minds.