How do I accept that men fantasise about other women while in a relationship?

Question

Before you answer, hear me out. I'm often called ''jealous'' or ''insecure'', I'm here because I'm tired of being misunderstood. My problem is this: I don't care how loyal and respectful a man is. If a man has to control his impulses to avoid cheating, he's not loyal. He wants to have sex with other women the same way he wants to have sex with me, which makes me feel like an interchangeable object. It makes me feel used. I can appreciate the effort, but it does not change the fact that he wants other women. I'm not jealous, my reaction is not ''oh please, stop looking at her, it hurts me!'', my reaction is ''you want other women the way you want me, I don't want to feel used, I want to be unique''.

How do I accept this?

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

Well just like many women do fantasize about other men inside a relationship many men do fantasize about women. A lot of people claim “but I would never act on it” but the truth is if the situation arose and they had the chance knowing they wouldn’t be caught they would. Chances are that eventually the fantasy won’t be enough anymore and they will act it out.

Regardless it’s emotional cheating. If you’re a loyal woman who can’t even think of other men sexually inside a relationship then you deserve to have someone who is the same point blank. I get you can’t be a mind reader but it’s not insecure or jealous.

A insecure or jealous person tries to control someone despite the fact they aren’t doing anything wrong. As well as will stay in toxic relationships you are the type of person who would just leave and not be that way. You can’t control someone else but you can control if you choose to be around them.

Shiprex · Accepted Answer

It's a biological effect that men will appreciate other women in spite of committing to one they are with. It comes from the need to spread their seed if you think evolutionary theory.

How you go about it is by accepting that it's a natural behaviour, monogamy is a societal construct that forces men into behaviours against their natural instincts. It's not disloyal because sex and intimacy are, for men, interlinked and that they avoid acting on it is a sign they are trustworthy.

LOOKING isn't a bad thing, it's affirming natural beauty. He's with you and that's the fundamental commitment (this is where you're perhaps missing something) to the relationship by not acting on it.

Finchie40 · Answer

Not true , when I am with a girl that treats me like gold and keeps me satisfied in the bedroom , I don’t fantasize about about any other girl , I don’t even masturbate when I have a great girl by my side , cuz I save myself for her. , so the only way I might fantasize about another girl or masturbate is if I am with the wrong girl , A girl that all of a sudden treats me like shit and all of a sudden doesn’t want to be intimate with me , when it was never an issue before , so not only will I fantasize about another girl , I will start walking the other way to find her and lady o my current one

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

"If a man has to control his impulses to avoid cheating, he's not loyal" I agree,  it makes perfect sense to want to be loved and desired for yourself, at the expense of everyone else . This is also what I expect from my girlfriend, that she thinks of me like that. But, in my experience, I never have to ask myself this question though, because she showed me she thought of myself like that. So, to me, it's a theoretical problem, and a theoretical problem is... not really my problem. It's more an idea to play with. But, and there's a massive "but" here... How do you know, for sure, that  "He wants to have sex with other women the same way he wants to have sex with me"  ?

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Well i'm sorry to say that We... same as You... we are not so different... You look at the buldge we look at the ass, you look at the chest/muscles, etc.. we look at the boobs, so i guess it goes both ways... don't tell me you went out with your man, and didn't "knowdest" other men, not like you were blindfolded...

j0han · Answer

If a man has to control his impulses to avoid cheating, he is not loyal. By this you’re implying that loyalty must be effortless that if you’re even tempted, you’re disqualified. That’s unrealistic and immature.

And perhaps stop being a hoe to feel like an interchangeable object. Stop dreaming of someone putting you on pedestal… get over yourself.

You sound both jealous and insecure

slatyb · Answer

you need to grow up and get real about human sexual desire. You don't want to date a man, you want to date your fantasy of a man.

HusamRocks · Answer

It's how man was created, you are going against the nature if you can't accept it 👍🏻

strateguy632 · Answer

Don't accept it. Dump him and find someone loyal. Love is loyal.

jahaims · Answer

Mature men do not. If you are both healthy you only crave each other. That stereotype exists because most people aren't healed from their trauma enough to be in a healthy relationship

Anonymous · Answer

The same way you accept that a woman is most likely thinking of another guy when you're doing her. My wife tells me she thinks of Hugh Jackman. That's Wolverine! I tell her "I would to"... I can't even get mad about that.😆

wkhan_87 · Answer

It is depends on decency and morality of a man , and yes loyalty.

Anonymous · Answer

Well for one thing you're not a real woman you're a guy dressed up as a woman pretending to be a woman. Now as for the question itself here's the simple and short answer GET OVER YOURSELF

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

I don't think all men do so

Jennz6 · Answer

They all do that

Pterodon · Answer

Not all do

How do I accept that men fantasise about other women while in a relationship?

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