Guys, My husband was friend requesting local women? I need advice?

[Anonymous]

I caught my husband friends requesting local women. All women were beautiful. Up until this point, I always kind of thought something was going on with him and his social media. He often Seems to be secretive with his phone. I’ve asked him multiple times about it and got nowhere. He barely knew the women or didn’t even know them. he said the reason he did it is because he was really drunk, and barely even remembers. He has since deleted all social media (his idea and choice) And quit drinking. It’s been about six months. He still is off socials, but he has picked up drinking a bit again. I am so scared eventually, he will cheat on me and I have lost trust. However I will say our relationship is better than ever, and I am feeling a new level of commitment from him. This whole thing was confusing because we were totally in love when this happened and borderline obsessed with each other in a great way. Sex was great and still is. Do you think it’s possible it was just old habits and lifestyle? What are your thoughts. Is my marriage doomed?

Updates

7 mo

I wanted to add he was not messaging these women. I actually messaged one of the women he friend requested and she was cool enough to confirm he did not message.

[Summeroflove]

If you know something’s up then there probably is something. Yes, you can sit around and make plausible scenarios in your mind. You can confront him and listen to his lies and gaslighting.

You know he isn’t new to this. He’s gotten away with it for so long that he doesn’t care anymore and probably thinks if you’re too dumb to figure it out and too weak to stand up and leave. You deserve it…. That’s a horrible and false way of thinking but that’s how these people think. You know deep down he’s probably got a second option and he’s just waiting for this relationship to end because he’s too cowardly to initiate it.

Abrupt changes are also a red flag. Yes someone can genuinely change for your or themselves. More times then not it’s because someone else is in the picture. I would say if I’m a gambling man I’m betting on he has already cheated. I can’t prove it but chances are if he hasn’t by now at least physically. He will…. I would assume this is a serial pattern.

Someone can still overcompensate with sex and other things. To make someone believe the relationship is going well while secretly fucking around behind your back. Until things aren’t… Many times before things get worse. They oddly get better. Sex bombing. Love bombing. Maybe you’re even seeing the old them again… maybe they really did change. But it’s all for someone else. I’ve seen it happen and as sad as it is. Some things seem too good to be true. Because it is…

I've seen people genuinely change. But I’ve seen more people put on a act. To make you not suspicious as well as to impress the new person he has. If he has one.

[Summeroflove]

Also narcissists need constant attention. Constant flow…. So yes. Rheh will be talking to tons of women in a man’s case. Just because it boosts their ego. Because it makes them feel good and hot again.

Yes, part of it’s for sexual gratification. But more times then not it’s deeper.

[Summeroflove]

It happens so often what at first seems really good. You find out later… there are ulterior motives.

Such as. Someone stops drinking. You see the old them… the person you fell for. All the sudden he may be taking care of himself again. Maybe he’s working out. Back in shape. Fixes his hair gets a nice haircut. Wears a nice cologne.

Whereas before. Maybe he started getting fat. Cutting his own hair. Using axe. Drinking. Doing little things that are a nuisance.

Part of its for you. So you don’t find out and catch on. Part of its because they’re doing it either to find someone else or to impress the new person.

That’s why sudden changes and glow ups. Can be a red flag. A lot of people think it’s for them… when it’s not

[Summeroflove]

All the sudden. He’s out “working late” Friday and Saturday nights. Probably going to bars and clubs and parties. Feeling young again. Feeling desired. Exploring the man he feels like he lost.

I am sorry… I can’t tell you about this specific situation. But I can tell you based on what I’ve witnessed.

[lightbulb27]

time for therapist to figure out why he is drinking, and AA or whatever works. He has emotional problems and addictions.

you are dealing with a wounded child brat man and have to view him that way. you may have to lay down the law that if it is not fixed, you are out.

I think in that case, it's ok to mentally and in other ways prepare an out plan and plan of action. It's not acceptable.

I don't like giving up, but if someone is an addict, beyond cookies and ice cream... those are not relevant... ahemm... then it's better to get away in many cases. It will blow up anyways if not dealt with.

you married a sick human... it happens. My wife was very wise to not go with a sick human before me whom had alcohol addiction. me, Im a cookie monster and occasionally, there's a few missing from a box she purchases. that is only so bad.

Alcohol... is a big problem... but not THE problem.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the tangled web of social media antics and relationships! First off, your concerns are totally valid. Trust takes a hit when mystery messages waft through relationships like a ghosting ex. Yet, his deleting social media and dialing booze back shows effort. Keep communication open, and address the hiccup to preempt falling off a love cliff. That renewed connection and fiery passion are major pluses. 🥰 Let's not call the marriage doom-y yet. Old habits may die hard, but resolution and a dash of trust can dodge any romantic red flags! Remember, nurturing what you cherish can be incredibly powerful. 💞 Keep glowing!

[Asker]

He didn’t message anyone. Just friend requested.

[Anonymous]

It's not so much the friend requesting that's concerning it's the LOCAL friend request that is concerning. Tbh even if he deleted all social media he still lost your trust that right there is a big red flag meaning something is seriously wrong in the relationship. You better keep tabs on him and look for behavioral pattern changes from how he used to dress act and smell like from before to now or if he showers more often or runs more errands and yes smell is a big factor. Also oay close attention if he takes his phone to the bathroom or other parts of the house and texts or whispers calls when you're not in the room or around. And pay attention to the car mileage. Seriously make notes of the mileage each time and calculate distance from home to work and home to grocery store and factor extra mileage into the equation and those extra miles should give you indication if he's meeting other women.

[Snowman84]

If he’s not on social media, has a consistent routine, no strange messages or behaviour when you catch him on the phone, maybe he realized he needs to stop doing what he was doing.
I’d say keep an eye out of any strange activity. Trust your gut if something feels off.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by requesting?

[robocop666]

You hire a private investigator for this.

[Sebastian100]

Stop overthinking

[Asker]

You think I shouldn’t worry/over think about it? Please explain