How long would a relationship have to be for you to try and work through cheating?

Question

Disagreement with my boyfriend.

I was telling him how my best friend's boyfriend dumped her because she cheated while he was out of town.

My boyfriend said "good for him, that's the only way to deal with a cheater" and I said to him "really? they've been together over 8 years, you don't think it's worth trying to salvage?" and he basically said "Nope! I don't care if they've been together 8 decades, you cheat, you get dumped, end of story" and I told him that people make mistakes, she's only human, but he still maintains this view.

I told him it makes me feel insecure in the relationship, that he would never fight for us if I made such a mistake, but he's refusing to budge.

Thoughts?

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

I have to agree. Look I never veen with anyone cheater for that long I can’t say what I would do. But I agree… As painful as it is he did the right thing. Many people stay in denial, believe their lies, believe it’s their fault that someone else cheated, etc.

In some cases where someone genuinely feels bad maybe you can save the relationship. But more often then not. Leave.. If someone genuinely loves you. Why did they cheat? For pleasure. Because they felt they lacked something. To find better.

Look. If you’re loyal then you would never cheat. Cheating is NOT a mistake. You intentionally have to have sex with someone. Unless you’re raped it isn’t a accident. People don’t mistakenly engage in sex with one another. That’s a choice. A choice of betrayal.

Why should he feel secure? Why should someone feel secure around someone who has it in their head that you may cheat one day. I’m sorry. If I was so in love with someone that I would fight for. Why the fuck would I want to have someone thinking of cheating on me? That makes no sense.

I am not saying breaking up with someone after 8 years wouldn’t be painful. But it’s not worth it. I wouldn’t want to think that I’ve been with someone so long. That they would cheat. Obviously she wasn’t fighting for her relationship when she made a CHOICE to cheat. She didn’t make a mistake.

This should not be a argument. I think he has a right to feel insecure now that you mentioned that you could do the same thing. Why would you stay with a man who cheats?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I wouldn’t. I would dump him no matter how long we’ve been together. Cheating is not a mistake. It’s a choice. And after that any trust and respect is gone. Could never look at him and our relationship the same way again. The fact that you see it as a mistake and feel insecure in your relationship because he says he would dump you if you cheat is crazy. If I was your boyfriend I would dump you for that because I could never trust you from that moment on. You just openly defend cheating and admit there’s a chance you’d do it. Hell no.

beenherebefore · Accepted Answer

I agree with him, if someone cheats on you you have to let them go and let time decide if you’re meant to be together or not. I don’t see cheating as a mistake it’s a choice that you make, you can choose not to cheat but your friend chose to do it while her boyfriend was out of town after eight years? Sorry but that’s unforgivable, you cannot blame the guy for being deeply hurt and devastated and even if he had chose to stay the relationship would change forever and he would never be able to trust her again.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ooh, I see the tension here, and I'm here for it! 😏 Here's my flirty little spiel: relationships are like intricate dance moves, sometimes you step on each other’s toes, and other times, you glide in perfect harmony. Cheating is a huge red flag, no doubt, but every relationship has its own choreography. Eight years? That's a lot of salsa nights together! 💃 Sometimes it's worth a second chance, but only if both partners are willing and there’s genuine remorse and effort to rebuild trust. Your boyfriend’s views are rigid, and it's important to communicate and find middle ground so everyone feels secure. Love and decisions are tricky, aren't they? 😉

1

HawkPerception · Answer

Once someone cheats, it's not worth it to continue no matter how long you were together. Anyone who thinks otherwise doesn't understand the concept of accountability and doesn't have much emotional intelligence.

If someone cheats on you, it means they don't love you. It means they were willing to take the risk of you being hurt and emotionally scarred. They knew what they were doing, but they did it anyways. They could have stopped when they first text. They could have stopped at the first touch. They could have stopped at the first kiss. They could have definitely stopped when they touched each others genitals. Every one of those decisions is unforgivable.

Your boyfriend is right and seems to be the only one with his head on right in the relationship.

Finchie40 · Answer

There is no amount of time , once cheating occurs , it’s over , the thing is you can still love and care about someone that cheated on you , but it doesn’t mean you have to stay in a relationship with them , So your boyfriend is right , why would you want to stay with someone that cheated on you? Cheating isn’t a mistake , it’s a selfish decision and choice

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

I wouldn’t even try. There’s no point.
At no time in human history has any person ever changed their behavior in the absence of negative consequences. Staying with someone who cheated on you is literally rewarding them for infidelity. What possible motivation could they have to not cheat again? Not dumping someone who cheats on you is begging to be cheated on again. Nothing more and nothing less.

msc545 · Answer

I agree with your boyfriend. I think that once somebody cheats you lose all trust in them at least I do and after that I've never been able to get it back and never even wanted to try. I knew that every time that person walked out of the house. If we got back together I would keep wondering about where she was going and who she was with. That would not have been fair to me or comfortable for me and certainly not fair to her either. Once the trust is broken it stays broken. It doesn't matter how long you've been together. It is almost always the end of a relationship. It's just better to live on.

Anonymous · Answer

he's right and you are a big fool for what you said. You told him you feel insecure in your relationship with him because he said he would dump you if you cheat rather than fight for the relationship with you.

By saying this and pushing this you have basically told him that long term you can not be trusted long term not to cheat on him. So you've basically ruined any chance of him marrying anf having kids with you.

Bitter_Sweet94 · Answer

For me, it’s not about the length of the relationship, it’s about the quality of it.

If the foundation was strong, honest, and both people were truly invested, then maybe there’s something worth trying to repair.

But if the relationship was already shaky, cheating just confirms what was already broken.

I can forgive honesty.

I can’t rebuild trust alone.

So the real question isn’t “how long,” it’s “was it real enough to fight for?”

zayndan · Answer

I think time is the wrong factor. What would make me want to work it out is the quality of that relationship and the overall health of the relationship. However, if I've been dating someone for 6 months and they're already cheating, even if the relationship was going well overall, I won't work through it cuz cheating so quickly is a red flag

Miristheiss · Answer

Cheating is an automatic break up, divorce no matter what.

It could be 20 years. If a woman gets with another man and takes off all of her clothes for him and lets him touch her everywhere and enter her.

There is no coming back from that. She would be utterly disgusting to me.

Are you kidding me?

Stay with her? She is vile and putrid. She is dead to me.

FreyaRed · Answer

I share your boyfriend's attitude and this has many psychological and logical reason why you never should remain on side of a cheater. Maybe you don't need trust your partner that's why cheating is just a mistake in your perception but someone who needs trust to a person to put effort and energy in a relationship won't never trust a cheater again. There is no way back and the person will look for someone else, simple as.

egan3141 · Answer

Not yet married: immediately removed no matter the time.
Married: Time is irrelevant. I already promised to work through anything. I will hate her and myself for who knows how long, but I will still try. My word matters GREATLY to me, and I said until death do we part, I'm going to try to keep to it.

petitedollbabee · Answer

No amount of time. Even if we’ve been together for 10 years, cheating is a dealbreaker. There’s no relationship worth keeping if I can’t trust you.

Jammannn · Answer

If your friend is willing to throw 8 years away for a bit of fun, she doesn't sound like someone worth fighting for.

Ask yourself

Would you really want to be with someone who doesn't have enough self respect for themselves to think they dont deserve better than a cheater?

admles · Answer

I'm 100% on your boyfriend's side.

No matter how long a relationship is, married or not, you cheat on me, it's an instant, complete and permanent break up.

Just don't cheat, you won't have a problem, it's not hard.

LemonsAreLae · Answer

if you haven't "Cheated" on him your good nothing to worry about.

i think it has to do more with trust, if you can't trust your partner what do you have?

lastly its good to denfine what "Cheating" means to you as a couple. For some its looking at porn, for other its intercoarse, or not asking for permission if your in an open relationship, etc.

douride2 · Answer

in my opinion no matter how long the relationship has been cheating is a no go. If my partner cheated on me he would be out the door on his ass. Never coming back into my life.

Twalli · Answer

Then don't cheat. People don't cheat without realizing it. It's not like you'll fall on another guy's dick and there was no way to prevent it from happening. So, if you cheat it wasn't an accident, you knew you were doing it. You may regret it later, but in the moment, you didn't have a problem with it.

Autisticguy · Answer

No, there’s no time to salvage, trust is forever broken, once a cheater always a cheater

The only way someone stops being a cheater is with consequences, without consequences they won’t ever stop. These are bad people. Cheaters are bad people, stop defending them

Kelley1 · Answer

A few days, unless he formed a relationship.

ImalwaysrightOK · Answer

Your boyfriend is right. Cheaters are scum with no morals or conscience and should be discarded like the trash that they are. I could never forgive or forget my girlfriend fucking another guy.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Cheating isn't a mistake. It's worrying your thinking of cheating, or his stand point wouldn't matter. You're obviously not committed, do him a favour and stop wasting his time

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

No, cheating is immediate deal breaker. I dont care if we been dating 6 months or 50 years. You cheat, your gone.

rebelsunshine · Answer

I'm onboard with the AI. Your boyfriend's views ARE rigid. Maybe should dump him and find yourself an AI boyfriend. I hear they're all the rage among young ladies these days!

Anonymous · Answer

I feel like it would depend on the people and how the relationship works if my husband cheated on me id be devastated but I wouldn't end it because he treats me amazingly and is a great provider but in past relationships I would have ended it

LiamJHayden · Answer

I would not. Cheating is a one-and-done. A lack of integrity at that level will not be tolerated.

Zionne · Answer

It wasn't the person's fault (the who got cheated on)... It was the cheater who abandoned the relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

I agree with your boyfriend. You chose to end the relationship the second you decide to cheat.

Evsisa · Answer

I wouldn’t work through cheating. He’d be out of my life immediately.

Snowman84 · Answer

Cheating is a hard thing to get through, if you’re partner doesn’t take the responsibility seriously it will end sooner or later

Staximus · Answer

You aren't "fighting for us" when you cheat, You're giving up.

jahaims · Answer

I have self respect. I would never take back a trash cheater

Anonymous · Answer

He’s right. He can fight 10 guys who want u , but not the one u wanted

Anonymous · Answer

Nobody should ever do cheating, it takes time to work trough something like that.

Cheerfull009 · Answer

Hate cheating in relationship, must finish very soon

Unycorn · Answer

I would never be able to trust again

nron97 · Answer

Cheating ends the relationship

ABC1x1x · Answer

I would never try to work through cheating.

Anonymous · Answer

He's right you're wrong

Agape93 · Answer

I wouldn't

Anonymous · Answer

Never.

How long would a relationship have to be for you to try and work through cheating?

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How long would a relationship have to be for you to try and work through cheating?

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