Am I dumb for helping him even though his baby mother says he's begging her for sex?

[tempirl2012]

So recently, I helped my boyfriend get his lights turned on and I bought him some furniture for his house. Oh well. And no he doesn't help me for real. It's just I'm nice to everybody. Even though, they never really help me in return. I'm just being the best girlfriend ever. But anyway... she's constantly making statuses calling me dumb for staying with him. I know he's sleeping with other women and possibly have another baby on the way. I just don't care. I mean I do still love him. we been together almost 9 years. I'm helping him get his life together. He said she's lying on him too. I don't know. She did send me screenshots of him contacting her asking her for sex. She told him that she's talking to someone else. I don't know. It's just too much. I hope she leaves me alone. He doesn't have to post me or anything. I never asked him to post me on Facebook or anywhere else. I feel like people are laughing at me. Am I dumb for helping him even though his baby mother told me he he begged her for sex and sent the screenshots? Im embarrassed. But I don't want to leave him ALONE either. I have dated other men , but we always end up back together.

She said she's mad that I had people watching her. Which I did. I just wanted to make sure HE wasn't at her house holding the baby he HAD ON ME.

[MrOracle]

This is a toxic and chaotic situation because you've decided to be with a toxic and chaotic man. I hope you understand that this means that you're forever going to have toxicity and chaos in your life, because that's what you've invited into it. You know he's sleeping with other women and even gotten one of them pregnant? What are you doing? Is this what you want in your life?

Maybe it is. Maybe you think this is the best you deserve - and maybe it is. I have no idea if that's true or why you might think that, but the situation is insane from my perspective.

The first major lesson of adulting is that you cannot change other people - you have to accept them for who they are, and you should not expect them to change. Instead, it's YOUR job to decide if they qualify for a space in your life or not, and you do that by thinking long and hard about your own morals and values and the boundaries that those morals and boundaries create, and then you need to apply those boundaries to any prospective partner and see if they qualify. Many will not, and you have to be willing to send them on their way in life, regardless of how attractive they are or what your feelings about them are. If you don't do this, then you're effectively inviting all of their worst traits into your life, and YOU will end up having to deal with a lot of that.

That's where you are at right now. You clearly aren't happy about it, yet you seem resigned to this fate, as if you can't change it. You CAN change it, but you have to have the willpower to do so. That's the only way things will get better. And in my opinion, you'd better do that before you make a mistake that can't be undone - like having children with him, or maybe getting a deadly STD from him.

If you are waiting for some authority to tell you what to do, or to erect some boundaries around you to try and save you - those people aren't coming. You're an adult now, and it's YOUR job to put up the boundaries and to enforce them. How well or poorly you do that is going to determine the quality of the rest of your life.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah that’s one sided and using someone for money to just cheat on them is sick. He’s using you…. I don’t know how else to say it.

[RxR0954]

Sounds like trauma bonding… being in denial plays a part too especially when you have all the evidence in front of you but you refuse to believe it and you refuse to leave no matter how horrible of a person he is. Is all the chaos making you happy?

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a parody of a real question

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, what a rollercoaster of a situation! 🌀 Let's be real: love can make us do things that seem out of character, and sometimes we ignore those neon "red flags" flashing in our faces. It sounds like you’ve invested a lot into this relationship, but your well-being deserves attention too. Trust and respect are essentials in love, and without them, things can get overwhelming pretty fast.

Remember, you're not "dumb"—you’re passionate and caring. But maybe it's time to prioritize your happiness and ensure you’re not sacrificing it for someone who isn't fully committed. Sometimes, being the "best girlfriend" isn't about what you do for them, but what you do for you.💕

[lightbulb27]

nice people get abused by users.

get away.. far away.

find a decent guy that values and respects you. might require upping your game a bit with boundaries.

do not help them.

BLOCK!!

[Anonymous]

Yes.