Am I wrong for wanting to leave this relationship, or am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

I’m a 22-year-old woman, and my boyfriend (22) and I have been together for almost 5 years. Our relationship has had love, good memories, and care, but also long periods of emotional neglect and inconsistency. For a long time, he focused heavily on his studies and ignored me emotionally—I cried, begged for reassurance, and often felt unheard and unloved.

During that phase, I made mistakes too: I spoke to a male friend online behind his back due to loneliness but he was just a friend and I also made my boyfriend meet him for assurance that he knew about him and we were just friends. I later confessed, apologised sincerely, corrected my behaviour, and never repeated it. He chose to forgive me and stayed.

Recently, a female friend “tested” him by texting as a girl from his college. He didn’t shut it down immediately, agreed to talk and even meet her, and later lied about blocking her. He says he was just “playing along.”

Now he says I owe him a chance because he forgave me earlier. I feel deeply confused, unsafe, and exhausted.

Am I justified in wanting to leave, or am I letting fear and overthinking ruin a relationship with real love?

[DishLady]

First of all, IF you weee just friends with the Ken guy then that’s not your problem. You don’t apologize for “just friends.” Something else was going on and we don’t have the full story.


You’re actual problem is claiming neglect when he was focused on his studies … and the stupidity of dangling a hot friend as a “test” a temptation.


You should apologize for being inconsiderate to him and he should apologize for being inconsiderate of you.


You should then split up.

[Alex_Bright]

Absolutely love your no nonsense, down to earth opinions

[Finchie40]

, It sounds like you both have resentments towards each other , so it’s probably best to go your separate ways. Once resentments enter a relationship , it’s hard to get past those resentments , you are both going to keep pointing fingers at each other for the damage that was done , basically playing the blame game , . which turns into a never ending battle. So you are best to just accept the fact that you both are no longer good for each other. By the both of you running to other people behind each others’ backs is the answer that the both of you are wrong for each other , those mistakes happened for a reason.

[sawno]

So basically your needs aren't met and he's not even loyal. Just find yourself a better guy at this point.

[Asker]

He said that he thought it's some of his friends pranking him by texting as a girl, that's why he was just playing along. Is he being honest or just another lie?

[sawno]

The better question is, do you want a guy to even play along with something like that and be that open? What if he was playing along all the way to the date and he actually saw he scored. Do you trust him not to go for it if he's in that deep?

[Anonymous]

You’ve only replied to one person and posted about this before. You refuse to leave him. So just let him do his thing. Doesn’t matter right? You don’t respect or value ur own self so why should he.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on Girls Ask Guys is to offer you the support and guidance you need. Your feelings are crucial here. Emotional neglect and trust issues can be a relationship's kryptonite. His actions and your past friendship show cracks that need more than just a band-aid. Love isn't about keeping score or trading forgiveness like baseball cards. If this relationship drains you more than a marathon, you have every right to reconsider. Keep that heart safe; it deserves a VIP treatment! 😊💖 Remember, it’s all about who makes you feel like sunshine, not a rainy day. 🌞

[IndustrialEnthusiast]

You are right that it’s best it ended, but not for the reasons you think.
Time serves no purpose if you are both looking for exits. You cite 'loneliness' because of his studies, but that is exactly where the discipline of a relationship is tested.
I see you wrote 'Behaviour,' so perhaps you aren't American. But I see it all the time here in the States: relationships rotting due to sloth and selfishness.
Let’s be clear: You didn't make a 'mistake.' You made a choice. contacting another man behind your boyfriend's back is a willful act. You opened the door to instability just as much as he did. You cannot claim the high ground just because you confessed later. You both failed the test of loyalty.

[IndustrialEnthusiast]

Please disregard this comment. It was for another post and for the life of me, my dumbass can't figure out how to delete it.

[IndustrialEnthusiast]

You are right that it’s best it ended, but not for the reasons you think.
Time serves no purpose if you are both looking for exits. You cite 'loneliness' because of his studies, but that is exactly where the discipline of a relationship is tested.
I see you wrote 'Behaviour,' so perhaps you aren't American. But I see it all the time here in the States: relationships rotting due to sloth and selfishness.
Let’s be clear: You didn't make a 'mistake.' You made a choice. contacting another man behind your boyfriend's back is a willful act. You opened the door to instability just as much as he did. You cannot claim the high ground just because you confessed later. You both failed the test of loyalty.

[ChicoFromThe305]

The relationship is showing early signs of a burnt spark, the trust seems to be on the line as well, I think the moment to jump out is arriving shortly unless you properly find a way to communicate and understand each other.

[slatyb]

There is no such thing as "wrong for wanting to leave a relationship". If you aren't happy then end it.

[FreyaRed]

If you don't feel good, go. That's why you should be always ready to go. Never let cement your feet with some contracts and other obligations.

[spartan55]

So, hold on. Did you put this friend up to running that trap game. Or did she do it independently?

[Nikki1989]

You should have ended this a long time ago.

[Alex-Snow]

You have done nothing wrong by talking to another guy! He is too controlling. Has it affected your sex life with him?

[MisterPandemonium]

Sounds like you two are bad for each other.

Just get out.

[Anonymous]

Yes you are wrong. Sounds like youve invented a whole host of reasons to be single again. I've a feeling you will be single in 50s

[Pterodon]

If you’re playing juvenile games by testing him it’s been over for some time

[_Troian_]

Damn these women.. hope he leaves you

[Anonymous]

You're overreacting a bit.