When relationships get difficult, what usually helps you stay connected rather than pull away?

[VIVANT]

No details for the time being 🌟

Updates

4 mo

OK, I don’t think it’s actually makes a huge difference conceptually (because of the clear overlap between the two posts) I just want you guys to know that I appear to be answering the question about _safety_ not connection. 😂

Well, i wrote them both at the same time I-around 4 AM pre sleep so it’s easy for me to interchange the tooth but yeah, just heads up in case you sent some misalignment with my response to your posts.🙃

Thank you for your contributions 🙂 💛

[sawno]

For me the goal is always to solve the issue together and help each other trough it. If emotions are to high then you take a small break to both calm down to the point of rationality and then you try to solve it, if they get to high again during you repeat. But for me the goal has always been to stay connected as much as we can and solve things as fast as you can. If you are on top of that and supportive when there are no immediate solutions then its pretty manageable. If you don't fix things early and they spiral out of control then good luck.

[VIVANT]

You catching things before they fester is ideal and maintaining care during discord, is essential in my opinion and care can include not taking a personally when somebody else to step back or step away just to calm, or collect themselves

[OlderAndWiser]

If she says, "I have a problem with something between us that I would like to resolve," I will listen and try to develop a fix or a compromise to resolve the problem. If I feel attacked, I will run rather than fight.

[VIVANT]

I can understand that 💯 and while I can’t imagine being attacked in the context of an intimate relationship , I can relate to the first part and I’d likely have a low threshold for the second. The ability to maintain respect and Integrity while angry and or experiencing discord, is in my opinion, one of the most important facets for a “safe” feeling relationship.

Bc if potential conflict feels like risk — genuine communication becomes impossible…. Understanding is a eroded and once understanding starts to road compassion diminishes, and then the whole coherence of the situation false apart.. to me. I think it’s even more important than how good things feel when they’re good is the ability to stay close from when things are not good.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, if my wife and I have a disagreement, I will tell her, "I'm angry but I always love you and I hate us being at odds, so let's get this resolved quickly."

[sage2021]

I tend to get very quiet 🤐 and am just not my usual joyvial self while I am thinking 🤔 about what to do to make the situation better.
Plus it gives him some time to think about it as well.
Then we finally come together and both realized how much we love each other and we hug🫂 and make up.
We never let it get out of hand or left.

[VIVANT]

Aaand your question is where I realized I’m in the wrong category of my own post 😆 . I’m going to recalibrate and return. I just feel bad when I answered a lot of questions and then I leave half of them with no response so I just felt like saying that it’s nothing personal and I’ll be back. 🙃🙂

[sage2021]

Cool! 👍🏼

[DishLady]

A common point -- a shared moment, thought process, sense of humor... Even in the midst of a heated argument, if you can find the point of commonality that will help you check in with each other then you're able to patch things up. Once that vanishes you know that this is the last time you'll walk away... and that you have to act on it.

[VIVANT]

I really see the value here the action as well as the receptivity sensitivity esp in the midst of negative vibrations. And yes I think when things become so rigid that you can’t maneuver in a close way at all - regardless of what’s currently happening- time to pack up your stuff and close shop. bit of course this woke be visible only after a long period of communication plummeting I think people maintaining conference and connection can’t be caught off guard by this.

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach, my aim on Girls Ask Guys is to help you keep the love alive even during those stormy seas. When things get tricky, engaging in open communication and cozy family moments keeps me anchored instead of drifting apart. 😜 Let's face it: a sprinkle of humor, some shared giggles, and a dash of empathy can work wonders to flirt away the tension! Don't let the red flags wave too high, and always find the sparkle in your connection! 🥰❤️

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Feeling love! That's one reason that resonates instantly for me, but it's also a tricky one because love does not mean that I, she or we have the capacities to overcome difficulties encountered... It will help boosting willpower, but not about capacity, when mutual capacity is the problem

[VIVANT]

I can not disagree. I may add some thoughts later.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Aye sir 🫡

[lightbulb27]

you have to stop and listen, look in ward. explore if you find any truth in the others viewpoint. sometimes just accept its seen different. evaluate... what are you willing to accept vs fight to the end on.

It may be diff male/female as well as power dynamic which can be female/male.

return back to a stable foundation...

Execessive pain can no longer tolereate requires pulling away before the whole being breaks down.

return back to a stable foundation...

[VIVANT]

Yeah, I think being able to maintain a cohesive environment. Independent of the particular irregularities or asymmetries is invaluable and as long as the focus on maintaining the cohesion doesn’t override peoples individual spirit then I think it’s a great formula. It’s a bit of a tricky balance to make sure that everybody maintains their individually wall. You know the whole unit is supported, but it’s definitely possible as long as there’s consistent communication and honesty and awareness. .

[lightbulb27]

Vivant, so you are dating now? That's good, it's a challenge to learn about self, you grow!

how you feel about meeting another female from new york whose on this site, but only been anon? I talked to her a lot, she depressed cannot find or make friends. But she is quite negative. ever meet anyone you met here?

[Zack-Bann]

I think the good memories can help hold a relationship together when facing bad times


That’s why longer relationships require more to break


If you take the time build a good story you will both want to go back to it


That’s why no date is too trivial, no vacation is pointless, no lazy Sunday is a waste

[whiskeyontherocks]

Honestly nothing wrong with taking a break from one another just being quiet in each other’s presence or finding your own space at times is important, after all It’s part of the process. Yes a relationship and growth in a relationship is a process physically emotionally intellectually
just don’t sleep in separate beds…
Don’t fall for the fairy tale romance it’s going to be a rough ride so just enjoy what you can

[VIVANT]

Ah thanks I’m not asking for advice - I’m just interested in looking around at how people find they function best. So would it be fair to say that the above is autobiographical? 🙂

[rosemilk]

actively working towards our future together and talking about it usually helps. and also having "bonding experiences". doesn't have to be anything special, something like getting a coffee or tea every Tuesday.

[VIVANT]

I can see how that would be important. Esp the constant small things that have consistent impact over time.

[Lliam]

Both parties put in effort to stay in touch, converse, enjoy each other's company, and let each other know how much they care about each other.

[VIVANT]

This is never bad and always good !!

[MrChinaski]

The belief built on hard evidence over an extended period of time that you love each other and that your relationship is strong enough to survive and grow from conflict.

If you don't have that, it's probably toss a coin, stay or go.

[VIVANT]

I think I can agree, is this true to your experience?

[MrChinaski]

I'm separated. But have been with my wife 25 years and raised children together. We always found a path through together because no matter how different our needs and opinions we trusted we would always hold each other... until we didn't... surprise ending, I guess. I overshare.

[MrChinaski]

The hallmark of a failing relationship, in my experience, is a feeling that you would love someone forever if they were only a different person. I'm not sure if that makes sense. Have had that feeling a number of times in my life and it is pretty much unsalvageable from there. Your unconscious is telling you it has already moved on and your conscious self just needs to catch up.

Do you feel like that in your current relationship?

[Nikki1989]

Communicating honestly but gently.

[VIVANT]

Can’t disagree with that!

[Sentimental_Stoic]

When the efforts don’t stop, from both sides. In whatever small way and magnitude.

[VIVANT]

Absolutely invaluable.

[Finchie40]

Communication and reassurance

[VIVANT]

I will never not like answer.

[Finchie40]

It’s the respectful thing to do , whether your upset with your partner or not , if you are upset with them , try not to hold a grudge for too long , unless you want your partner to suffer and assume crazy shit lol , think how you would feel if the tables were turned , Always remember we aren’t mind readers , so communication and reassurance is the respectful thing to do , if you want to continue your relationship with your partner

[ArrowheadSW]

I can feel like I can stay connected if the difficulty is something that can be resolved. In other words, if I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. There have been times that I've left. There seemed like no point to being in the relationship let alone putting in the time and effort.

[TonyMetal___86]

The presence of the person, when i need someone, i just need to be around them, when you love someone, you know that things will be fixed fast!

[VIVANT]

The presence of someone you love is beautiful even when there’s a struggle and being able to keep in mind how much you appreciate them and how much they appreciate you is really golden.

[TonyMetal___86]

True, cause in a real marriage where there's real love, no matter how much the spouses argues or feel sad, they will always have each other, the problem won't last long because at some point they just want to forget about everything and hug each other, they know that they are with each other forever and that they only have each other in this world, love always conquers!

It seens poetic to a lot of people what i just wrote, it's because the majority of today's people lacks what is called "real love" or they just don't understand what it means and the conditions that comes with it...

First of all you have to see how many marriages in today's world are lasting forever?

Second question: even if a marriage lasts forever, you have to ask if the couple are truly happy in their marriage?

The majority of new relationships and marriages comes with an expiry date and that's the basic problem, they forgot that real love is eternal, it begins at some point but will never end!

[Anonymous]

I don't know. I have every reason to quit someone, but I can't

[VIVANT]

Hmmm I don't know the details but I suppose if you feel you can’t walk away then perhaps it’s not _every_ reason to walk away — even if the reasons to do so feel overwhelming. Is it possible the minority has more impact than the majority in your case?

[Opinion Owner]

Unfortunately.

[Ad_Quid_Orator]

Honest communication once you start to notice a problem.

[VIVANT]

Absolutely this one is gold. 👌

[PeachyPie93]

Good communication between both people.. and for both to want to fix things. One person can't do it on their own..

[Tarifa]

A common life goal. Kids. Shared interests.

[VIVANT]

This is really very grounded and probably one of the most effective forms of safety in relationship. It doesn’t look fancy, but it’s got extremely solid structure and things can grow from that things can grow and things can stay stable, which is ideal environment for viable conditions. .

[Tarifa]

Thanks. That's exactly how I view it.

[beenherebefore]

Discussing the issue helps a lot. Also giving space to each other can be helpful.

[MysticDevice]

If I knew the answer I'd still be in one 😅

[VIVANT]

I’m sure there are things that you could extract from the relationships or experiences that you’ve had that you could easily apply to viable structure for future relationships all relationships. teach something even if It kind of feels bad lol and a lot of the time they wisdom develop in the interim not when you’re in relationships, but when you’re outside of them in observational mode

[MysticDevice]

That is true. Hindsight is a useful thing

[blondfrog]

No issues with my wife still knock on wood

[VIVANT]

I’m so happy for you!! 💛

[blondfrog]

Thank you so much 😊🙏

[Chocolatetwopoint3]

id pull away, i dont want any drama

[Twalli]

It would really depend on what the difficulties are about.

[privateperson]

Vulnerability in the communication

[queenofcardio]

I think of the reasons why I fell in love

[Jerre]

Lots of sex

[Jerre]

@VIVANT Thank you for the Like

[VIVANT]

I can appreciate consistency lol

[Jerre]

@VIVANT I just love to fuck

[Anonymous]

Kids and finances

[Bloodparadise]

True friends always have your back