Did I overreact or is what she did messed up?

[Anonymous]

My wife (34F) and I (27M) had a slight argument. We just recently got legally married and are saving up for our actual wedding so we haven't taken any big trips. About a month and a half ago I asked her if she wanted to go snow tubing for a long weekend we had coming up. She told me no, she doesn't like snow tubing. I said okay, nevermind then.

Then about two or three weeks ago she comes home and tells me that her and her girlfriends are planning a snow tubing trip for the end of February. I got very annoyed since I had JUST proposed that idea and was told no, but now all of a sudden she wants to go snow tubing. We had a small argument about it and it was over, but I told her stuff like this always happens. I suggest something and she says no, but the second her friends suggest it she says yes.

Did I overreact or is that kind of messed up?

[DishLady]

Ok, so normally I don't recommend "put your foot down" dialogues, but I'm a big supporter of "be straight with me" dialogues. You have to sit down with her and -- without arguing -- explain that your feelings are hurt when you propose something and she only chooses to do it if her friends propose/approve of it.

I figure this is what is happening... She DOES NOT WANT to go tubing. Period. You propose it and she can be honest with you. She goes out and tells her friends "UGH, can you believe it? Bob wanted me to go tubing. ME? At my age? I'll look ridiculous." (This comes from you being younger and her being older... She doesn't want to look and feel ridiculous to her friends.)

Her friends who are at least 10-50% jealous that she's hitched to a younger guy who can give her cool fun ideas like going tubing say "Well... that actually sounds like fun... I wish I could do that... MY guy never suggests anything that cool... Let's ALL go, that way we don't look ridiculous bc we're in a group."

Suddenly the idea isn't so ludicrous after all. So she agrees to go.

Look back at anything else you've suggested and see why she might have sought out GROUP COMFORT over the risk of looking and feeling foolish for being with you.

I get why this would make you unhappy. Try this for next time: Suggest that one of her friends and their boyfriend/hubby come along with you, that way you're four people going on a fun exciting adventure.

[fantasticass]

I'd be pissed off, she's being selfish. I suggest the two of you sit down and write out a plan about saving money. Set out a budget, focus on the money, and stick to the plan. If she doesn't stick to the plan, then she's not wife material.

[Quigly]

Dude, What was your reason for getting Married?

Was your reason to have a Kid?

If you say Love was the reason you're an Idiot. Marriage is not about Love and was never designed to be about Love.

If you are not planing on having a kid with this girl I would file for an annulment. You are learning why being single is the preferred lifestyle.

[foxsquirrell]

Lol. No I don't think you over reacted. You have a point. Why would she say no to you for something, and yes to her friends for the same thing? How on Earth did she argue this by the way? How did she defend her decision to say no to you and yes to her friends?

[AI Opinion]

My goal here is to sprinkle a little sunshine in your love life 🌞! Navigating relationships can get a little murky, like when you're caught in a snowstorm of emotions. 🚨😂

It sounds like you hit a classic relationship hiccup! It's not exactly what she’s planning but how she excluded you. The key? Communication, my friend! Chat with her—maybe it’s about her feeling more comfortable with her friends, or it could be a simple misunderstanding. Focus on expressing how it made you feel rather than placing blame, and be open to her perspective, too. You'll be sledding through these conflicts in no time! 😉

[queenofcardio]

I would be so annoyed. They probably presented the idea differently to her. They're probably also going to do other activities together or she probably just didn't wanna go with you.

[Abbycado]

There are way too many variables here that I might not know about. Based only on the context you give, that isn't right that it is okay with her friends and not you.

[Beckybooboo]

What was her reasoning for going with her friend? Without knowing the complete context and if she didn't have a legitimate reason, she was wrong.

[dudeinohio]

That is messed up. You didn't overreact. I hate when women do that.

[beefcakebradybatson]

She's a woman. Women have the prerogative to change their mind.

[blackeagle007]

I hope you were invited. But yea that is annoying

[Ariesman81]

You want the red pill or the blue pill?

[Staximus]

You did not overreact, you're right.