In need of help with this situation?

[Anonymous]

So how would I get a partner.

when the perception of me is :

Young women are turned off by my visual looks & can't tolerate & accept that I have a disability.


Whilst older women find me attractive & aren't bothered by that yet , with more than five age gap or more on me have concerns over age difference & compatibility & whether their children like me.


With both generations of women being unable to accept me I don't see a way in which I could have a relationship with someone regardless young or old if both can't fundamentally see through either perceptions.

[HollyK21]

What sort of disability could you have that younger women don’t like it but older women don’t mind? Because when it comes to that I really don’t think age is a factor, it’s either someone can handle it or they can’t.

[Asker]

High functioning autism i. e. Asperger's syndrome. Which people like Elon Musk & Anthony Hopkins have.

[HollyK21]

That’s not so bad, I have an ex that also had high functioning autism. We broke up for reasons outside of his condition. I was 22 and definitely made an effort to understand him though. I also didn’t judge, and he had a few women interested in him outside of me. In fact that became an issue but that’s another conversation.

[Asker]

If it wasn't bad then why I'm finding the younger type feeling it problematic & not possible to be with me as a result.

[HollyK21]

In your case, I try to think about what could lead up to a woman drawing this conclusion. I highly doubt you approach and mention being on the spectrum right out the gate. Like I’m sure the dialog isn’t “Hi I’m Joe and I’m autistic. I’ve also got Asperger’s. Wanna go out sometime?”. A series of events has to take place before you let the woman in on your condition, so how do those conversations/interactions go?

Let’s say you do basically approach and immediately tell women you’re on the spectrum — why would you do something like that? Rather than letting them get to know you a bit first before revealing it? I ask because your condition doesn’t have to define you, and you should let a woman experience who you actually are first and foremost rather than setting the stage for you to appear unstable or unable to properly function. With the guy I dated I didn’t know he was on the spectrum right out the gate, we spoke and hung out for a good month and some change before I found out.

[Asker]

No I'd rather be honest than lie with what autistic person does.
It was something they would ask straight away like do you take meds , are you difficult in your eyes. Sounds like he didn't accept he's condition for him not to want to tell you.

[Asker]

But anyways my condition apparently does define me according to women.
So now I have to find some sort of solutions to accept that I cannot be loved in a world made for only neurotypicals.
Whilst also trying to find a way to cope that I won't be a dad either. 😔

[HollyK21]

He didn’t get diagnosed until like his late teens, so he really didn’t have much time having knowledge of it before meeting me. According to him though, he just didn’t think it was something to mention immediately because he was high functioning and didn’t think it affected how he interacted with people. I couldn’t take away from that because prior to finding out I genuinely wouldn’t have known. The most signs he’s show was hanging on to something funny that someone said and laughing about it for a long time. But that’s really it. I think if it affected him more then I’d have felt some type of way about him not telling me sooner.

So if you feel like your condition really impacts how you act then I don’t blame you for being transparent early in. I just think it could give you an unfair shot, mainly because of the average person’s understanding of mental illness, which is none. It turns you into a red flag when you may not have even warranted it.

[Asker]

& why does being autisticmean your red flag exactly?

[HollyK21]

Mainly because a lot of people weren’t raised to understand mental illness. Sort of like how some parents don’t educate their kids about sexuality, then when they encounter a classmate who’s LGBTQ, they steer clear of a guy/girl because they automatically assume that person will be interested romantically in them when that’s not quite how it works. Like for a guy, just because another dude is gay does not mean he’s going to have a crush.

So when a woman who isn’t knowledgeable when it comes to being on the spectrum, has a guy just flat out say they’ve got both autism and Asperger’s, it raises a red flag of concern because they don’t know any better. They automatically assume you’ll
Be problematic and/or they’ll be able to handle whatever comes with it.

[Asker]

It's just Asperger's not both of them. But like I said I now have to find a way going through the remainder of my life not being able to be a dad because I don't have a partner.

[HollyK21]

I’m not going to try convincing you of anything, you’re entitled to what you believe. However I don’t think you fully believe or want that, otherwise you would’ve just made peace with that choice rather than ask questions like the one you did here. I’m not special or a phenomenon, I’m not the only woman who was fine with a guy on the spectrum. Hopefully you find her one day.

[Asker]

Thanks for neurotypical optimism
.
But I think you'd be surprised how very few women, would accept a disabled male romantically in general.

[msc545]

I gather you are not tall, good-looking, and rich. If that is in fact the case, then forget about getting women in what is normally called an "organic" fashion. Instead, just hire prostitutes. It is actually less expensive than dating, and you will have a better time. You will always get to have sex with them; that is what they do for a living. Many of them are very nice women as well.

[Asker]

No I'm actually 6,2 in height but that doesn't give me an advantage.

I'm sub 6 so yes not particularly attractive & ofc I wouldn't be rich.

[msc545]

Okay then I think it's time for you to get acquainted with some friendly prostitutes. The money you spend day that you would spend dating can be spent on these ladies and you will. have a wonderful time. For the majority of men who do not have the sort of disability that you have described, finding a woman who is a reasonable human being and treats them decently is an uphill battle anyway.

[lightbulb27]

whats your question?

you need to work on yourself and up your game. end of story.

[Asker]

Classic Boomer mentality 😂

[lightbulb27]

Thats a good point! The mentality is different now.
Your generation answer, get a cat...

[Asker]

Nah more of a dog person , have two already. 🐶

[lightbulb27]

if they are big bushy dogs, then you have chick magnets. should have a line of women coming up to you, you just have to distract them from the dogs.

[lightbulb27]

testosterone levels down... plastics in the body simulating estrogens, diet changes. that be part of the problem.
go to gym and lift heavy weights! cleanup diet.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle love messes and actually get you closer to real connection, not fantasy.

You’re not undateable, you’re just playing in the wrong lane, love. Stop chasing groups who’ve already shown you they don’t vibe with your situation. Focus on women who already accept disability, maybe through communities, hobbies, or online spaces. Confidence, humor, and emotional maturity are hotter than “perfect looks.” One genuinely compatible woman beats a hundred half-interested ones.

[Asker]

There isn't another lane to go into 🤦.

[Billlewis]

If you can’t attract it, pay for it.

[Asker]

Even they don't want to see me