Should I let my boyfriend know or let it slide?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriends cousin called me a bitch because I ignored his messages and he didn't like it after he did the same thing to me. And then went on to say that he did not mean it the way I took it because I did not take well to it. The last time I told my boyfriend that his cousin called me stupid he did not take it too well. Should I tell my boyfriend anyway knowing it would cause more drama for him and his cousin, or do I let it slide for the sake of their relationship?

Updates

4 mo

Just to phrase it better, my apologies. My boyfriend did not take it well the last time by being upset with his cousin, not me. He took his cousin on about it and wanted to cut him off completely for calling me stupid, I'm just afraid that telling him this would be my fault if the relationship of theirs goes sour.

[SueShe]

I personally would not let it slide because if you do, then the cousin will know that you are not going to say anything in the future either and then will continue to be mean to you and to call you names.

While the situation may be uncomfortable to your boyfriend, it is also a test for you to see how he reacts and whom he prioritizes. His cousin that he knows and has probably a relatively good relationship with or would he prioritize you and have your back covered by giving his cousin hell.

The problem I see is that relationships like with your boyfriend usually don't last past a few months or a few years and then they are things of the past.

Is it worth for your boyfriend to get into a fight with his cousin knowing that perhaps your relationship is not going to last a lifelong?

The decision is all yours but I would tell him just to give a lesson to his cousin not to mess with you.

[Asker]

May I know why you feel relationships like this wouldn't last?

And yes I feel if I leave it he would just feel it's okay to do.

[SueShe]

It's just that in our totally screwed up society where relationships are so superficial and end as soon as people are fed up with experimenting with each other, relationships last a couple of months only.

[Asker]

Thanks for clearing that up.

[beenherebefore]

If I were in your shoes I'd tell my Partner and mention that you dealt with the situation yourself and there's no need for him to intervene and you just want to keep in him on the loop.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I assume calling anyone a bitch here isn't some kind of mutually appreciated humor, I assume he's insulting you and you are insulted.

In how you described the situation, your grudge is with the cousin, so there's already that to solve. Simultaneously, I think it's totally okay to share this event with your boyfriend, because it affects you.

Now, how do you feel about the consequences for you when you choose to not inform your boyfriend, what mental price do you pay for that? Because it can go two ways: You can feel like you could move on and just terminate contacts with the cousin, on your own. You can also feel like you're sacrificing something in order to maintain peace between them. So I don't have an answer, but you do have a couple of questions now. Hope it helps🍀

[Finchie40]

I’d tell my partner because why is the cousin talking to you behind his cousin’s back in the first place?

[Asker]

Was not behind his back but no definitely told my boyfriend anyway. I just did not want to cause a rift between them because of me.

[Finchie40]

Well the cousin seems to be out of line if he is calling you a bitch so your partner has every right to know that his cousin is talking to you that way , just because someone is family it doesn’t give them a right to be out of line , so let your boyfriend have some rift with him , maybe it will teach him a lesson

[Asker]

Definitely.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you dodge red flags without losing your mind or your heart ❤️

You’re not a doormat, you’re his girlfriend. His cousin calling you a “bitch” is straight-up disrespect, then gaslighting you with “I didn’t mean it like that.” Classic.

Tell your boyfriend calmly, no drama, just facts. If he values you, he’ll set boundaries. If protecting his cousin matters more than protecting you, that’s a bigger red flag than the cousin’s mouth 😏

[DishLady]

You and the cousin are very dramatic. Stop the cycle of drama. Dragging your man into it by "tattle tailing" and letting him know his blood relative is a pos isn't going to do anything to help the situation. Just ignore the cousin from now on and if anyone asks you then you can share that "he is disrespectful towards me and I'm don't deserve to be spoken to the way he insists on speaking to me. It's better if we just stay away from each other."

[OlderAndWiser]

Why do you continue to interact with the boyfriend? You know what you're going to get from him, right?

[Asker]

Hi what do you mean?

[OlderAndWiser]

You know how he acts and you continue the involvement, so you must be happy with whatever you are getting from him.

[Asker]

I don't really understand what you mean. My boyfriend did not act any way inappropriately, his cousin did.

[madhatters4]

i think telling him is up to you

but what is clear is you need to stop conversing with the cousin. he sounds like a jerk and i don't see why you would expose yourself to that kind of treatment. if you feel it is necessary to maintain a relationship with the cousin then you have to either accept that he may treat you that way, or tell your boyfriend and explain that you need help from him in helping address and fix the matter

[rachelsuissa]

I mean I think you can bring it up and mention that you don’t expect him to cut his cousin off completely but it is just disrespectful and you should not tolerate being spoken to like that so personally, I think you should tell your boyfriend if that’s what you feel is right and let him deal with that the way he sees fit.

[Anonymous]

Why were you messaging his cousin? That sounds shady.

[Asker]

So that I don't look stuck up to his family that message me first.

[Opinion Owner]

Makes sense

[OneViewpoint]

Sounds like life would be better without that cousin in it.

[Theunfadeable]

Why do you have all this contact with your boyfriends, male cousin to where he’s yelling at you cause you’re not texting him back quick enough? 🤨

[Asker]

Because my boyfriend wants me to have contact with his family, and his cousin is entitled like that to assume people don't have lives when we barely talk.

[spartan55]

Sounds like the cousin has a death wish of some sort.

[Anonymous]

I'd want to know if a family member disrespected my girl and mother of my child.

[Asker]

What would the outcome be?

[Opinion Owner]

He would have to apologize to her or else I would cut off contact with him.

[Miristheiss]

Why are you talking to his male cousin at all?

[Asker]

Because like I've been telling everyone asking that question, it's to not be rude and stuck up, he's the only family my boyfriend has nearby, he's my boyfriends bestfriend and because since when is talking to a family member a problem?

[Miristheiss]

You just do not have respectful relationship boundaries.
You talk to his male family THROUGH him. At family events. When you are with him visiting his family. You do not just start talking alone and hanging alone with his male family.

[Asker]

I do not hang out with anyone without him. His cousin initiates a conversation asking for relationship advice or trying to get to know me better as my boyfriends partner and I have made it clear that I can easily not talk to the cousin but my boyfriend said that's the only person in his family that he is close with and I should make the effort. He gave his cousin my information in the first place. So no, I do have respectful relationship boundaries.

[Anonymous]

My question for you is if you have a boyfriend why are you even messaging his cousin? What purpose does that serve?

And yes you should tell him what he said but also tell him how you were messaging him

[Asker]

He knows I was messaging him because his cousin goes to my boyfriend and I for relationship advice normally. He's also my boyfriends bestfriend so keeping it civil was the intention.

[Opinion Owner]

You shouldn't of messaged him

[Asker]

Well I didn't ask anyone if I should have messaged him, I asked whether I should have told my boyfriend about the insult. My boyfriend was okay with me messaging him so it's not really anybody else's judgment to make when not asked for.

[jshm2]

It's only words, and you're making drama where there is none.

[Staximus]

Why are you and his cousin who is a dude texting each other in the first place

[Nikki1989]

No, deal with it.

[MrChinaski]

Alas, if only people still talked.

[In_Trance]

You guys are both knuckleheads

[Asker]

I really do not know why you are not banned yet when you leave irrelevant nasty comments on everyone's posts.