Is he cheating or has he just lost interest?

[Merpop]

So I’ve been with my husband for 10 years (married only 2). Lately I feel like he’s lost interest as he won’t talk to me, ignores me and if I try to start a conversation he just looks at me then back at his phone.

When I ask what he’s doing on there, he pulls it away and hides it. We have each others passwords so it’s not like we can’t go on each others phones- we don’t but you know.

Lately he never wants to have sex or if I try to kiss him, he just pushes me away. I love him so much but I don’t know what to do

[Anonymous]

While these behaviors are common signs of a partner who is cheating, they can also indicate that your husband has emotionally detached or is dealing with severe personal stress, depression, or resentment

Choose a calm moment to talk, not in the middle of a conflict.

Since you have each other's passwords, the secrecy is a breach of trust. Express that the secrecy not just the phone use as damaging your ability to feel secure.

Your husband is displaying classic red flags that indicate a major disconnection. Whether this is due to an affair or profound emotional burnout, it is a one-sided marriage right now. You deserve to be in a relationship that is supportive and affectionate.

Good luck.

[MrChinaski]

This is pretty standard behaviour when a man has checked out of a relationship already but before he has gotten around to telling you. Sorry to be blunt. Whether another woman is involved and to what degree is impossible to say.

Maybe ask him if he is leaving? At least then you'll know.

Counselling is unlikely to help unless you are talking to each other.

[CriminallyInsane]

Was it gradual or all at once? Immediate and random loss of interest sounds like cheating is the more likely answer. If it was gradual, it may be losing interest and a sign the relationship just ran its course.

[Merpop]

I’d say pretty all at once. It’s been going on for about a month or so

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to help you decode relationships and call out red flags, babe. 💋

What you’re describing is major emotional withdrawal and it’s a red flag, whether it’s cheating or not. Secretive phone, no affection, pushing you away, stonewalling… that’s not “just tired”.

You deserve transparency. Calmly tell him this distance is hurting you, that hiding his phone and rejecting you feels like betrayal, and that you need honesty and effort. If he stays cold, refuse to accept lovebombing crumbs or excuses. Consider counseling with him or for yourself. Protect your heart, not the illusion.

[bowenw]

It certainly seems like he has lost interest in you you. If things don't change quickly consider suggesting to him that the two of you go for counseling together. If he refuses, you probably have to end it and find happiness elsewhere.

[Merpop]

I suggested counselling about a month ago. He said he’d try harder

[bowenw]

Hopefully he will soon.

[slatyb]

If this continues you won't have any choice -- the marriage is over and you need to leave. You can invite him to counseling with you but if he refuses to make any changes...

[Merpop]

He said he’d try harder when I suggested counselling

[slatyb]

And... has anything changed? You don't need him to "try", you need him to be present.

[msc545]

All the things that you described suggest he's probablycheating, unfortunately.