Why would a guy who’s already in a relationship call me mean?

[Anonymous]

I usually always nice and i don’t want to be too nice bc this guy has someone already so me being too nice he will think I want him or something the other day he commented that im being mean to him when I really wasn’t I don’t understand

[HollyK21]

So you’re intentionally being mean because he’s in a relationship? That’s absolutely silly and nonsensical.

[Asker]

Noo nooo im being casual he probably just wants me to be extra nice to me

[HollyK21]

You said:

“i don’t want to be too nice bc this guy has someone already so me being too nice he will think I want him or something”

So you are most likely not being the same sort of casual that you previously were, because of your concerns. He has noticed the change and that’s why he called you mean. In any case I already know this is your coworker who you claim is hanging around you too much. Now you’re just being rude rather than asking him to go away.

[Asker]

I mean he do have someone why should I be giving him extra attention

[HollyK21]

You don’t have to give him any attention at all. It’s just that you switched up because you thought you were being too nice and you noticed the change.

[Asker]

No I just had a situation where there was a married man who use to work with me and I was very nice to him bc I respected him as a person and supposedly he later thought I liked him and his friends joked I liked him but in honesty I didn’t so now I’m just being casual I don't know why he would say that plus that day I was on my period

[HollyK21]

You lack social awareness girl. Like honestly.

[Asker]

Huhhh

[HollyK21]

I said you lack social awareness, which by definition means you lack the ability to accurately recognize and understand the emotions, needs, and perspectives of others. You apply your past experiences onto other men who did nothing to warrant having to pay for what someone else did.

[Asker]

Yes I agree sorry

[Anonymous]

Your intentions behind your actions can appear different to an observer witnessing them. What's important isn't "i don't intend to come off as mean" it's "I acted in a way that aligns with my values whether it's understood by others"

[Asker]

I’m not understanding what you trying to say but ok

[Opinion Owner]

You tried not to be too nice because he has a girlfriend. Your reasoning for trying not to be too nice is not known to anyone else, they just see your actions and judge your intentions based on what they can see.

[Asker]

Yeaa but I’m always nice

[Asker]

And he be too close lately to me I don't know y

[Opinion Owner]

When you say "too close" that sounds like a boundary is being crossed. You aren't mean for having boundaries, it's important for a kind person to have boundaries because without them you are a doormat.

[Asker]

Like lately he been checking up on me making sure I’m okay and always keeping on eye on my me from distance which not sure why he cares

[Opinion Owner]

Zooming out a bit, if he didn't have a girlfriend would this behavior still bother you? And if you knew why he cared would that change how you treat him?

[Asker]

I don't know I’m just confused with his behavior

[Opinion Owner]

You want me to say "He likes you and is flirting with you" or you want me to say "he's a creep and he's acting weird" but the truth is much more boring. You were kind to him and then you weren't, and he noticed and whats to know why.

[Asker]

lol nooo I hardly ever even really that nice to him just casual he lately became extra too friendly for someone who is in a relationship, like I’ve said he be checking up on me as if he really cares and always keeping an eye on me from distance bc i see that and he likes to call out my name often

[Asker]

Either way it don’t matter anyways right bc it’s not like his stupid to leave his relationship for someone like me and usually if a man really wants to get with you he will ask you for lunch date

[Opinion Owner]

You should point your energy towards single men, he's in a relationship it has nothing to do with your self worth. And you are just hurting yourself trying to figure out why he doesn’t like you back

[Asker]

Omg. Not true

[Anonymous]

Well how do you know he has someone? Has he said it? Did he say he has someone?

[Asker]

His married

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Him thinking you’re mean is what you want

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to decode confusing behavior… and this guy is throwing mini red flags, sweetheart 😏

He called you “mean” because your distance hurts his ego. He’s low‑key enjoying your attention and wants you to soften up, so he feels desired, even while taken. Classic validation fishing.

You’re not mean. You’re setting boundaries. Keep them. Let his girlfriend be the one “nice” to him, not you. 💅

[Asker]

Exactly they know how to mess with you’re head

[Asker]

If you be too nice he will say ohhh you like me or something I don’t understand