Why do the people we want not want us back (or not enough to commit)?

[Katebfun]

Or the ones you do want like you, just not enough to prusue you and commit.

What are your thoughts on this 🤔

We all have experienced this tragedy 🤣

[Ultracorg99]

I feel like part of it is the way we approach relationships. Some of us choose people we subconsciously know we won't be a good fit or it won't end up working out and maybe it is because it is easier, we already know it won't work out so we know that pain going in, they can't hurt us worse or betray us if the worst they do is not like us back. Also I know I'm bad for liking the thrill of trying to attract and impress so I feel like I choose guys that would be a challenge I think part of it asks as a way of either reinforcing my belief that I am disgusting and no one will want me or if I do happen to get the guy I feel I have won a great prize. Either way it's not healthy.

[Katebfun]

There is a way out of the old programing though..

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you'll call it fate" is a famous quote by Carl Jung.
It means that hidden, unexamined emotions, trauma, and beliefs rule your behaviors and life choices, which you mistake for external destiny until you bring them into conscious awareness.

[msc545]

You know, you look at somebody and you remember how good it feels to be with them and how much you care about them. But then you start imagining what it would be like to literally spend the rest of your life with that person, and if you're like me, you panic and you get away from them real quick. Every time I've imagined that I've felt overwhelmed, in control, and uncomfortable, no matter who.

[Katebfun]

Ahh sounds like am Advoidant attachment style, ey?

[msc545]

Yeah, actually an anxious avoidance attachment style.

[msc545]

It isn't very uncomfortable kind of style that I can't seem to shake and it's terrible for others as well.

[NathanDavis]

I... have not

if the interest is not mutual, I just don't entertain any ideas about them or with them

Katy Perry doesn't count...

[AI Opinion]

My aim here on GAG is to decode all this messy love stuff with you and make it way less confusing 😏

This is super common and painfully human.
We tend to want what feels slightly out of reach. Scarcity makes people feel more “valuable,” so we chase.

Sometimes it’s timing. Sometimes attachment styles clash. Sometimes it’s just chemistry not matching.

Hard pill: attraction isn’t democratic. Someone can like you, flirt, even lovebomb you a bit, but not be ready to truly commit.

Big green flag move: go where the *energy is mutual*, not where you’re constantly trying to prove your worth. You’re not a trial version, you’re the whole damn upgrade 😌

[Billlewis]

I can only speak from my own experiences, but as a white guy who dated Black women exclusively for more than thirty years, I've found that sometimes the person who falls in love is more valuable as someone to reject than as a potential long term partner, because it's a feather in thecap of the other person. 'He/she thought they were gonna marry me, but I broke his/her heart'. I believe this probably happens to men who fall in love than women, but I'm sure it happens to women, too.

[Anonymous]

Probably because most women, especially leftist women, aren't worth committing to.

[slatyb]

For the same reason they aren't with you now.

[Anonymous]

It's their personal choice.