Am I overreacting to my boyfriend’s long work hours and feeling lonely?

[avony12]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for eight months and the relationship is good but the only issue that we deal with is his work schedule. He works very sporadic hours and often sometimes he will work Monday - Sunday and these hours could be from 6 AM to 7 PM or 6 AM to 10 PM. Is hard for me to plan or to include him and plan because if it’s not something planned three or four weeks in advance, I will most likely have to not include him. I’m not trying to be a girlfriend that’s always trying to address problem, but I often feel unfulfilled emotionally and lonely. Yes we have talked about this before but honestly, what can I do with a person that works like that and he volunteers for these hours so it’s not like they are forcing him. I love this relationship. I don’t know if I’m just creating problems…

[HollyK21]

First things first — is it often or sometimes? Because these are two different extremes that cannot go together as “often sometimes”, and make a big difference in the context when we’re talking about Monday-Sunday (the entire week) with work hours basically being the entire day.


My next question would be, where in his crazy schedule is there time for you to “love” this relationship? Are you just confined to late nights (after 7-10pm) and early mornings (before 6am and only until like 5am, likely having to be out of the house before 5 so that he has time to get ready and get to work) with no days off together? I’m just trying to understand how this relationship is even functional and lovable.

[avony12]

Usually he works Mon-Fri but gets called in Sat & Sun. (Sometimes weekends or just that Saturday) Not often but maybe 2 or 3 weekends out the month.

To answer the next, he use to spend the week with me so whenever he gets off he have 2-3 hours to chat before he’s off to bed. So I’m confined to late nights.

He ended up getting a promotion last year so now he’s working the crazy hours. We only have days off together if I plan something weeks in advance so he could get that day off.

[HollyK21]

Thanks for the additional context🙏. Taking all that into consideration, I honestly feel like the only way for the relationship to survive long-term would be for him to either stop volunteering for these extra hours, or at least less often, like once a month only. The problem with that would be if he either needs the money or is trying to live up to any promotional expectations, because in these cases he may not wanna compromise.

If he can’t compromise on the hours, then you’ve got a big decision to make and that’s in whether or not you should stay in that relationship. If this were a thing where you got into this already knowing about his work schedule then I’d be more like ‘well you knew what you were getting yourself into’. But given the fact that he got this promotion once you were already together, we can’t help to acknowledge that this is simply not what you signed up for.

I was trying to figure out what it was that you loved about this relationship, but in all honesty I think what you’re hanging onto are both the memories from the past and your hopes for the future. You spent how many months before this promotion falling for how your relationship flowed at that time, making plans for the future, and now it’s almost a completely different story.

[MountainMetal]

This is hard.

If he's paying off dept or has a higher position in a crunch time there aren't many compromises. Having a healthy work life balance is important for any relationship and it looks like its all work.

You're not wrong for what you are feeling, thats just being human. If you talked to him about it already and it hasn't changed you may be in a position where the relationship isn't sustainable. Just like a job, you clock and and work your hours, a relationship needs upkeep and an allocated time for connection. I'd take some time to think about what you really want and make a decision openly and honestly with your partner

[AI Opinion]

On GAG my aim is to help you decode love, spot red flags, and protect your heart, gorgeous 💘

You’re not overreacting at all. Emotional loneliness in a relationship is a real need, not drama. The big red flag here isn’t just the hours, it’s that he volunteers for them, knowing it hurts your connection. That shows where his priorities lean.

You can accept this lifestyle and build your own full life around it, or admit it’s not enough and leave before you fall deeper. Love without quality time slowly turns into situationship energy, not a real partnership.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, probably.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think so.