Has anyone actually achieved equal emotional labor and mental load with a man?

[Phantomshadow77]

In the vast majority heterosexual, cis relationships, women carry the past major majority of the emotional labor in the mental load. They put in more effort for their partners. Men are often not involved in this kind of labor unless they can gain or avoid something. Such as having more sex or avoiding nagging. Are there any men who proactively take on the mental load and emotional labor? I would prefer answers from women, though men can answer to.

[Summeroflove]

Well all HEALTHY relationships are a trade off…. That trade off may look different for everyone so even if one persons putting the majority of the work in one area, the other partner should be putting the work into another. Meaning if that’s the relationship dynamic the man should be doing more of the physical labor etc etc… Some people are happy in that dynamic but it isn’t for everyone.

I’ve seen men in relationships as well where they’re putting all the effort into it. At the end of the day one person will become miserable it’s best to move on from one sided people as well as figure out if you’re compatible to not waste one another’s time. Someone can also be amazing with a lot to offer…. but you’re not compatible or right for one another wanting and needing different things from a relationship. Doesn’t make anyone bad but both can move on and find someone right

Are there men who contribute this? Absolutely. Men have free will and can choose who they want to be. People can choose to be a user and one sided and narcissistic. People can say “that’s the way men are” or “how women are can’t help themselves” but that’s just giving people a excuse and making people who don’t act that way look bad.

There are men working very high mental and physical stress jobs. I would say those me would probably need a woman whose more nurturing and supportive of him. Not to say it doesn’t work both ways especially in situations where both persons are working those jobs. But the relationship dynamic would depend on the individuals involved as long as it isn’t one sided.

As for myself I can speak. If I really like someone I will invest in that person. If someone isn’t investing in someone that’s a red flag. Sure, some people also learn to manipulate as well by doing and saying to someone what they want to hear but that’s another story as well.

A healthy relationship for me would definitely be supportive of both sides.

[Anonymous]

The "vast majority?"

How many relationships have you been in that you can speak with such authority? Obviously not many, if that's your opinion.

The problem is that when most women talk about "mental load" & "emotional labor" she's only talking about herself, because most women don't even consider their man's feelings, which is why the majority of men, even in relationships, suffer in silence.

We know women don't care about our burdens, and so we are forced to keep them to ourselves. We have learned, through experience, that if we are stupid enough to discuss how we feel, not only will we not receive any support, but she'll find a way to turn it around, and make it about herself.

Men are constantly worried about their woman's mental & emotional load, and do whatever we can to make her happy, despite the fact that, when we need to same consideration from her, we not only don't get it, but it somehow increases her burden.

The vast majority of suicides are committed by men who couldn't handle the strain of carrying his, and everyone else's "emotional load." We carry more than women care to admit, because they don't care unless it's about themselves.

[Phantomshadow77]

Almost every source that talks about emotional labor and the mental load confirms that women take on the majority of the cognitive labor. I’ve seen these dynamics in almost every relationship I’ve seen. I experienced the imbalance first hand. Whenever a man has a problem, the woman rushes to fix it. Whenever the woman has a problem, the man dismisses and calls her overly dramatic.

[OneNisa]

Men tend to prefer the easy way out. Women bear all the burden, and in this case, a one-sided life will inevitably lead to problems in the future.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to make love, dating, and all that messy emotional stuff a little easier to decode for you.

Yes, some men do it, but they’re rare and usually very emotionally aware, often raised by strong women or did therapy. I’m married and I share the mental load with my wife: planning, emotional check-ins, remembering appointments, managing kid stuff, noticing moods, apologizing first.

If a guy isn’t already showing this early on, hoping he’ll “learn it later” is a red flag. Look for men who anticipate needs without being asked, not just when they want sex or to avoid “nagging.”

[InknKink]

The reality is that men don't have a neurological pathway into the female mind and every changing emotional state. Predicting the emotional needs of women is a life long practice for most men, and admittedly, we often come up short.

Although i suspect this is not the answer you're seeking nor the precise question you're asking. But the question on the bases of your proposition automatically assumes male incompetence and female competence.

Your question is basically asking why men suck and women are some empathically superior gender of grater responsibility. It's rude and disrespectful in only the way someone tends to be with a narrow and inexperienced frame of mind.

[Anonymous]

lol what a crock of shit. Maybe you’re not as mentally strong as you think you are. Women tend to think they’re mentally stronger than men but can’t handle things. You say your life is harder, but just maybe it isn’t. Maybe to you it’s harder but just maybe it seems harder because a lot of you break down quicker mentally than men. Most men don’t get into their emotions when it comes to hard things, they just keep going. Mean while women are crying because other women didn’t invite her out to lunch w them or she got rejected.

[Master_Debator]

Facts! I second this opinion right here.

[RavVid]

It is always women that want emotional labor from men. I can't recollect any time a woman spent emotional labor on me.

And anytime I wanted some she end up diverting onto her.