Why do men struggle to meet emotional needs?

Question

Hardon-Collider · Accepted Answer

It's not about ability, it's about the path of development. The modern world encourages a one-sided development of the soul. It values the outward-facing, intellectual path, which is a 'masculine' force that connects you to the external world. It neglects the inward-facing, feeling path, which is a 'feminine' force that connects you to the inner world. So, men often get a big boost in their intellect but are not encouraged to develop their feeling life in the same way, leading to an imbalance where they struggle with the inward path. It's not that they can't; it's that they've been given little reason or guidance to walk it.

Hellraiser1984 · Accepted Answer

Meaning your needs? Or his? All men are flawed in some way. there's no such thing as a perfect guy.

Nikki1989 · Accepted Answer

You can't build an emotional connection with people who are emotionally disconnected from themselves.  So many men have that issue. Due to social conditioning, many men lack the tools to identify and articulate their feelings.

FreyaRed · Accepted Answer

When you have a good hunting dog, don't expect this dog will be a good couch dog. When you have a stoic psychopath as partner don't expect rich emotional transaction with this guy

Zack-Bann · Answer

Mainly men do that but it’s not exclusive to men

And it comes down to what was drilled into a person since a young age

Boys are often praised for the moments they put away their emotions.
Mainly fear:
When a boy wins a ball game, or skates down a staircase, or asks a girl to prom
All these moments he will get high fives, praise from family and friends and so on.

So eventually he begins to see emotions as weakness because he is at his strongest when he pushes down these emotions

That’s why men are usually driven by a concrete worldly purpose and not an abstract search for spiritual happiness

Whenever I say “I haven’t been happy in ages”
What people tell me is
“Who cares, you’re a grade A student, built like a linebacker, you’re good at sports, girls like you, and you work a well paying job for your age”

It’s somehow meant to be enough to flip the switch on happiness and live in eternal bliss

But the truth is: I spend most holidays alone or surrounded by other lonely people.
I don’t really have a true partner willing to help when it gets rough and celebrate when we succeed
Because I’m incapable of true emotional connection. I sacrificed years ago in the search of worldly success as I was told I should.

Anonymous · Answer

Here’s what I’ve learned, and yeah it might be something everyone knows and people might try to knock on me since I’m sharing this and it might be common sense to you guys. But I’ve only been in one relationship which was very… horrible and I ended up having to leave it as I most likely would have shot with the amount of threats he made regarding shooting me and my family.

but other than that. Men’s acclaimed “need” (it’s acclaimed because it’s not an actual need, it’s a want that they classify as a need. But since they want to state “facts” and things based by “biology” it’s actually not :))

they value sex, there “need” is sex, there thoughts? Sex, they only feel “loved” because of sex, they only feel “attractive” because of sex. It’s just sex sex sex to them. Sadly. And some of them won’t even try to help with you emotionally unless you are giving them your body any and every time they want it. They struggle to meet them because if you no give them your body they no give you anything emotionally. They view it as a transaction. And what that tells me is that men only view women as a body to use and a transaction to make.
this isn’t really a question to ask her unfortunately and I’ve realized that as I’ve posted questions not even relating to sex or sex coming up as an answer but it still somehow comes up.
a question I asked was “what are some goals that a woman of my age should have/work towards?” And the guys that answered said that hook ups should be on my list. That a goal I should have is to get a partner and make sure my goal is to have sex with him so that he feels fulfilled. I deleted the question as there was absolutely no need for it, considering the details said relating to work/a house/ and moving forward. It’s really a shame.

Screenwriter · Answer

Men are built differently emotionally. Has to do with what hormones wash over us during development and how and by whom we're raised.

A lot of it is "suck it up, you're a man" attitudes. And those who abide by this ridicule men who might have gentler constitutions. They're called womanish, girly, gay.

A lot of this has waned over the years, but there's still a hefty helping of it around. I've found that my son, who's turning 30, has a lot of close male friends who are sweet-natured, supportive and kind and generous to each other. It's a good sign.

But the world is tougher among men. Loads of competition and non-support, especially in older generations. Younger men have to strike a balance and know what to look out for with the assholes of all ages!

OneViewpoint · Answer

LOL, that's just human nature. Women do the same thing. She's a size 2 for the wedding. 3 years later she's a size 10 and making love to a bowl of ice cream on the couch every night wearing sweatpants and an old t-shirt.

For some people, the chase is thrilling. But the thrill wears off fast. Then ya gotta live with the reality. She gets tired. She gets her period. She gets down. She gets angry. She leaves the cap off the toothpaste, LOL.

Some guys, and girls, struggle coming to grips with long term reality vs the courting phase of a relationship. They are lazy. They get complacent. They get away with not putting in the effort they once did. Ya gotta have standards and boundaries. Ya gotta enforce that. Ya gotta work at keeping the flame going.

RavVid · Answer

meet emotional needs... of women? That is a pretty wide ranging requirement that could range from helping you overcome emotional distress to making you to feel beautiful to fixing your pysch issues and more.

By both nature and nurture, men are just not as emotional as women and we are more cognitive thinkers. Even women we are partnered with don't want us to be emotional thinkers as women are.

If any body is to change, it possibly is that women should have their social licence to be emotional withdrawn. Over indulgence can just lead to more self indulgence.

McLlovin · Answer

This is what annoys me, but some women aren’t like this, and that is selfishness. Why do you all who agree with this question act like women are the only one who have needs? Its always why dont men do this? Why dont men do that? I thought a relationship was a 2 way street.

I can't pour into you my love if im not receiving love. I can sacrifice while im on Empty but thats not a healthy relationship or at least not ideal depending on the situation, because sometimes it is needed. But You want me to give you water but I've been giving and giving And now im empty. Maybe when you see that your partner is struggling that is a que you need to be the peace he needs, but no its always about you. You are the main character and men are just another accessory.

If both sides treated each other like they were more important than themselves then both the man and woman would have less if any problems at all.

genericname85 · Answer

well probably cause women see them primarily as "emotional needs provider" from a perspective of pure egoistic entitlement and don't properly adress their needs so yeah. don't expect from others what you're not willing to do for them. typically women will have a large list of "things they alledgedly are doing for him" which typically aren't things he was even asking for. listen to your man. do what he's asking. then you have a really good chance of being willing to do what you're asking in return. and if you're genuinely doing that and he still doesn't care about you, then why are you with him?

Sal_Monella · Answer

We don't. That's yet another bonkers notion from feminism. Actually Grindingly Stupid. If some poor sot is struggling, he is allowing himself be emotionally blackmailed by a disingenuous female and he should head for the door.

Respect, acceptance and patience are not earned (struggled for). They are mandatory. If a man does not receive these things offered cheerfully, a woman is no value to him and should be shown the door. Better a Harley, Pickup truck or a golden retriever. They are far more satisfying and reliable.

class_reductionist · Answer

we are discouraged from being connected to our own emotions, because we are told that we are burdens by default, and our emotions are a further imposition on a world that suffers our existence

this manifests as "emotions are weakness" because the implication is that being open with our emotions is a liability onto the people around us, when society only values us for performing exploitable labor for others - for us to give and receive nothing in return

we learn emotional compression as a way of dealing with our emotions, but this means we also lose our ability to name and share the specifics, and without receiving emotional support ourselves, we don't have a model of comparison for what emotional support even looks like

for the men who actually care about you, this puts us in a sort of double-bind because we want to be supportive but don't know how, and are afraid that doing it wrong will make things worse

dwreborn · Answer

Most men don't like talking about their emotions maybe it's because we were taught to be tough and not cry and so on for me to open up I've really gotta trust that person once I do iam an open book because if you don't talk about your emotions with your partner it's gonna end eventually

molonski2 · Answer

It's the emotional conditioning that happens to many men growing up , they are taught to be strong and fearless ( utterly ludicrous) , to never shed a tear , to never hug another man ( in past I hope ) , this produces many Robots , and men showing little emotion , only massive physical aggression because this is what their perception of " the answer " is

Men in general have been badly let down by Society , it's completely unreasonable.

aceleon · Answer

some of us do because we lack your emotional need levels.

some of us just give you what you want until there is no need to bother.

no matter what you can't expect a guy to meet your level of emotional needs, both of us are biological machines that works different ways, no one can keep a facade forever.

RHK36 · Answer

It's not a gender thing. If you come across this pattern look inward. The odds you come across every man to be like that is smaller than the odds of you being the problem for attracting emotionally unavailable men. If it's projecting from the last guy you were with most likely he's over you and has moved on. Women do the same thing. Let it go and move forward.

Anonymous · Answer

Not all men (or woman same difference) were raised in balanced families or surrounded by balanced people generally. This is literally where bad influences can mess people up if a person cannot or doesn't want to think for themselves and realize others can have their own opinions and allow it, then further nurture it in people they care about.

dragoblack · Answer

Because one wants to deal with or hear/see our emotional stress & vulnerability. Infact it's a turnoff for most women, because they expect us to be stoic & strong willed, when emotional vulnerability makes us look weak. Most Men can only be emotionally vulnerable with their close guy friends.
I've head many guys say that when they let themselves be vulnerable around his girlfriend, she started to treat him differently and coldly (In some cases even just breaking up with him)

DishLady · Answer

You know… society nags guys into being tough and “manly” in their formative years then nag them to reveal all their feelings as adults in relationships…. ridiculous.

Pohjolan · Answer

Men are not mind readers, less emotional from the get go and are used to their own emotions not mattering on top of that.

They don't know by default how much more emotional women are or whatever emotional "needs" they have.

Its like you are wondering why a stoic minimalist isn't decorating his house more while it doesn't occur to him that someone might consider a lack of such unnecessary stuff a issue.

Anonymous · Answer

"why is an abuser not attentive to my feelings"  Are you serious? Poor children being raised by you. They've great role models.

MJVillarama · Answer

I think a lot of it comes down to how guys are often taught to hide emotions growing up. Opening up takes practice and a safe space. It’s getting better, but still a work in progress!

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

Because men aren't designed to be emotional tampons

mysteriousNicholas · Answer

'cause they users - can't trust most people 😅

WhitneySnow · Answer

Guys are not as good at expressing emotion as girls. (Generally. Some guys are good at it.)

Staximus · Answer

Not all men, but mainly because women can't bring themselves to communicate clearly and effectively

Anonymous · Answer

After reading through your responses in this thread, it seems this if more about you and your needs than his. You should stop trying to make him someone he is not.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Because men and women each express and handle emotions in different ways.

Anonymous · Answer

Well, I'm not sure, all of my loves were unrequited. Girls I like usually don't like me. Girls who like me are usually not my type.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Not sure what you are asking here. Struggle to meet emotional needs. Of what/who? Themselves?

Anonymous · Answer

For the same reason are so irrational and incoherent with thier emotions.

qwerty2469 · Answer

Emotional needs? Can you explain what that is? Im a man.

loveyouoak · Answer

Because men are emotionally immature.

jahaims · Answer

Depends on the individual not gender

Alex-Snow · Answer

Some are insecure or sex deprived perhaps?

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

We're socialized to mask our emotions.

In_Trance · Answer

For the same reason women do

MasterKS · Answer

because they are for sexual needs.

Why do men struggle to meet emotional needs?

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