Like I hear many men firstly resenting their dependence on their mothers, and that this often carries over to the women they date. I know every guy has his own threshold for feeling suffocated and mothered too much, but how do you suggest to your girlfriends and wives to at least try to reach your balance? I mean, I feel relieved to not be helplessly dependent on my mother as well, but for some reason men seem to one-up and be marriage phobic. Why?
Bethany, not all guys are wired in the manner as you articulate. However, show me a man who still highly dependent on his mother and I will show you a man who has been been the center of attention from his mother since birth.
Guys who come from what I would describe as what the old traditional families looked like (mother, father perceived good marraige & the in upper end of the economic curve) are, in my opinion typically the only child or the youngest child. Thier mother has had an unhealthy attachment physiological bond with thier son resulting in the fear they will be replaced and in their mind no one understands thier son and can care for better than they can.
Unfortunately, this type of guy will look for a woman to emulate the treatment (and frankly the unattainable expectations) that his mother has ingrained in him since he was born. You know the type, mother is never wrong regardless of what she does and in fact the worse the offense the more denials and excuses the guy will offer. At times would be extremely irrational or even ridiculous. There are couple of other clear signs, kike:
In my humble opinion, there is good and bad news for these types of guys.
So, listen to that inner voice. Don't attempt to become what his mother was / is to him, you can never measure up in his eyes but especially in his mother's eyes as she sees you are trying to replace her.
Hope this helps, check out the url below for a good list of warning signs:
KIK
I chose my wife over an overbearing codependent mother who resented her. Best decision I ever made!
For me it's better to be wanted then needed. I have proven myself to be incredibly self sufficient and not needing anything outside of the necessities. So the idea of needing someone or someone needing me is not a good idea. Also a person needing someone can open a kettle of fish. Because a need is something you can't do without. When a want is something you can. So it starts my mind down the patch of wondering is this person with me because they need to be with me or are they with me because they want to be and choose to be?
But thoughts like that and the fact that is always full is why I got the nickname Spock.
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Because men get tired of the fact men and women need each other, but so many women are just impossibly unpleasant to deal with.
I think most men WANT marriage, but modern marriage is so stacked against men that it's simply insane to get married today. The state treats marriage like any other business deal, and NO ONE would accept such a bad business deal as men are expected to accept with a modern marriage.
First, radical Feminism taught women to take away all benefits that men used to receive by being married. Women today are largely taught NOT to clean, cook, or take care of children, and lots of women are quite proud of NOT being able to do these things. Keep in mind here that men who want women to do these things are also men who have no problem being the primary if not sole earner, and working 50+ hours a week to sustain their families - the idea of an Al Bundy sitting on the couch ordering his wife to bring him a beer and a sandwich is NOT an accurate representation of marriage.
Second, divorce, which used to be rare and difficult to obtain, was made so easy it was automatic.
Third, divorce is designed to be punitive to the man, REGARDLESS of why the marriage is being broken up.
Fourth, family courts, which decide matters of child custody and child support, are HEAVILY biased against men, to the point that the mother has to be virtually a deadly threat to the children before a man has any hope of getting primary custody, or even 50/50. The laws are set up so that the state makes money if they award child support, so courts are STRONGLY incentivized NOT to award 50/50 custody. That law alone is pure evil.
Fifth, women today file for divorce 80% of the time (and 90% of the time if she has a college degree), and the vast majority of the time, it's not because of abuse or cheating, but rather because she's "not happy." In other words, because her life didn't become a perfect utopia after saying "I do", or because her lifestyle doesn't compare to a Kardashian or to Instagram "influencers" (many of whom are depicting a lie anyway). When a woman isn't happy, her husband is always to blame, because it can never be her own issues. And she's financially incentivized to divorce - she gets the house, the car, the kids, half his pension, and alimony, and he gets a rented room in someone's house. Even then, she can easily withhold visitation, or even move with the kids across the country or out of the country, and he's still on the hook to pay for children that he has no ability to see.
And women have the nerve to say that they were "enslaved" and "trapped" because they got to be housewives. Cleaning a house is NOT a 12-hour-a-day job, even with young kids, and it certainly isn't when those kids are all old enough to be in school. Are men "enslaved" because they are gone from the house 12-14 hours a day to earn the money for the family?
Most men want traditional woman - WIVES (meaning: women who are RAISED to be wives) and to have children. Unfortunately, very few women today are wives, or are interested in traditional families, so men have become disinterested in marriage. Getting married to a "modern" (feminist) women in the current climate is suicidal - and it's no accident that men commit suicide at 5X the rate that women do. Men aren't walking away from marriage and family because they WANT to - they're doing it because they feel they HAVE to, and the evidence backs up that position pretty strongly.
The feminist 'enslaved' and 'trapped' housewife part of the mantra has always been ridiculous to me. I mean, the scenario always has to resemble maintaining something akin to a five bedroom mansion where they're somehow mandated to perform every possible domestic task every day, meanwhile acting as though kids aged from around 5-18 years old are all home-schooled seven hours a day, five days a week when most kids go to public schools.
Then men are saddled with this dreamed-up stereotype which puts every and all single men no matter their age nowhere except in their mothers' basements for the sole purpose of playing video games. Add to that the fairy tale where housework occurs only within the confines of marriage and only performed by women ('cuz, y'know, single men apparently can never live on their own prior to marriage and see housework as some alien ritual.
Any man who's lived alone or even while with his parents has done some form/level of housework.
Exactly. I can keep my house clean and have laundry done in 5-6 hours per week. I get that this might as much as double when you have children, but it's hardly the case that taking care of the house is a 40 hour a week job. Nor are many housewives "trapped" at home with no way to leave - most have cars and have the ability to take on a part time job or start a home based business if they choose - the woman who makes my custom work shirts, hats, and jacket does that.
The problem is that women don't realize what they've lost until they are 35-40 and realize that all they have to look forward to is 25-30 more years of going to work and coming home to an empty house that they still have to clean and maintain...
Most straight men LOVE women and want to be with them, me including. The problem is, most modern women are f*cking toxic to men and do nothing but make their lives infinitely worse. Some men luck out and find women who won't just use them for their resources and dump/divorce them the moment his money runs dry or she gets bored with them. But I've not been so lucky to meet to many women like that.
I'll be the first to admit that I would treat the right woman like a queen (not simp to her, but show her genuine love, respect, and appreciation). But like I said, like 90% of modern women are absolute sh*tstains and I'm well beyond all f*cks left to give. You want to be selfish whores and entitled princesses and then think I'm supposed to value your opinion about me, let alone yourself? I just block girls like this; they're not even worth responding back to.
And I'm not even saying a lot of men out there aren't trash, either. But I see way more good men out there, like 33% of them, than good women who aren't dripping with selfishness, arrogance, and entitlement. I'm not even MGTOW either; I'm just telling the truth. So many women nowadays are just absolutely sh*t, thanks to feminism, social media, OnlyFans and simp culture, and pathetic loser men putting them up on a pedestal and trading away their dignity and self respect for it.
I'd love nothing more for there to be more good, non-selfish, non-whore, non-lazy, non-entitled, non-bitchy women in the world. But seriously, besides a handful on GAG, how many are left out there? Even Korean women are sh*tty and entitled; and unlike Western women, boring AF on top of it.
I'm just done. And so are so many other men. Chads will be Chads and only about pump and dumps. Women have soured the good men like me into stop respecting them due to their sh*tty, selfish, misandrist attitudes. And the simps and soyboys will put up with endless abuse from women, ironically despite no women wanting or respecting them anyway. And after all of this, you think I'm supposed to give a f*ck when some pink anon or level 1 user thinks I'm "a misogynist?" F*ck off.
The 2010s and 2020s are a horrible time for love and dating. And no one is getting screwed in that more than men. This isn't even getting into how many dykes, polyamorous, and trans "women" there are out there, also taking copious sh*ts in the dating pool. And then women wonder in bewilderment why the Red Pill, MGTOW, and con artists like Andrew Tate are exploding in popularity, not that a single one of them will ever take introspection or blame themselves and hooking up, for ANY of it.
I legit would be happier being homo, at this point. At least then, we wouldn't be longing for love and romance from people where 90% of the group are incapable of loving another or being unselfish.
And that's my take on it.
I think this really depends on the man. To be honest men don't need women and women don't need men to survive (geneticly yes their mothers and fathers but I mean as far as romantic and sexual relations go)
People date and marry because they want to and I suppose people do need it to a certain degree.
What you have to understand is that every man and every woman is different. This is why we date to see who we are compatible with and who makes each other happy and what is just nothing personal but not meant to be. For some reason a lot people do not seem to understand this.
What different people want out of a relationship depends and I believe in soulmates so yeah... A lot of people just aren't going to be right. They might have been in your life at one point for a reason or to teach you something or to help you but it is not meant to last forever.
People who are needy need someone whose needy. Someone who isn't needy and wants to be left alone to do their own thing needs someone who is the same way.
Because marriage in the west and increasingly outside the west as well is a game of Russian roulette where the wife has her finger on the trigger and there is no empty chamber in the revolver cylinder. It’s not necessarily all women that men resent, just the ones responsible for undermining and destroying marriage. As it stands it is a contract whereby men agree to forfeit everything they have spent their entire adult life working for, including a reputation, professional networking contacts, potentially their career and trade licenses, physical property, financial property, children, etc. even if the ex wife cheated or just got bored she still gets to destroy the man’s life and take his children away. The state and the biased legal legal system are the source of the resentment, not the gender of their partner. In a state of nature when armed to the teeth government thugs don’t show up to beat or murder men on their ex wife’s behalf, I would bet the level of resentment decreases.
Because most men know there is no perfect woman. If they don't know early on, they eventually figure out that whoever she is, eventually she's going to get bored and go somewhere else.
So while a lot of guys may want marriage he knows it probably won't be permanent. Well why would a guy want to buy into that? He KNOWS he has to act a certain way to eve. Get her attention and win her over. So it's basically not unlike the battle a lot of women have with themselves. Except that the guys follows some form of logic. 🤣🤣🤣
I tell guys from start point go you need to set boundaries from the beginning. And if she doesn't respect them. Keep moving on till you meet a woman that does. But most guys don't want to put that much effort in. And a lot are already working with small enough dating pools as is. They don't want to shrink it anymore than it has to be. Most are not that ok with being alone. They think it's comment on there manhood. That's desperation whether they'll admit to it or not. And that always has disastrous consequences.
I love women's compassionate, caring nature. But I definitely do not want to be babied. I hated it as a kid and I hate it more, now. If my SO wants to smother me, she can do it with her tits, not with too much fussing attention.
I even have to ask my wife to back off at times when she thinks she is being considerate but is starting to annoy me.
I think most men are ok w marriage. But a lot of them see what happened to their brothers, fathers, uncles, friends, etc, realizing that marriage is a bad deal. I feel the same way. I was married once, girl cheated on me then tried to get alimony off me, tried to take half my shit as well as trying to get child support off of me for a child she had before me who was 2. The odds are stacked against women. I always tell men to sign a prenup if you have assets to protect. But no girl really wants to sign that. Her reasoning is why you don’t think we’ll be together forever. I’d say he’ll no lol but you know she doesn’t want to hear that. So you say we’ll if you’re sure we will be together forever you signing it won’t matter cause it’ll never go into effect anyway. So sign it lol But yes marriage is a contract most days. The way a lot of women are these days I’d make sure I have one. Shit the way a lot of men are too I’d have one as a girl if I had assets to protect.
Don't you mean the odds are stacked against men?
Yeah, at one time we may have been okay with marriage, but that time definitely isn't now.
And, yeah, we know nothing says 'I trust you' like a prenup, but that's the point - we don't, and reasons/living examples why aren't in short supply.
That along with paternity tests. The more resistant and/or defiant the woman is to the idea, the more important it becomes to have it done.
@Screamsgutter yes that’s what I meant. I realized that after I posted it
mmmh. Interesting question. My mother is my queen next to my wife. I love my mom. Have I ever resented my dependence on her? No! I appreciated what my mom did and do for me. With that being said, Did she allow me to depend on her for simple things, like taking care of myself and cleaning after myself? Hell no. That was a no-no in her book. She wasn't me, my siblings, my father's slave or maid, and she made that very -very clear. We all respected that. However, these things carry on in Adulthood life without realizing it. Now that I am married, I know to help my wife out in the kitchen, clean after myself, and not treat her like a slave, maid, or roommate, and I made sure to do this in the presence of my two sons, so they know if they happen to get married. This is important because it sticks with them! I always preach that being tender, clam, and loving towards women isn't something wrong or "simping" but marriage is a commitment and teamwork.
I'm not marriage phobic but my late mom once told this girl that she could date her but don't hurt me and that she better be good to me but my mom always treated the girls with kindness and respect I had a good mother and we shared our income together to make ends meet.
m never had this issue...
not only they're the right person.. so I am
so, there's just not tension to be concerned with
Honestly I will be the first to admit that I need my wife.. Not in a codependent way, but in a life sucks without her way. All the little things she does..
Why would anybody logically want any part of their fate in somebody else's hands? Especially when they're probably going to end up leaving you anyway.
And fear towards marriage can never be irrational for a man since marriage is set up to ruin men explicitly.
Because post-nut clarity is real. It's the year 2022 and marriage is already a thing of the past. There is nothing in it for men. Marriage serves only the interests of women. I can't for the live of me understand how some men nowadays say things like "yeah my goal is to get married". Do these guys even realise what they do by sining the papers?
They want the positives of being with a woman, from sex to emotional support. But they cannot or do not want to be there when times get tough, so they cut loose and run. I don't know why they do it, but I wager it is a generational thing.
I dunno, I've always had a fondness for clingy attention hogging women, so I want marriage and I don't need space.
We don't mind feminine energy and gentle touch and care. The part that we don't like is the toxic narcissistic fascism. We don't want that from a mother OR a wife.
Because women are a good thing and to much of a good thing. is bad so us men need to get away for a little bit so it doesn't blow up in our face about everything 3 to 4 weeks
If you find the right one, there is no tension
Not sure. I enjoy the company of women, but even my female friends know everything I do socially is on my terms and in my time, so I never have any need to escape.
We really need to talk about this. This happens way too often.
If I'm in a good space & good groove with lover it's sometimes where we escape to for relief
I am a HYPERMOTARD and i cannot comprehend human emotions ;(
I think it's because Marraige is usually about the Female and they usually control it so us Guys can see it as relinquishing command to our Partner which a lot of Guys are okay with because it beats being Single.
A normal amount of clingyness is okay from either genders. unfortunately some people miss the mark hence dont have any stable partners
Probably do to hormone imbalance
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