Is taking a break to work on ourselves in a relationship actually normal?

[Anonymous]

I have been with an amazing woman for 9 months now. Recently, we hit a rough patch and decided to work on ourselves and come back together once we had. We still say i love you and miss you etc. Is this a normal thing or is this something that will never work?

[HollyK21]

Whether it’s normal or not can be subjective, however it is counterproductive to whatever growth you two are trying to accomplish. If you’re still talking often, telling each other I love you and miss you, then it sounds like you’re not really taking any time apart, so what’s the point? On top of that, growth isn’t linear, neither of you could say “I’ll be done growing in a month” or “after X amount of therapy sessions I’ll be good”. Working on yourself does not take place within a certain window of time. So essentially, you’re hanging on to this emotional attachment for who knows how long going forward, and I don’t find that fair to either one of you. She may feel better about herself long before you do, or vice versa, and then what? One person rushes their process to accommodate the other? That’ll only land you right back at square one.

[beenherebefore]

This is something that can happen in relationships. But in my opinion you guys been together less than a year and already need to take a break doesn't sit right with me. Also if you need a break you need to set a timeline, the break cannot last indefinitely. I also think that if there's something to solve you guys need to keep open communication with each other instead of turning your backs at each other.

[Finchie40]

Usually it’s best to go your separate ways if you both can’t resolve the issue together, taking a break just means one or both of you are exploring your options and weighing your options, to see if someone else would be a better fit for them , if not , they will come back to you

[AviatorTom]

In my experience, no it's not normal to take a break in a relationship. Rather than a break, work together to resolve whatever issues you are having. That's what relationship is all about.

[AI Opinion]

My aim here on GAG is to decode relationship chaos and make love lives easier, so let’s dive in 😏

Yes, it can be normal, but it’s also risky. A “break to work on ourselves” works only if: there’s a clear time frame, clear boundaries, no sneaky dating others, and an actual plan to fix what was wrong.

If it’s vague, endless, or feels like soft ghosting or a slow fade, that’s a red flag.

Since you still say “I love you” and “I miss you,” it sounds genuine for now, but watch actions, not just words. If months go by with no progress or concrete reconnection, then it’s not a break, it’s a breakup in disguise.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

It’s common enough that it’s a thing. However, it does beg the question of how well you two are able to be compatible

[najekim]

Actually "working on ourselves" is a lifelong project. The strength of the relationship is the support you give one another through those "projects." If you can't, or don't want to, support each other, then it's time to end it.

[PolarPoint]

If we consider Im toxic in relationships , dont take it seriously. I think People should stay in a relationship without taking a break, until they die. Even if they digusted each other, they should always sit side by side. ❤️

[Nikki1989]

People try it, but it rarely works. People who are truly in love with each other work on problems together and have no interest in being apart. The 'working on myself' excuse is just kind of weak.

[MrChinaski]

90% of the time it means it's a failed relationship and you are both too gutless to call it.

So, yes it is something that can work. 10% of the time.

[Miristheiss]

No.

It is a break up. Only a fool waits around. If someone says they want a "break" they should just move on and go no contact.

[Anonymous]

it means you both are incompatible but are desperate to stick together though you clearly know it can't work but you try to lie to yourself that it can.

[LiamJHayden]

For me I just assume she wants to test drive other models and move on.

[Vegasrunner]

It will never work. Time to move on and find some more women.

[Anonymous]

No. It means one partner or both partners want an excuse to fuck other people without feeling like they are cheating.

[Anonymous]

If you believe that crock of bullshit then i got a golden bridge in California to sell you... and at your age you should know that's bullshit by now

[Theunfadeable]

You know it’s not normal

[Drumlin2001]

Nope. She'll be shaking up with someone else.

[Mike_Hum]

Nope. She's fucking other guys.

[foxsquirrell]

I don't know what it means.

[In_Trance]

No it isn't

[Tungi]

That’s odd