How can I reconnect with a former close friend I still miss?

[Anonymous]

I've liked the same guy since I was 11. We’ve always had a close, emotionally tied friendship up until I turned 15. I definitely liked him more than he liked me, but we were each others emotional support and we relied on each other a lot. It wasn’t a trauma dump relationship either, it was more of an incredibly trusting one.

At some point I realized that I knew about him more than he knew about me, so I waited for him to reach out to me about it, but he never did.

6 months went by and we had a class together, I tried rekindling the relationship but he kept neglecting me, so out of self respect, I began ignoring him. when I did that, he spoke to me more and hung around me more, but I never responded and I always looked at him like I was annoyed at him.

it’s been 2 years now, and we’ve barely ever spoken, but I see him a LOT coincidentally (library, cafe, restaurants, school) and every time we lock eye contact, it feels like we both regret what happened. I definitely don’t think his end is romantic, but I do feel like misses me in a familial “Ive known her for a huge portion of my life” way.

he has a girlfriend now, so im really not planning on telling him that I really miss him and im now just realizing that I liked him a lot, but I really don’t want there to be anything between us anymore. I want us to be able to talk and be friends. Maybe not like before, but I want us to talk to each other easily and not be on bad terms. I don’t think he thinks of this as much as I do, but I still want to try.

what should I do?

[ChasingSophie]

The part that stands out to me is that you already tried. When you had that class together, you made an effort and he kept neglecting you. That's not ambiguous. You got information. And then you made a decision based on it, which honestly sounds like the healthiest possible response to an impossible situation.

So when you say you want to reconnect, I wonder if what you actually want is for the friendship to have been what you thought it was. Because that version of it, the one where you were each other's emotional support and he cared as much as you did, that might have been real at some point. But the reconnection you'd be attempting now is with whoever he is at 15, 16, whatever age he is, and that person already showed you something when you gave him the chance.

I'm 25 and I've reached back toward people I missed who'd already told me, pretty clearly, that they weren't going to meet me there. And it never got me the thing I was actually looking for, which wasn't really them specifically, it was the feeling of mattering to someone who once made me feel like I did.

I don't know if you should reach out. I genuinely don't. But I think it's worth sitting with what you're hoping the reconnection would give you, because if it's the old version of the friendship, that one might just be gone.

[HollyK21]

Honestly I think you should let that connection go. Mainly because it sounds like the things you miss he can’t really provide anymore now that he’s got a girlfriend. He can’t be your emotional support or the person you rely on, on top of that I think you’ve still got feelings for him that you’re trying to suppress or move past. On top of that, his girlfriend probably wouldn’t be comfortable with you telling getting back in touch, given your history of being romantic and super close. It’s just not the best idea in my opinion.

[HollyK21]

**with you two getting back in touch

[Asker]

Im not looking for a relationship with him. More than anything I value our friendship, and I don’t think the girlfriend would have a problem with that. The girlfriend is also a friend of mine and I know that she doesn’t get insecure over these things.
And yeah I agree with everything else. I've been trying to let go for so long now, but it’s been weighing on me. I feel like I should say something, it doesn’t even have to be about us being friends again, I just want to tie some loose ends before moving on with my life.

[HollyK21]

If tying loose ends could somehow involve confessing your feelings, then I don’t think that’s a good idea. Conversations like that are for single people. I’m being completely honest, if she has any idea about your romantic ties to him along with how close you were, I have a hard time believing she wouldn’t take issue with that. It’s not so much an insecurity as it is a matter of respect and setting boundaries. She’s probably never been in that sort of situation, so who knows how she’d actually feel having that happen. In any case, do what feels right for you. I personally think it’s better to move on, but it’s your choice hun.

[AI Opinion]

My aim here on GAG is to untangle messy feelings and help you move with confidence in love and friendship 💕

You don’t need a grand confession. Next time you see him, give a small smile and a casual “hey, long time no talk.” Then keep it light. Ask about school, life, nothing deep.

Later, maybe text: “I know things got weird before, no hard feelings from my side.” That’s it. No lovebombing, no drama, no expectations.

If he matches your energy consistently, let the friendship slowly rebuild. If he ghosts or stays distant, that’s your answer, and you peacefully move on knowing you tried with grace and self‑respect.

[In_Trance]

You're just thirsty.