Is counselling actually helpful or is it mostly a scam?

[Anonymous]

I honestly feel most of the counsellors I saw were highly insensitive/not very empathetic.

I also noticed there is this tendency to blame the client as opposed to anyone else.

I wondered what was wrong with me. Then someone shared my sentiment they gave an example of how his son was married to a narcisstic woman who pretty much ruined his life and counsellors would say things like 'it's probably something in your childhood.'

Another woman shared this sentiment I don't believe in counselling. They're people who learned about things from definitions never experienced those things in real life to know how it would feel.

Thoughts?

Updates

2 mo

Have most of your counsellors been social workers or psychologists?

Mine have all been social workers and they have been utterly useless. Not sure if it's the designation, the counsellors I saw, or both.

I swear I'd report them if I could they dont deserve to be counsellors

[InknKink]

a lot of people get into becoming therapists because it's honestly fairly easy to do and comes with a decent income. It's also an interesting subject to study in college.

Because of this, yes a lot of therapists are shit at their jobs.

Another issue is that there is a massive amount of rules and regulations surrounding the profession that actually inhibit therapists from truly helping their patients.

There is a governing board that determines whether or not someone can legally practice their trade and as such, one wrong move and a therapist can easily have their entire livelihood taken from them.

One disgruntled complaint can lead to ruin if a therapist operates outside of the professional norms in their consultations.

Because of all of that, it can be hard sometimes to get adequate help.

With all that being said, I've been going to therapists since I was 7 years old and it's been an immense help to me. Even nowadays that I don't necessarily need one I still go and speak with one once a month simply to talk to someone with an impartial view.

The three issues you'll face with therapy is (a) money, (b) the right therapist, and (c) your own reasons for going.

A good therapist is not cheap. Good therapists unless they're young and still building their career (which is a double pronged issue, given their lack of experience) are going to have a wait list while not lack options in who they decide to council. They'll easily run you well over $300 an hour.

With cost in mind, picking the right therapist can be very time consuming and hard on you as a patient. When my last therapist retired, I had to go through 7 other therapists, costing me several thousand dollars and roughly 3 years of repeating the same stories and traumas before finally landing with the right therapist for me.

And then there is your reasons for even going to a therapist. They're not your friends and they're not just a reverberating hall of sound that is there to make you happy and tell you what you want to hear.

Therapy is an uncomfortable experience and requires you to keep an open mind. If you go into a session with exacting expectations, you're going to leave feeling scammed.

Talking about your childhood and past is a given in therapy. Even if you don't see the importance. You cannot expect someone to advise you on current life issues if they don't have a complete understanding of where you're coming from and how you view and interpret the world.

If you're seeking the sort that stays in a given lane and doesn't diverge into surrounding and related issues, that's what friends are for, not therapists.

With all of the above being said, therapy for the right person and for the right reasons, is not a scam despite some of the pitfalls you'll find in the profession. However, therapy for the wrong person and the wrong reasons is a complete waste of time and money.

Ultimately, it's the patient who decides the validity of therapy; soothing balm or snakes oil.

[Asker]

You have to understand that therapy is like a research process for the therapist.

It takes months and months to gt to know someone their childhood etc. etc.

But that is time consuming and costly.

So the shortcut method is to assume.

This is what most of them do - assume

[Levin]

This is actually a complicated question.

Depends on the context. UK or US or somewhere else? I don't know what they do in the US, but I know they don't tend to favour person-centred there.

UK, what model are they using? Person-centred? CBT? It makes a difference.

A counsellor is a specific profession. A social worker is a specific profession. They have different roles. Psychologist is a studier of the mind, that is academic. Then you have the completely medicalised psychiatrist type roles, which again, is not really counselling.

Not all therapy sessions go well. You don't gel with certain people. Other clients I have known to be narcissists and manipulators. Quite dangerous people, actually. In those scenarios it is hard to make an empathetic connection.

Many counsellors have definitely been through it. That doesn't mean they're wholly integrated beings themselves. And they don't really get paid that well, generally.

I have known extensively qualified and experienced counsellors, who I would not go to personally. Generally, in my opinion, it's more about the person's nature that you're working with. Whether they're truly empathetic and non-judgmental. Certain people just have an abrasive nature and lack sensitivity. Many student counsellors are actually better counsellors than those who are well qualified.

There are always people who say counselling doesn't work. This is a complicated picture. But I do think an element of it is the person coming to counselling. Some have an expectation that the counsellor will just fix them. Again, probably because of the medicalised expectation. Well, the ultimate responsibility is with the client for the direction of their life. If you're negative and say things can't change. Then guess what? They won't.

As for whether it works or not?

In my experience.

About 30% real transformational change or integration.

40% Helping to integrate, but they probably wouldn't describe it as life transforming.

30% just drop out or they don't seem to get anything from. But who knows.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Counseling involves helping clients to take accountability. Like 99% of the problems in your life are usually your own fault. If that’s something you personally don’t want to address, then therapy probably isn’t for you. Therapy and counseling carry the goal of helping their clients change their patterns to be closer to the people they want to be, but that responsibility is entirely on the client, not the therapist.

[Asker]

BULLSHIT.

Thank God you're not a therapist.

A lot of the time when we meet shit people it changes the course of our life. And then their issues become our issues.

It reminds me of someone trapped in an abusive marriage (which happens to a substantial portion of the population). It isn't their 'fault' that their husband is abusive but they are so trapped that it takes a lifetime to get out of.

The changing of the patterns in behaviour come AFTER addressing what was first done to someone.

For example after the empathy etc. that the woman receives for the actions of the abusive husband it can be delved into why didn't she say something sooner, what could she have done etc. etc.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Counseling and therapy only work when you yourself want to change. If you just want to say everything about you and your choices are someone else’s fault, ie the men you choose to date— my mom also got defensive when her therapist said she chose them and replied that those poor relationships weren’t her fault but the therapist was ultimately right, then therapy isn’t for you.

[Asker]

Going by your logic a sexual assault survivor is to blame for the sexual assault since '99% of your problems are your fault.'

A lot of the time it's actually the other way around.

Also maybe your mom is right. If someone chooses to date someone and they treat them shittily - how is it that person's fault it's the fault of the person who is choosing to treat the other shittily.

Now if someone is dating a bad guy simply becuase of the allure and keeps doing that that's a different story.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

The way you react to the aftermath is something you control, as fucked up as that might sound to you. Like I said, if accountability isn’t your thing, neither is therapy.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to make love, dating, and emotional messiness less confusing and way less lonely for you 💙

Counselling isn’t a scam, but bad counselling absolutely is a thing. You’ve met the red-flag ones. Blaming the client for everything, robot empathy, generic “tell me about your childhood” vibes – that’s lazy, not therapeutic.

Good therapy feels validating, challenging, and practical. You feel seen, not judged. You leave with clarity, not shame.

You’re not “wrong” for not clicking with them. That’s like blaming yourself because a terrible date was boring. You can walk away without assuming you’re the problem.

[slatyb]

It helped me trememdously when I was divorcing. I had the self-esteem of roadkill. Not every counselor fits every client. I am seeing someone now who never casts blame, she just asks questions or asks me how I could approach a difficult discussion.

[Asker]

How did it help you if I may ask?

I think it's super important for a therapist to have empathy.

So that's really good

[slatyb]

Hmmm... she just asked the right questions -- what had I done with my life... this helped me see the things I had accomplished, the kindness I had shone others, she asked me if it would be terrible if the marriage ended... I realized that it would not be... I became more assertive and my wife soon filed for divorce. Saved my life.

[Anonymous]

They haven't been to me. I've had issues for one reason or another. I already know my problem, and they don't do anything but confirm what I already know. Never once did I ever get good advice on how to fix or improve my situation.

[In_Trance]

Sympathy and empathy are not the point of counselling. You need strategies to fix your fucked up life. If you've come face to face with the fact that you are responsible for your actions and judgements, then I'd say it's working

[Iron_Man]

It’s good to get counseling but if you can talk to your parents for free, why not or brother and sister

[Iron_Man]

Unless you feel you have to take medication then that changes the game

[Asker]

I feel sometimes that counselling targets people who are lonely and who don't have those types of empathetic figures in their daily life.

[Iron_Man]

Well, some psychologist are genuine and some take advantage of the system

[Asker]

I think most of them are not genuine also wasn't talking about psychologists maybe some of them are good as they tend to be a lot more qualified + experienced.

I'm talking about the average therapist/social worker

[Iron_Man]

Well, I wouldn't go to a social worker for counseling. They are a complete waste of time in my opinion. they’ve never done anything.

[Asker]

Thank you!!! See I didn't know that.

Most of my counsellors have been social workers all of them actually.

I'm curious though are psychologists better? If so, how?

[Iron_Man]

Much better much much better 👍

[Asker]

I should look into attaining a psychologist I never thought of that.

But how are they better?

[Iron_Man]

Social workers are kind of like school counselors they don’t do that much. I never talked to them for a counselor, but they’ve never kept up their promises or done anything. They’ve said they’re gonna do. A psychologist is a trained mental therapist

[Asker]

Ohhh. But then why are they allowed to practice at all?

Ugh see like when I would look for therapists I'd see psychotherapist and social worker and just go with social worker (I thought psychotherapists are even less qualified than social workers).

It never occured to me to see a psychologist.

[Iron_Man]

Social workers are to help you with some finances to give advice and they work with you if you have children to get them some care they’re not really mental Doctors. I like the psychologist much better. They’re more trained in the field. They never did anything for me a social worker.

[DryGermanGuy]

Psychiatrists and psychotherapists, not psychologists.

[Iron_Man]

I’m talking about psychologist not psychotherapist or Psychiatrists

[dudeinohio]

Depends on the therapist. Some can be helpful; whereas some can be useless.

[Asker]

Mine were so useless I want a refund

[dudeinohio]

Wow.