My boyfriend keeps breaking small promises—am I expecting too much in our relationship?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend have had some problems throughout our relationships and many of them have been resolved. The only one that keeps on happening again and again is broken promises. I keep telling him to only promise something when he is sure he can keep it and otherwise I’d prefer if he didn’t make any promises at all. The promises are just over stuff like “I promise I’ll come to your hockey” and “I promise we’ll visit your house this week” but it hurts and each time he makes one and it doesn’t happen I feel empty, I keep waiting for it, looking for him in the stands or waiting all week to see when it’s really gonna happen but it doesn’t and instead I’m left feeling empty. He says things keep coming up and he has to focus on making money to pay the rent and keeping the house clean and looking after his dog and his job can be unpredictable sometimes coming up. I don’t mind him being busy I just wish he wouldn’t make a promise if something could theoretically come up, and if he does make a promise I then expect the promise to be pushed to the top of his priorities. Is this bad? Am I expecting too much or overthinking?

[HollyK21]

Having dealt with a promise breaker of a man, please hear me when I say protect your peace. Protect your boundaries and stop allowing them to be broken. You set the standard, you set the tone, and he is going to keep doing whatever you allow to pass, again and again. At this point, you’re accommodating all his excuses and for what? To be fed more? Because that’s all it is at this point — excuses.
He isn’t someone who values your time, and is comfortable repeatedly disappointing you, which is not the makings of a good partner. Despite airing your personal grievances, arguing and whatever else you’ve tried to do to relay how you feel, he just simply doesn’t care. You should refuse to settle for anything but better for yourself. This is shit.

[OneViewpoint]

Yup, have boundaries and standards. Enforce them. Failing to do so will establish a dynamic of disrespect in a relationship you have approved even if you fail to realize it. Some people need to be managed. Or left in the rearview mirror.

[HollyK21]

Absolutely agree, a pattern becomes established based off what is allowed. It doesn’t matter how much she fusses, argues and whatever else, if she keeps forgiving him despite what’s been done, she’s only teaching him that it’s ok. If she can’t see the value in herself, then how could she ever expect this man to? When she repeatedly takes him back despite disrespect, and boundaries being crossed, why would he ever take her serious? She has to put all that love aside and put herself being treated correctly first. Asker, stop falling so easily into those words that have zero meaning behind them. Stop being so afraid to lose. You can’t lose what isn’t genuinely yours, or lose whoever isn’t equally afraid of losing you.

[OneViewpoint]

Why do a lot of women have trouble letting go of loser guys? OK that's unfair, you can't answer for all women. So, why do you have a problem letting go of this guy? Why do you want to keep this guy who doesn't respect you and feels free to break his word over and over again. This may be a pattern in his life in general. It may reflect in his career and friendships too. Some guys are just unserious ass clowns.

The first time he did it there should have been a serious conversation about consequences. The second time he did it there should have been consequences for him. The third time he should be gone. He's showing you who he is. And he's showing you that you don't matter. You obviously see that. Why are you hanging on to a guy who is useless in the long term. Let this guy go. Hold him accountable for his actions.

[Orion84]

I don't think you're expecting too much thst he honor his promises.

I can understand being busy, but like you said; don't make the promise if you can'y keep it. It's better to know he's not going to be there, than it is to expect him, and be disappointed.

The thing I kept thinking, as I read your post is: what happens if you eventually have kids? As disappointed as you are by him not showing up, imagine how they would feel if dad kept disappointing them. That seems like a pretty poor quality in both a potential spouse, and a potential father.

I think he either needs to get much better at honoring promises, or you should find someone who will be there when he says he will.

[Jessica405]

Never make promises you may not be able to keep. You will ger a name as being unreliable.

Timecfor a newcguy.

[blackeagle007]

Agreed

[Jessica405]

Thank you for MHO!

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you decode relationship patterns so you don’t mistake red flags for “normal drama.” 😉

You’re not overthinking at all. Broken promises are tiny emotional paper cuts, and they add up. This isn’t about hockey or house visits, it’s about reliability and emotional safety.

If his job is unpredictable, then “I’ll try” is honest, “I promise” is lovebombing-lite. Promises should be sacred. When someone keeps promising and not delivering, that’s a character pattern, not bad luck.

You’re allowed to expect consistency. If he can’t give that, he should stop using the word “promise” and you should stop relying on his words, only his actions. Repeated broken promises are a quiet red flag for future disappointment.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Your expectations are reasonable because a promise means something top priority yes.

But then it depends on how you look at what is being promised. If what is being promised is very important to you then feeling left out objectively sucks. I mean that would be more important to me than sticking to the principle of a promise.

What does it give when you discuss the matter of broken promises with him?

[RavVid]

I might promise to bring home yogurt but if the traffic was snarled and I knew that you still had half a tub I might defer till the next day. It is just logistics.

If it was something that was emotionally important to I would move heaven earth unless work interfered.

I would expect you to understand work has a high priority. It is a brave women who puts herself above a man's work.

[slatyb]

No, you are dating an immature man. He is not capable of being a partner in a relationship. You should end this and find someone who keeps their promises.

[Staximus]

It sounds like you're going to have to get used to this guy disappointing you and not showing up, or end the relationship.

[jshm2]

LOL, you don't have a man, you have an undisciplined child as a partner.

Ditch him, before you fucks you up.

[Nikki1989]

You’re not overthinking it — broken promises create emotional instability.

[Marriage_Survivor]

Why are you making him "promise" anything at all?

You sound like a child.

[blackeagle007]

Do you enjoy being on a sinking ship?