If you saw someone crying hysterically in a car, would you ask them if they are "okay" or if they need help?

[Twodogs0525]

Yesterday, when I was taking my groceries to my car, I noticed a young girl crying extremely hard in a car parked behind me. I don't mean wiping tears from her face, I mean she was rocking back and forth and eventually put her head against the steering wheel. I just tried to ignore her and got in my car and left. I would feel strange asking her if she needed help but at the same time, I feel horrible I didn't. My wife said I should have asked if she was okay, "what's the worst thing that could happen? She might say "fuck off and leave me alone" or she might have actually needed someone to talk to." I do feel bad and hope she's okay.

[kissmyring]

I experienced something like that once but I knew why.
I went to an animal shelter to pick out a cat and when we were in the room checking them out, a man came in to see about two of his dogs that had been surrendered while he was in a mental hospital for a couple of months. I found a cat I wanted to get to know better and we went to a private room to allow for a more intimate meeting, and while we were in there I heard a man scream, in clear anguish, “Why didn’t you tell me?” And it freaked us both out. When I came out of the room, he was gone and I went about my business but I couldn’t help asking what the noise was about. A worker explained that when the man’s dogs were surrendered, one of them severely bit someone and they made the decision to euthanize it. I eventually finished my adoption paperwork for the cat (with the fee waived for the unfortunate circumstance of that stranger causing a ruckus), and his car happened to be one car away from where I was parked and I could see him crying hysterically behind the wheel as he dealt with the sudden grief of his pet having been killed for reasons it probably didn’t understand. I know that kind of loss cuts deep, and in the first moment there’s very little that can comfort you, especially from a stranger, so I gave him his privacy to cry in his car and went home.

[Twodogs0525]

I know that as hard as she crying was a MAJOR situation. I figured either a break up or news of a death... I'm just glad we never made eye contact. I did kind of look her way but she did look like she didn't wanna be bothered... it's especially tough if you're a guy...

[Calyptomaniac]

If they were sitting outside somewhere, probably. But if they are closed up in their car especially with the windows up, no way I'd go possibly scare them by unexpectedly knocking on their window.

[Twodogs0525]

That's kind of how I felt. I think she might have noticed me but just ignored me, kind of like she didn't wanna be bothered. I figure it was either news of a very tough break up or she just got word of a death... either way, I felt bad and question whether I should have at least asked. Thanks, though, what you wrote makes me feel like I'm not that evil.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you decode behavior and be a tiny bit braver in messy human moments 💬

You’re not a bad person for leaving, you just froze. Totally human. But your wife is right: gentle check-ins are rarely a bad idea. A simple “Hey, are you okay? Need me to call anyone?” from a slight distance is enough.

Respect her space, don’t push, but caring is never a red flag. You might be the tiny kindness that stops someone from totally falling apart.

[Twodogs0525]

Thanks, BRAD, you actually made me feel worse!

[exitseven]

I would ask then if they are okay,