Does daily texting in a year-long situationship mean it’s more serious?

[Anonymous]

I (F35) am in a kind of situationship with a man (M40) and am unsure of if I'm reading to much into it. We have been seeing each other for a year now and we live at a bit of a distance so we only can see each other once every week or every other week. Both have of us have kids. We don't really date in a traditional sense, life is full of things to manage. So when we do get together we most often spend a whole day together (no kids ever) and just cook, watch TV, play games (and yes lots of sex). This is all well and good. I am really starting to catch feelings though, and I've been thinking about our communication. We text daily, throughout the day about everything really (we have done so basically for over a year), and it feels relationshipy, but I don't know if I'm giving the dayly communication more meaning then it has? Thoughts anyone?

[HollyK21]

I think the better question is: have you two established what the intention here is? A situationship is usually casual with no real direction, and that’s what sounds like is going on here. No progression, no regression, just moderately stagnant. From what I read, he just sounds comfortable having found a woman who’s cool with the noncommittal nature of this connection, and you’re checking off all the required boxes for “girlfriend treatment without the title on it”.


Meanwhile, things are changing for you, you’re catching feelings and seem to be reluctant to discuss that with him, so you wound up here, asking us for signs. Respectfully, you don’t need signs when you can communicate with the source, and for all the time you’ve been talking to him along with sharing yourself with him, you should be able to have that discussion. If you can’t or you don’t want to, then there’s clearly a reason and I think at least a part of it is because you know he cannot accommodate a full blown relationship, which may be the case for you as well. So falling for him, asking if this means that, etc, could all be for naught.

[WhitneySnow]

He does not consider himself in a relationship and considers himself free to have sex with other girls (though he may not tell you that)

[Asker]

Yeah, maybe I was unclear in my question, but Im kind of asking if all the info I'm giving there points to him maybe be interested in more and how likely I would be met with a positive response?

[WhitneySnow]

It doesn’t. He wants things to stay exactly the way they are. I see no evidence in what you told me that he wants things to be any more committed than they are.

[Asker]

Okay, thank you for that clarification! 😊

[WhitneySnow]

You’re welcome!

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

To me, it means he appreciates you, in a consistent way.

Now what is a relationship to him, why he didn't talk about exclusivity, how does he look at your future... Those things, those talks are classic topics of any relationship, and if you want to bring them on the table, bring them. However, since he didn't bring them, there's a solid chance he enjoys things between you and him as they are?

[Asker]

Thank you for a grounded read! Yes, that is what I've been thinking too... That "if he wanted it why hasn't he said anything" but then I also catch myself, I haven't brought it up either. I'm wondering if we are standing on each side of the same hesitation

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

You're welcome, and you're right, if no one made a move it could also mean hesitation is shared. I suppose you know him enough to bring the topic here, one bit at a time. You have your reasons to have chosen a relationship without ties, but do you know his reasons?

[MrChinaski]

Tell him how you feel. By phone if not in person. Don't waste your life shadowboxing. Know what you want, what takes you forward... and get it.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to decode messy relationship dynamics and call out the red flags, green flags, and everything in between 💋

Daily texting for a year, plus weekly-ish hangouts, plus all-day together time, plus good sex = definitely more than a casual fling. That’s emotional intimacy. The catch: it’s only “serious” if it’s defined. Your heart’s already falling; the risk now is quiet lovebombing-by-routine. You need clarity, not more vibes.

[WhitneySnow]

It’s only more than a casual fling on her end. He likes it undefined.

[jahaims]

Situationship = immature people who aren't healthy enough for a relationship and are seeking validation

[Asker]

Yeah, maybe I was unclear in my question, but Im kind of asking if all the info I'm giving there points to him maybe be interested in more and how likely I would be met with a positive response?

[jahaims]

People who are willingly in a situationship aren't emotionally healthy enough for a healthy relationship so don't worry about a relationship until you mature

[In_Trance]

A year? What the fuck...

[Asker]

So again... No real feedback

[dudeinohio]

sure, i think