He is unhappy in his current relationship?

[Anonymous]

Recently I met someone at work that seemed like a charming gentleman. He frequently made subtle advances (rubbing up against me, complements that were not just casual, etc). I learned he had a girlfriend so I kept my distance. He constantly told me about how he was unhappy in his relationship. I asked him "If you were not in a relationship, would you consider going out with me" and he said he would. He told me a specific day that he was going to end it with her. However, he failed to do so. It went way beyond flirtation and he knew that I had developed an unbelievable attraction (emotional and physical) to him. I know that people say not to get involved or attracted to people at work but this was in no way planned or predicted. He still complains about his relationship and unhappiness. My friends and family tell me to just let him go because he is a womanizer that preys on women just to stroke his ego. Regardless, he still has me like putty in his hand and despite my best efforts I have not been able to forget how happy I was when he and I talked and he cheered me up when I thought that we still had a chance at something more. I know that I would treat him like a king and make him happier than he could ever imagine. I am almost a decade younger than him and I am willing to accept any faults and idiosyncrasies he may have. He may be a womanizer and may have a short attention span but he hit me deep down in my heart and I live every day thinking about him and wishing I could just have a chance with him. Assuming that he is indeed unhappy in his current relationship, what could I do to show him (without saying it, since that has failed to work and only gives him his cake and allows him to eat it too, keeping his girlfriend and having me salivate all over him), that we really could be happy and get him to drop the dead weight that he is with now and give me a chance?

Updates

+1 y

Yes; unfortunately I have heard of men lying to get what they want, and that is what my family and friends keep telling me. Unfortunately for me, my heart isn't listening to my mind and it is driving me insane. Just an occasional encounter (walking past him, seeing him uniform which is unmistakable or the truck he drives, hearing his name or smelling his cologne) brings me to tears. I am in way over my head. Figuratively, I am in a lake and don't know how to swim.

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+1 y

I write poems (for my own use) about him every day and yearn to hear his voice even though I know he was being a jerk, it doesn't change a thing.

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+1 y

It's like Dolly Parton's song "Here you come again" and Dionne Warwick's "Heartbreaker" rolled into one. Thanks for the advice though

[Beckyboo03]

Well first of all I have been in the situation of caring for someone who had a girlfriend, but I have also been the girlfriend where the boyfriend is telling someone else he is unhappy and being flirtatious with someone else. When I cared for the person who had a girlfriend, things went too far once and I regret it, I felt bad and so it stopped until he finally broke up with the girl. It is not right to be involved with someone with a girlfriend or boyfriend, if it weren't for people like that, then there would be no cheating. You have to think of how you are hurting the other person, what if they find out, do you realize how much this could effect them especially if this man is lying to you, and he is actually going home to his girl and telling her he loves her. That's what my boyfriend did, and when I found out what he was doing I was crushed and it ruined my self esteem and confidence if every way. I understand that people need to think of themselves and go for what they want, but this man was never yours to begin with, he has placed his heart with someone else and for that you can not think of yourself and you need to fight off whatever you can. If he truly means what he says...he will end things with her and be with you, plain and simple. You need to tell him that if he does not end things like he said then you can no longer be apart of his life other than in a work matter, it's not healthy for you or they other women. I feel for you and the other women...I hope I helped

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he is playing u. Very well I might add. Stay away from him at all costs. At your age you should know better. He is not only a player but a jerk. Nothing good will come out of This. Mark my word! Ever heard of guys lying to get what they want?

[HenriH]

wow, sounds like you have it pretty bad. my first advise, which you are way beyond right now, is don't get involved with a man if he is not man enough to end his relationship FIRST before starting a new one! if he is that unsure (insecure) you don't want him either. I don't care whether you have met him at work or not, some of the best relationships have their roots at work BUT in this case, HE is not available! and he won't be really because this way he gets both (girls/women) And, the way things are going...it seems like at some point you will give in...hoping that he will change and he will choose for you. IF, after some time you end up with him after he has dumped hit dead weight, you and him will have the same relationship issues only with different people. you see, this is not about him and how he captured your heart. You think he can give you something that you are currently unwilling (unable) to give to yourself and so you seek it elsewhere, even if that means "being" attracted to this unavailable (older) guy. Go inside yourself and ask what is missing in your life and what apparently he is fulfilling! I do say apparently! because it will never be fulfilled from externals! my advise to you, be loving to yourself and stop with this guy!