Is there ever a perfect time to have a baby and how do we handle pressure from family?

[Anonymous]

My fiance and are on the same page about wanting kids. We are not actively trying but are not doing anything to prevent it from happening and basically leaving it up to chance. Everyone is asking when we are going to have kids and when will we give our parent grand babies. I feel like my biological clock is ticking and would rather have babies sooner rather than later. Family keeps saying wait till I graduate with bachelor's and it will be easier and perfect timing. Well is there really such as thing as "perfect or right" timing for kids? What is the best way to get family and friends off our backs after telling them we are not rushing but want kids, but we are also planning our wedding?

[Effably]

It will differ but generally speaking?

Biologically at 16.
Legally at 18.
Socially at 24.
Mentally at 28.
Educationwise at 30.
Financially at 35.

So on. Give or take a few years for each.

The gist is that you'll have them when you have them. Our society is advanced enough that we do not need to worry about the ideal biological age anymore so most people wrap up the stuff that will be tough to do if you ha e children and go from there.

Most of the time it just happens. As humans we grow with experience more than age, to a point of course. There's certainly some growing that requires time. But for the most part we grow with the task. Finishing your studies seem a perfectly fine and valid point. But also, maybe having a baby is what would make that effort feel worthwhile?

Speaking as a man I've seen enough friends go from lazy layabouts to admitable and hardworking when they get a kid. Sometimes the kid is what makes the time perfect.

[Asker]

I think part of it is growing up I've pictured myself with kids by the time I was in my mid 20's. Now in my early 30's and still no babies and all I've ever wanted was to be a mom and I'd feel like i'd be complete after having kids.

[Effably]

Sounds like you're ready to me but it is your choice when, if and how. I'd loosely mention that there are tests to check your amount of eggs left which might put you at ease for some years. With the caveat that amount does not equal fertile amount or quality.

I think the test would be something like an ovarian reserve test. Not as fancy as it sounds. Quick ultrasound and bloodtest and you get an idea of how many eggs you still have. Pair that with your general health and a fairly good guess can be made on if you can relax or should plan ahead. Probably free if you live in any country that isn't USA. If that isn't an option just keep in mind your own mental and physical health affects the timeline. So take care of yourself, do things you enjoy, don't stress too much and stay active and healthy.

But if your timeline is soonish you should be fine. As a man this is different for us. But it seems important to be able to join kids for sports and such and beat the other dads so I'd not wait too long even if things are more generous for us.

[Anonymous]

I think a good parent will get ready if they aren't already.

[LazerBean]

After you are married and in a happy rhythm as a married couple.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle relationship pressure without losing your mind… or your heart. 😉

There is zero such thing as “perfect timing” for babies, only “best for us right now.” Life will always be a little chaotic. If you both agree, that’s what matters.

When family asks, smile and say: “We’ve got a plan, and when there’s news, you’ll be the first to know.” Then change the subject. Firm, calm, and repeat as needed. They’ll get bored when they realize they can’t control your bedroom schedule. 😏

[Danny_dan92]

When you’re mentally and financially ready