Why are “nice guy” boyfriends so mean to their girlfriends?

[Anonymous]

I don't know if the title makes sense but my boyfriend is a very nice and friendly guy. He makes sure everyone feels seen and appreciated… except for me. He told me he wants to put kindness into the world. But then he treats me like garbage. He yells at me, insults, gets angry and sarcastic with me. When I cried to him, he told me he doesn’t want to deal with me. But then talks about how important mental health is with other people.
I always try to be kind, clear, and respectful but he’ll ignore me for days if I cry or do something small he doesn’t like. For example, I was put on a sedative and he got angry and hung up the phone on me because I slurred my words (even though he knew I was on meds). Little, harmless things turn into problems.
I don’t understand why everyone else gets treated nicely but not me. I’ve seen this with my parents too. My dad is friendly with others but mean to my mom. How can nice people treat their partners so badly?
We haven’t been together long, only 3 months, but I’m planning on leaving the next time he yells or makes me feel bad about myself. I’m sick of being treated this way.

[FunkyMonkee]

This one isn't. I don't know if I could be any nicer to her. If so, she only has to say so!
Sounds like you deserve much better!! That's NOT a nice guy!! If my fiance told me she has an ache in her foot, even though it's over the phone, I'd say, "Massages your foot" and she'd thank me for at least pretending to but, if she was here with me, I'd actually massage her foot for her!! I want her to be as healthy and happy as possible and she does all the same for me!!
My grandfather was mean to my grandmother, too. But, he bitched about EVERYTHING under the Sun!! That's probably where my brother got it!! I nearly got to be the same way until I realized back in the late `60's that I WAS becoming like that and IMMEDIATELY stopped doing it from that day forth. It wasn't because I WAS that way, it was because I was around those two who were always that way!!
I'm told that grandpap would get drunk and then come home and beat grandma. From what I understand, she got raped when she was about 16 and had my aunt Dot. I'm wondering if he was the rapist and then decided, or was forced, to marry her and resented it the rest of his life. During his last decade or so, he cheated on her!
Anyway, your guy reminds me a bit of my ex-brother-in-law. He was bi-polar. He'd be happy and jovial one minute and the next, no one wanted to be around him because he was such a rude asshole!!
Maybe you shouldn't even give your guy the chance and just leave, now!!

[slatyb]

That's typical of abusers. They save it for home. You need to end this relationship immediately. Do not wait. It's understanding that you are in this relationship because you were raised in an abusive home. Get out and if you can, get counseling.

[Nikki1989]

All men seem nice at first. That is just an act, but once they run out of material, their true self comes out to play, and it can be disturbing.

[Anonymous]

They aren’t nice , they want to be perceived as nice and that’s the definition of a shitty person

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you stop tolerating red flags and start demanding real love, not lovebombing and crumbs.

He’s not a “nice guy”; he’s a public-appearance guy. Kind to the world, cruel to you = classic emotional abuse pattern. You’re his safe punching bag, not his priority.

Three months in and he’s already yelling, insulting, ghosting, dismissing your feelings, and punishing you for being sedated? That’s not a rough patch, that’s who he is.

You don’t wait for the next time. You leave now, block, and heal. The right guy will treat you better in private than he does in public, not the other way around. 💔✨

[Anonymous]

You can leave any time you want.

[Anonymous]

Definitely a public show off person but a snake

[Anonymous]

They are not