Nice Guys are guys who lack CONFIDENCE, and think they can make up for it by being extra nice, and doing lots of favors for women. Of course, women are happy to use those guys for attention and favors (WHICH IS WRONG!), but they still never consider such guys as potential romantic or sexual partners. And after the Nice Guy is passed over in favor of a confident guy (even if he's a jerk), the Nice Guy gets frustrated and angry.
That's especially true the fifth time the girl complains to him that her boyfriend/ex "never did nice things for me" or "never put me first" and "why can't I ever find a good guy?" Saying this to her "friend", who is always going out of his way to do things for her is a huge slap in the face. And while I agree that it's the Nice Guy's fault for using that approach, it's also pretty shitty that so many women take advantage of those guys.
I also tell guys: if your car's engine is out of oil, can you just substitute gasoline, or transmission fluid, or antifreeze? No! You will destroy the engine that way. And much the same way, you can't substitute niceness for confidence - you'll just destroy the relationship.
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I think there is a difference between being a nice guy and a kind guy. Nice guys are nice with an ulterior motive in mind. They are nice even if they lose self respect. But kind guys are kind normally and stand up for themselves if someone disrespects them.
But nicw guys can be rude if they don't get he motive fulfilled. Just my opinion.
Because their niceness is not genuine and they're only doing it with the expectation of getting a woman's attention in return. If a woman does not reciprocate their advances, their true colors show very fast.
They're too desperate and very bitter about being rejected.
There's usually a reason those types of guys can't find anyone, and it's usually their attitude problem.
It should be noted as well that there's a HUGE difference between a genuinely nice guy and a "nice guy", the latter of which I'm referring to.
I know! I met a man with whom I didnât feel immediate chemistry but because he seemed nice and down to earth, I decided to date him and see. After several dates we had sex. Then he ghosted next. SOB! He was way older than me and not attractive but he was smart and nice, so I gave him a chance and the f*cker turned out to be an a**hole! He also hurt me during sex because he was selfish. I had not had sex in over a year. He never even called to see how I was. I swear, never again. Can I get a girlfriend instead?
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Need more context please.
As a ânice guyâ what made me angry in the past is not necessarily the romantic rejection. Yeah it was heartbreaking to not get a relationship, intimacy and sex. That sucks. Really sucks
But I learned years ago that attraction is not a choice. Just because someone is nice to you doesnât mean their entitled to get in your pants. I GET AND ACCEPT THAT. I want to be 100% clear on that ladies.
What pissed me off the most is the disrespect. The usually comes in the form of the unannounced (or long delayed) friend zone. The girl doesnât have the respect to say sheâs not interested. Instead she plays dumb to my interest and really thinks Iâm âokayââ with being platonic friends since Iâm nice. Then she acts âsurprisedâ when I make a direct move or do something. Bullshit. This is after taking her out on a date, complimenting her, doing a favor or two, etc.
Now I learned my lesson on this years ago. Iâve also been in reverse roles so I have a better idea how it feels. It doesnât feel good to reject someone. But you have to ask yourself are you being tight lipped just because you like the positive attention? Are you not saying anything because you are just chickenshit about they will react? Are you naively hoping they actually are okay with being just friends? If itâs any of those reasons you are being a selfish pos. You donât respect them.
The best way is to be tactfully honest. Start out with âHey Jack (or Jill) I want to be honest with you BECAUSE I RESPECT you...â. Use the word ârespectâ before you drop the bomb. Itâs ripping the band aide off. It hurts. But it will heal quicker with no infection. The rejected person wonât thank you but you will be thankful down the road. Because respect is only what matters at the end of the day.Lol. I think the real problem is the social system we have in place... cheaters, lyers, all around horrible people. Both men and women. Yes guys have ânice guysâ that night hunk their owes something because their nice... personally I think they are. Women date trash cause their attracted to them and then cry about being pump and dumped. If women were less selective less men would feel so trashy about being unable to land a woman. If men werenât so trashy they could hold women easier... if women werenât so competitive with men then they could get better men... if men werenât so insecure they could handle a woman being more competitive...
All this crying about why this why that... whatâs the meaning of life? Who fucking cares? time to quit crying like children and just worry about improving what you bring to the table.
Both men and women should be in a constant state of self improvement. Eventually they will either find someone or die alone. Thatâs the way this works.
I think Iâm an ok man. Work hard. Respect most people. Good with animals and kids. Intelligent and not weak in will or body. Got a vehicle. Got a plan. Whereâs my woman? Why do my women always cheat? Who knows who really cares? Iâll continue improving and lose anything that takes away from my value as a person. This is just how things are.There are different "strains" nice guys. Some are opportunists like him, sucking up to you to get what they want from you. He is Type One.
And if you don't put out, thy will turn on you because their displayed feelings were deceitful. But then you run into guys like him (depicting Clark Kent) who truly are nice guys. He is Type 2.
They (we) are tempered by our politeness and civility and initially come across and as being weak and easily manipulated. But when efforts at control start, we will display intransigence which does not fit the nature (weakness) perceived from our civility and it is interpreted as being mean or rude because she is not getting her way.
The Type 1 nice guy is immediately effusive, almost too good to be true (because he is). The Type 2 will appear polite and considerate and also perhaps a little muted, but will respond positively to engaging behavior just as Type 1 will, but more moderately and will not change his nature to be more appealing. You have like and accept him as he is.Alright, so your saying that no guy is actually nice correct? well give me one reason why I should even think girls are actually nice then but in the case, you aren't saying that there are some guys who are actually nice but I mean just because a guy says something rude he could be saying it in defense right? I mean I would consider myself a nice person I don't even talk to girls really so how could I be trying to impress them if I don't even like them right now I am not even looking for a relationship or anything but if you insist on your statement that guys fake niceness then is everyone actually faking it even girls my point is we are both human and I know you girls think bad things about us or calling us bad things so stop being a hypocrite like I am nice to people and I am not attractive but I am smart and stuff but every girl wants the hottest guy ever even though I could say the same thing about us guys but there are some people who don't want you for looks and even if a guy did some messed up stuff to you doesn't mean every guy is that way. also, this wasn't directed towards the question itself but to these idiots who are being hypocrites. I am being rude because these girls are really frustrating to me.
Because women raise sons who they think will be attractive latter in life, not when they are young.
The truth is many of these "Nice Guys" are actually good people despite the variety of memes and anecdotal evidence. They are our friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. Unfortunately they aren't taught that women don't know what they want, and like a cat, will walk away even if they have all their needs met.
Speaking from experience the closest I ever was to being a "Nice Guy" in the bad way, was when I was in "love". I cared about a girl so much that I was basically bending over backward to get her to accept me but in the end, even though she was happy with all the emotional support and what not, it didn't matter and I was angry because of it. I now realize that she was using me and I'm able to move past it, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten it.
I think a lot of women don't understand what constant rejection feels like, especially when you can't do anything to change it. Women can cake on makeup and find 3 dates in 24 hours if they wanted to but the loneliness guys feel is something else. And then as the old saying goes "Pain turns to anger and anger into hate".
Women aren't at fault for creating jerks, but they certainly aren't without responsibility. When we use people and abandon them then we effectively create monsters who are paranoid and afraid of further abandonment.Short answer: They aren't nice to begin with.
Longer (and probably less popular answer): People are much more complex than to fit neatly into "nice" and "mean." A person can be kind in some respects and not in others.
I believe it's entirely possible that someone can handle rejection like a complete asshole... and still do things like donate generously to charity, be loving with their friends and family, be kind to strangers, etc. Simply because a person handles rejection like an asshole doesn't automatically make them Hitler.
That being said, it's been my experience that people who handle rejection like assholes often are assholes in other aspects of their lives. Most people who proclaim themselves "nice," be they men or women, usually don't impress me much with their kindness.
So I believe the short answer is most often true, but the longer answer can be true, too.There are a lot of guys that are genuinely nice, but because they are nice to everybody they get noticed less often than the guys being nice to only one girl with the ulterior motive of getting laid. If a guy is extremely interested in you and overly nice to you before he even got time to get to know you, chances are he isn't interestes in your personality but just your body.
Also many guys that are actually nice get demotivated from hearing that women want nice men and then seeing them fall for these sometimes pretty obvious pretenders.
If you want to know if a guy is actually nice or just has ulterior motives do stuff together with him and your friends (especially your male friends) or visit your parents with him. Many guys that are just looking for sex will try to talk their way out of that, while guys that want a serious relationship would be happy you are confident about showing them more of your life.
Also on a side note: is there a guy amongst your group of friends that gets along with everbody and everybody is wondering how he doesn't have a girlfriend? Or do you have a guy friend you are telling "I want a boyfriend as nice as you, just not you"? Try approaching them, maybe they are what you are looking for and are just not good at flirting.Every time I think a guy is a nice guy it turns out itâs just an act. The last guy would come by my work to see me. I thought he was just shy because he would stare and it took him a while to talk to me. He wanted to know about my life and told me about his. So I got his number and sent a message no reply. Waited and called it. He said he didnât know who I was than said that he could barely hear me. He was so different and mean. So I sent him a flirty message but didnât tell him who I was. He replied immediately than figured out it was me and told me he was married. I asked why he didnât tell me sooner. His response was that he figured that I would figure it out when he blocked my number.
Because nice guys aren't nice. They're just guys who think they deserve sex and affection just because they pay for a drink, hold the door, give flowers, etc. to women. Some nice guys even try to force themselves on to women or become violent if they don't get what they think they deserve as a "reward" for their niceness. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being genuinely nice, but it's only bad if you're being nice to earn something from a specific someone. Being a gentleman or lady is always fine though.
Because they're not nice. There's a difference between being nice and behaving nice to obtain something.
Being nice is a state that a person has with (almost) everyone (almost) every time (bad days happen to everyone, and we all have people that we never want to deal with). It's a willingness to be nice with people that did nothing wrong to you without needing or expecting something in return.
Being nice only with some (selectively) and / or only sometimes does not make a person nice.
Given the way you phrased this, you didn't really meet nice people. In fact, I find it quite normal given the world we live in... From my experience, nice people are sort like an endangered species, mostly because when you're nice with others they see it as being naive and take advantage of you. A sane person can only get burned so many times before deciding to do something about it.I don't think they are mean and rude... But I did say another guy say unrealistic expectations which that can play a part. But I think it's fair to lay out kind of where you are at too.. Simply because there is expectations and then there are different people too. One person can drag you into sex on the first date while another could wait a whole year before deciding to do it. For both people I feel like it's fair to air out in someway the speed they are going to go. It's much easier to know where someone is rather than say well how much do I need to do until they are ready when it's simply time based vs doing things...
But to be fair, if "nice guys" are doing that then they are not "nice" in the first place... But again it is fair to have a time to communicate expectations so people know what to expect, hopefully that makes sense...In my experience it's because they are weak (not physically just in general) and frustrated. They have desires in life and they don't actively try to get them fulfilled Which leads to frustration. They get more frustrated when they do try and fail then they snap. I've been this guy and it's terrible when you are nothing but kind to people and they don't want you (is what I used to believe) what I know now is if I don't do somethings for me I get bitter about what I do for others so I do somethings for me and I'm happier for it.
Simple, because those guys you are referring to aren't the "nice guys" we are so used to talking about.
There's this misconceptions, that "nice guys" are unattractive guys that are nice, but turn rude once rejected.
NOOO, these aren't nice guys, these are just assholes pretending to be nice to you because they want something from you.
Actually nice guys are the guys who are kind to everyone and treat you in a friendly manner, that's why they often get friendzoned. It doesn't mean that guys who are kind are bad. Nice guys are just the guys in which their only personality trait is being nice. There's nothing else interesting about them.Define "rude." Got a sample quote from experience?
I can be just fine with being friendly, and have no ulterior motive. But if she accuses me, lashes out, or instigates rumors or tries to ruin my life? Then I make sure to warn others of what a cunt she is, so she can't hurt anyone else.
It's one thing to not want me. Fine. But to send someone else after me for an "advance" that never happened, because you just can't bear to say you're not interested in anything romantic, calmly, like a rational human being? Weak.They grew up hearing âmen are jerksâ. If youâre told most guys are jerks and youâre kind of sweet and caring you think âgirls would be much happier with meâ. However girls keep dating guys some of whom obviously are jerks and moaning about it while ignoring guys who are nice.
now Iâm aware girls want more than âniceâ and nice probably isnât even the top thing. But itâs pretty obvious how guys can get the impression that being nice/respectful is something women really want and struggle to find.
this isnât the point where they become jerks though. The problem is being nice isnât working. So they -try harder- They figure they must need to be nicer. And now they shift from being genuinely nice to over the top sucking up hoping finally it will be enough. And that still doesnât work and then they feel bitter and ripped offBecause they think of their "niceness" as a measure of currency - they think that just because they're "nice" (in actually doing the bare minimum, and having little else to offer outside of that) they deserve sex. Not a relationship, not a genuine connection. Just sex.
They're "Nice Guys"(tm), not guys who happen to be nice as well as being good men.Well first of all, I believe that there's a difference between being nice and being polite. Polite is doing what you feel society wants you to do in a certain situation. True niceness is doing good things for other people because you truly want to. There is no reward expected for true niceness. Guys like the person in that picture are doing their good behaviors for the wrong reasons, so to me, that doesn't count as being nice.
It's a 50/50 thing. 50% are pissed that they did what women told them to do and it didn't work and they're realizing a hard truth that women aren't honest about what they want. The other 50% are genuinely kind, not nice but kind, dudes that feet suck and tired of having people assume that they're being nice for any reason other than that being the person they are and want to be. The main difference is that one of these groups is being kind of manipulative and being denied what they want; the other is being grouped as part of the first mentioned group. Nobody likes being bullshited so why would you expect someone you have led on to be anything but pissed?
Because you are dealing with a man's representative and not the true man. But as soon as you reject the representative then the real colours come out.
Those nice guys are only a role to play to get you to have sex with them and then they dump youBecause they get frustrated. If you ask a girl nice on a date and are polite they wiÄșl be rude to you or just turn you down. However if you tell them bitches ain't shit but hos and tricks and grab their ass and tell them to netflix and chill they are far more likely to say yes. So nice guys think treating women nicely works but it doesn't so they get frustrated and then mean.
When i was younger i tried being nice sometimes and it never worked. Now everyone calls me a huge dick asshole and tons of girls are chasing me.
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