Nice Guys are guys who lack CONFIDENCE, and think they can make up for it by being extra nice, and doing lots of favors for women. Of course, women are happy to use those guys for attention and favors (WHICH IS WRONG!), but they still never consider such guys as potential romantic or sexual partners. And after the Nice Guy is passed over in favor of a confident guy (even if he's a jerk), the Nice Guy gets frustrated and angry.
That's especially true the fifth time the girl complains to him that her boyfriend/ex "never did nice things for me" or "never put me first" and "why can't I ever find a good guy?" Saying this to her "friend", who is always going out of his way to do things for her is a huge slap in the face. And while I agree that it's the Nice Guy's fault for using that approach, it's also pretty shitty that so many women take advantage of those guys.
I also tell guys: if your car's engine is out of oil, can you just substitute gasoline, or transmission fluid, or antifreeze? No! You will destroy the engine that way. And much the same way, you can't substitute niceness for confidence - you'll just destroy the relationship.
So what? I am an assholes to assholes and kind to kind people. That is how lifes works. I have no mercy for these incels. If someone tries to hurt me, i hurt her/him 10 times worser. I am not weak and let people hurt me.
They aproach in the first place and show their faces very quickly as soon as i dont agree with them at some point. One of them even threated me with suicide
@hi_it_is_me123 how do you know if they are real or fake?
A genuine nice guy might be just being himself. Heâs nice to you but heâs also nice to everybody unless someone gives him reason not to be. But do you automatically assume heâs got an ulterior agenda? Yeah heâs being nice to you and he knows he isnât entitled to sex. But assuming itâs justified to disrespect him because of a selfish assumption says something about you not him
@hi_it_is_me123 I donât do that to women. But I have gotten mean when I felt like was being disrespected. Disagreeing with someone doesnât always mean you disrespect them.
I left an anon post below about my thoughts on respect. Curious what you think of it (trying to be fair).
I am guilty of waiting a while to call women out. Reason being Iâve been accused of being âparanoidâ in the past. Blurting our an accusation that isnât true.
This makes me look like a patsy at times in the past. I fucking hate that but Iâm really thinking hard about how sheâs behaving. Is she just shit testing me to see if Iâll lose it or does she not respect me period?
If is the latter I will cut her off and never look back. Iâve done that to at least a half dozen women in the last few years. During lockdown I got real with two women. Felt good to cut them out. They just wanted me as an orbiter.
@hi_it_is_me123 giving them *any* form of attention (even if you're just "beating them at their own game") will ultimately come back to bite you. The best you can do is just refuse any favours from any guy who's shown his "niceness" to be a phony act. In his mind, the fact you're letting him schmooze up to you is a kind of "permission" for him to later on expect something from you. And then when you inevitably refuse once push comes to shove, then you're gonna have to deal with those suicide threats and other dark shit. If you wanna teach them a lesson, the best way to go about that is to have absolutely nothing to do with them. Just block contact and move on to guys you actually want to be around.
God save us from alfa-a-holes like MrOracle. Nice guys are shy and often - because morons like you shout louder - introverted. I'd see your confidence in the ring mate - whenever you are ready (oh, wait, you'll die and you're bitter about the nice fellas being attractive)
I think there is a difference between being a nice guy and a kind guy. Nice guys are nice with an ulterior motive in mind. They are nice even if they lose self respect. But kind guys are kind normally and stand up for themselves if someone disrespects them. But nicw guys can be rude if they don't get he motive fulfilled. Just my opinion.
Because their niceness is not genuine and they're only doing it with the expectation of getting a woman's attention in return. If a woman does not reciprocate their advances, their true colors show very fast.
They're too desperate and very bitter about being rejected.
There's usually a reason those types of guys can't find anyone, and it's usually their attitude problem.
It should be noted as well that there's a HUGE difference between a genuinely nice guy and a "nice guy", the latter of which I'm referring to.
So whenever a woman calls me âniceâ that means itâs game over? I actually know it isnât but 90% is the equivalent of âyour friendzoned!â and the other 10% of the time means she wants to have sex ASAP.
@bluetoblack99 What I mean by "nice guys" in quotations the ones who call themselves nice, but really aren't, and are exactly what I'm talking about; fake nice in order to get in a girl's pants.
I honestly can't tell you what to think if a girl calls you nice other than to take it at face value. It's too vague to have any deeper meaning unless you ask the girl.
I never call myself a nice guy publicly. Itâs too negative of a connotation. I call myself a gentlemen I cringe when other men or women call me that.
I totally get the whole âfakeâ nice guy thing. I was once that guy when I was much younger. I regret it.
But letâs be honest. Genuine nice guys get screwed over as well. Itâs not an issue of being entitled to sex but respect. Nobody is teaching young boys to fight back at girls that disrespect them.
*or more accurately âteach young boys to CALL OUT girls who disrespect them.â That doesnât mean losing your temper or getting violent. But it means calling out her disrespect. Just because she has a vagina it doesnât give her a free pass to do that bs.
I do that now. But I had an upbringing that lead me to a major disadvantage.
The worst is when I like a girl, she knows it and then complains/asks about other guys as a shitty way of âputting me in my placeâ.
Unless he blatantly disrespected you donât do that girls. Donât ever f*cking do that. Extremely insulting. I donât think Iâve ever done that to a girl in my life when the roles were reversed. And yes Iâve been in positions before were I liked the girl but wasnât interested. I speak up out of respect though. Not play dumb.
thanks for hearing me out. My advice is to be cognizant about how you turn down guys. Totally fine to say you are not interested. But do it in a way how you would want someone to treat you. Also tell your girlfriends to always start with respect. If the guy is a dbag about it then itâs fine to be nasty. But tactful honesty is respect. Unannounced friendzone is the exact opposite of that (yes it DOES exist). Anyway best of luck.
I know! I met a man with whom I didnât feel immediate chemistry but because he seemed nice and down to earth, I decided to date him and see. After several dates we had sex. Then he ghosted next. SOB! He was way older than me and not attractive but he was smart and nice, so I gave him a chance and the f*cker turned out to be an a**hole! He also hurt me during sex because he was selfish. I had not had sex in over a year. He never even called to see how I was. I swear, never again. Can I get a girlfriend instead?
As a ânice guyâ what made me angry in the past is not necessarily the romantic rejection. Yeah it was heartbreaking to not get a relationship, intimacy and sex. That sucks. Really sucks
But I learned years ago that attraction is not a choice. Just because someone is nice to you doesnât mean their entitled to get in your pants. I GET AND ACCEPT THAT. I want to be 100% clear on that ladies.
What pissed me off the most is the disrespect. The usually comes in the form of the unannounced (or long delayed) friend zone. The girl doesnât have the respect to say sheâs not interested. Instead she plays dumb to my interest and really thinks Iâm âokayââ with being platonic friends since Iâm nice. Then she acts âsurprisedâ when I make a direct move or do something. Bullshit. This is after taking her out on a date, complimenting her, doing a favor or two, etc.
Now I learned my lesson on this years ago. Iâve also been in reverse roles so I have a better idea how it feels. It doesnât feel good to reject someone. But you have to ask yourself are you being tight lipped just because you like the positive attention? Are you not saying anything because you are just chickenshit about they will react? Are you naively hoping they actually are okay with being just friends? If itâs any of those reasons you are being a selfish pos. You donât respect them.
The best way is to be tactfully honest. Start out with âHey Jack (or Jill) I want to be honest with you BECAUSE I RESPECT you...â. Use the word ârespectâ before you drop the bomb. Itâs ripping the band aide off. It hurts. But it will heal quicker with no infection. The rejected person wonât thank you but you will be thankful down the road. Because respect is only what matters at the end of the day.
@chapawapa I really want your feedback on what I said above. Most people jump to quick conclusions on all this ânice guyâ bs but please read my angle on this.
I do not you have a fair and honest assessment of this problem. I get you recently had a bad experience with a manipulative guy (thatâs not a nice guy). Thatâs not right. But I reallyBut you are not open minded to the possibility that women do
I just wish you gave more details on what happened. I also believe that GENUINE nice guys still get screwed over. I can give you a few examples if you have time for it. But I can tell right now I have to be on my guard at all times. It really sucks.
Well nothing happened to me at the time I posted this meme. I thought it was hilarious because so many women experience this.
Although a male I was talking was very disappointed that I had gained weight and accused me of not being "totally " honest... I ended it right there and said my goodbyes him nothing. Didn't need to get in a back and forth.
Just donât oversimplify this conundrum. There are many factors at stake. What @Dargil wrote below is the best insight I have ever read about this issue. It describe me to a pinpoint:
âThey (we) are tempered by our politeness and civility and initially come across and as being weak and easily manipulated. But when efforts at control start, we will display intransigence which does not fit the nature (weakness) perceived from our civility and it is interpreted as being mean or rude because she is not getting her way.â
Just remember that type 2 nice guys have a BREAKING POINT. But they are cursed with having too much patience and a long fuse. However itâs a fuse.
Thatâs not to let us off the hook. We got to speak up and be faster on our feet. We need to be ready to walk and never look back (I struggled with this when I was younger). We are peacemakers but that doesnât mean we stick around for abuse.
I called out a woman (year older) who was trying to keep me around as an orbiter. We briefly dated years ago and had gotten sexual. Complicated but we started talking again and I didnât make a move. Reason being I ended up dating someone else around the time we first met. She knew all about it thanks to social media. So when we got back together again I was âtesting the watersâ. I wanted to see where she stood.
Turns out I was 110% unannounced friendzoned. Given her age I thought she would be more mature about it but she wasnât. I was just going to ignore her but she did something very insulting (in front of my family). She was very subtle about it but I definitely noticed. I stopped talking to her after that but she kept liking all my FB and Instagram posts. She was doing this to keep me as an âorbiterâ. A f*cking resource for her own ends.
Finally during lockdown I messaged her and said I wanted to chat. She was overseas for almost 2 years since the incident occurred. I really wanted to give her a chance to own up to herself. If she did it would show she respected me. Itâs complicated. But she didnât.
I calmly but very directly told her I didnât appreciate she did and best of luck. She tried to gaslight (that confirms the disrespect issue) and I had none of it. But I cut her off and she knows where I stand. Iâm fine never seeing her again for the rest of my life.
You can still be nice even though you've been wrong. everyone has the right to be mad for being wronged, but it doesn't justify bad behavior.
I can absolutely assume that the male I was referring to thinks I've lied to him played games when in fact, I haven't. Do I care about any of that perception? sort of not really. not enough to try to explain myself. I feel like I shouldn't have to when he's out there accusing me of something that wasn't intentional from my part.
I really think people need to stop accusing people. I don't understand why people can't sit down and have a conversation and be vulnerable. I only knew him for two weeks, so I'm not going to give him much effort, unfortunately. And the main reason I'm not giving that much effort into sitting down and talking with them it's because one he really just rejected me and called me a liar and I wasn't too comfortable sitting down talking communicating and being open and vulnerable with someone who just did that to me. And throughout our to experience he would make sexual statememts or comments that he wants to see my body. just made me uncomfortable because that's not how I connect with people. However, I can understand that some people connect physically first before building an emotional connection I am just not that way.
Anyway I don't really feel like talking about my experiences. Everything is complicated no point in trying to explain any of it to strangers on the internet
Alright sorry that happened to you. Him being a liar and making comments about your weight was inexcusable. Heâs not a nice guy. In fact that whole incident has nothing to do with the problem people assumed it was. He just a dbag. He could of handle that better.
by the way Iâve been on dates were I felt catfished (girl was much heavier in person). I still treated her well. Still hung out. But afterwards when she followed up I was honest I wasnât interested. But if I invited her to meet up then I will follow through with my word. Now is there being a âfakeâ nice guy or genuine? You tell me.
As for GAG and talking with strangers online. Tbh itâs reverse for me about details with personal experiences. As a man I lose face if I talk publicly about being taken advantage of for being âtoo niceâ. The anonymity on here letâs me safely ventilate. But best of luck to you too.
Lol. I think the real problem is the social system we have in place... cheaters, lyers, all around horrible people. Both men and women. Yes guys have ânice guysâ that night hunk their owes something because their nice... personally I think they are. Women date trash cause their attracted to them and then cry about being pump and dumped. If women were less selective less men would feel so trashy about being unable to land a woman. If men werenât so trashy they could hold women easier... if women werenât so competitive with men then they could get better men... if men werenât so insecure they could handle a woman being more competitive...
All this crying about why this why that... whatâs the meaning of life? Who fucking cares? time to quit crying like children and just worry about improving what you bring to the table.
Both men and women should be in a constant state of self improvement. Eventually they will either find someone or die alone. Thatâs the way this works.
I think Iâm an ok man. Work hard. Respect most people. Good with animals and kids. Intelligent and not weak in will or body. Got a vehicle. Got a plan. Whereâs my woman? Why do my women always cheat? Who knows who really cares? Iâll continue improving and lose anything that takes away from my value as a person. This is just how things are.
Alright, so your saying that no guy is actually nice correct? well give me one reason why I should even think girls are actually nice then but in the case, you aren't saying that there are some guys who are actually nice but I mean just because a guy says something rude he could be saying it in defense right? I mean I would consider myself a nice person I don't even talk to girls really so how could I be trying to impress them if I don't even like them right now I am not even looking for a relationship or anything but if you insist on your statement that guys fake niceness then is everyone actually faking it even girls my point is we are both human and I know you girls think bad things about us or calling us bad things so stop being a hypocrite like I am nice to people and I am not attractive but I am smart and stuff but every girl wants the hottest guy ever even though I could say the same thing about us guys but there are some people who don't want you for looks and even if a guy did some messed up stuff to you doesn't mean every guy is that way. also, this wasn't directed towards the question itself but to these idiots who are being hypocrites. I am being rude because these girls are really frustrating to me.
There are different "strains" nice guys. Some are opportunists like him, sucking up to you to get what they want from you. He is Type One.
And if you don't put out, thy will turn on you because their displayed feelings were deceitful. But then you run into guys like him (depicting Clark Kent) who truly are nice guys. He is Type 2.
They (we) are tempered by our politeness and civility and initially come across and as being weak and easily manipulated. But when efforts at control start, we will display intransigence which does not fit the nature (weakness) perceived from our civility and it is interpreted as being mean or rude because she is not getting her way.
The Type 1 nice guy is immediately effusive, almost too good to be true (because he is). The Type 2 will appear polite and considerate and also perhaps a little muted, but will respond positively to engaging behavior just as Type 1 will, but more moderately and will not change his nature to be more appealing. You have like and accept him as he is.
Yeah Iâm definitely more of a type 2. And type 2 is often gets just disparaged just as bad as type 1 by females. They âsayââ they know the difference but at a emotional level they donât. If they did there would be fewer problems in this world.
But the asker is looking for an answer that she wants to hear, not what she NEEDS to hear.
Outstanding insight with âWe will display intransigence which does not fit the nature (weakness) perceived from our civility and it is interpreted as being mean or rude because she is not getting her way.â
Itâs so true, so sad and so incredibly disgusting. My own mother treated me this way and I hated her for it.â
This is a feminine quirk either women cannot comprehend or are unwilling to. You and I should write an entire take on this.
Because women raise sons who they think will be attractive latter in life, not when they are young. The truth is many of these "Nice Guys" are actually good people despite the variety of memes and anecdotal evidence. They are our friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. Unfortunately they aren't taught that women don't know what they want, and like a cat, will walk away even if they have all their needs met. Speaking from experience the closest I ever was to being a "Nice Guy" in the bad way, was when I was in "love". I cared about a girl so much that I was basically bending over backward to get her to accept me but in the end, even though she was happy with all the emotional support and what not, it didn't matter and I was angry because of it. I now realize that she was using me and I'm able to move past it, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten it. I think a lot of women don't understand what constant rejection feels like, especially when you can't do anything to change it. Women can cake on makeup and find 3 dates in 24 hours if they wanted to but the loneliness guys feel is something else. And then as the old saying goes "Pain turns to anger and anger into hate". Women aren't at fault for creating jerks, but they certainly aren't without responsibility. When we use people and abandon them then we effectively create monsters who are paranoid and afraid of further abandonment.
Longer (and probably less popular answer): People are much more complex than to fit neatly into "nice" and "mean." A person can be kind in some respects and not in others.
I believe it's entirely possible that someone can handle rejection like a complete asshole... and still do things like donate generously to charity, be loving with their friends and family, be kind to strangers, etc. Simply because a person handles rejection like an asshole doesn't automatically make them Hitler.
That being said, it's been my experience that people who handle rejection like assholes often are assholes in other aspects of their lives. Most people who proclaim themselves "nice," be they men or women, usually don't impress me much with their kindness.
So I believe the short answer is most often true, but the longer answer can be true, too.
There are a lot of guys that are genuinely nice, but because they are nice to everybody they get noticed less often than the guys being nice to only one girl with the ulterior motive of getting laid. If a guy is extremely interested in you and overly nice to you before he even got time to get to know you, chances are he isn't interestes in your personality but just your body. Also many guys that are actually nice get demotivated from hearing that women want nice men and then seeing them fall for these sometimes pretty obvious pretenders. If you want to know if a guy is actually nice or just has ulterior motives do stuff together with him and your friends (especially your male friends) or visit your parents with him. Many guys that are just looking for sex will try to talk their way out of that, while guys that want a serious relationship would be happy you are confident about showing them more of your life. Also on a side note: is there a guy amongst your group of friends that gets along with everbody and everybody is wondering how he doesn't have a girlfriend? Or do you have a guy friend you are telling "I want a boyfriend as nice as you, just not you"? Try approaching them, maybe they are what you are looking for and are just not good at flirting.
Every time I think a guy is a nice guy it turns out itâs just an act. The last guy would come by my work to see me. I thought he was just shy because he would stare and it took him a while to talk to me. He wanted to know about my life and told me about his. So I got his number and sent a message no reply. Waited and called it. He said he didnât know who I was than said that he could barely hear me. He was so different and mean. So I sent him a flirty message but didnât tell him who I was. He replied immediately than figured out it was me and told me he was married. I asked why he didnât tell me sooner. His response was that he figured that I would figure it out when he blocked my number.
Because nice guys aren't nice. They're just guys who think they deserve sex and affection just because they pay for a drink, hold the door, give flowers, etc. to women. Some nice guys even try to force themselves on to women or become violent if they don't get what they think they deserve as a "reward" for their niceness. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being genuinely nice, but it's only bad if you're being nice to earn something from a specific someone. Being a gentleman or lady is always fine though.
Because they're not nice. There's a difference between being nice and behaving nice to obtain something. Being nice is a state that a person has with (almost) everyone (almost) every time (bad days happen to everyone, and we all have people that we never want to deal with). It's a willingness to be nice with people that did nothing wrong to you without needing or expecting something in return. Being nice only with some (selectively) and / or only sometimes does not make a person nice. Given the way you phrased this, you didn't really meet nice people. In fact, I find it quite normal given the world we live in... From my experience, nice people are sort like an endangered species, mostly because when you're nice with others they see it as being naive and take advantage of you. A sane person can only get burned so many times before deciding to do something about it.
I don't think they are mean and rude... But I did say another guy say unrealistic expectations which that can play a part. But I think it's fair to lay out kind of where you are at too.. Simply because there is expectations and then there are different people too. One person can drag you into sex on the first date while another could wait a whole year before deciding to do it. For both people I feel like it's fair to air out in someway the speed they are going to go. It's much easier to know where someone is rather than say well how much do I need to do until they are ready when it's simply time based vs doing things...
But to be fair, if "nice guys" are doing that then they are not "nice" in the first place... But again it is fair to have a time to communicate expectations so people know what to expect, hopefully that makes sense...
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They grew up hearing âmen are jerksâ. If youâre told most guys are jerks and youâre kind of sweet and caring you think âgirls would be much happier with meâ. However girls keep dating guys some of whom obviously are jerks and moaning about it while ignoring guys who are nice.
now Iâm aware girls want more than âniceâ and nice probably isnât even the top thing. But itâs pretty obvious how guys can get the impression that being nice/respectful is something women really want and struggle to find.
this isnât the point where they become jerks though. The problem is being nice isnât working. So they -try harder- They figure they must need to be nicer. And now they shift from being genuinely nice to over the top sucking up hoping finally it will be enough. And that still doesnât work and then they feel bitter and ripped off
I am sorry but you are not nice, if you act nice till you get what you want. These fake nice guys are incels and you are generalizing. I also hear guys like you saying bad things about women. But i dont think all women are bad. And nobody only care about personality. Of course looks matter. That is not something new. We are not blind
@hi_it_is_me123 who ever you are. I neither agreed or disagreed on the topic. Don't go saying I'm not nice, and if you don't have any right to say unless you know me personally. I never said women are bad , so measure your words carefully before shouting at world.
"I am sorry but you are not nice, if you act nice till you get what you want." Its true that you're not nice if you ONLY act nice till you get what you want. But what you've said is that anyone shy, anyone who is 'trying hard' and isn't simply being their confident self is 'not nice'. That's a really high bar to set, and based on it there would be few nice people in the world.
The reality is there are people who are nice, but also confused, uncertain, longing to connect, and trying things they think will help.
There are actually very few jerks being 'fake nice guys'. Why? it doesn't work -at all-. So guys who are actually jerks very rapidly learn being a cocky bad boy is a much more effective way to get laid. So who keeps up the fake nice guy act? Genuine nice guys who are also -sure- that being nice is a good quality and they must somehow not be nice enough so need to try harder.
Do some of them become 'not nice' over time? Yeah, hurt and bitterness can turn formerly nice people into being spiteful, it happens with incels, and some other men and women who are hurt in life. Of course incels certainly aren't running a 'fake nice guy' act any more.
I dont know other women but myself i have no problem with aproaching (shy) men and leading the relationship or providing him if they are really nice, have average looks and fullfill some of my preferences.
In my experience it's because they are weak (not physically just in general) and frustrated. They have desires in life and they don't actively try to get them fulfilled Which leads to frustration. They get more frustrated when they do try and fail then they snap. I've been this guy and it's terrible when you are nothing but kind to people and they don't want you (is what I used to believe) what I know now is if I don't do somethings for me I get bitter about what I do for others so I do somethings for me and I'm happier for it.
Simple, because those guys you are referring to aren't the "nice guys" we are so used to talking about.
There's this misconceptions, that "nice guys" are unattractive guys that are nice, but turn rude once rejected. NOOO, these aren't nice guys, these are just assholes pretending to be nice to you because they want something from you.
Actually nice guys are the guys who are kind to everyone and treat you in a friendly manner, that's why they often get friendzoned. It doesn't mean that guys who are kind are bad. Nice guys are just the guys in which their only personality trait is being nice. There's nothing else interesting about them.
Define "rude." Got a sample quote from experience?
I can be just fine with being friendly, and have no ulterior motive. But if she accuses me, lashes out, or instigates rumors or tries to ruin my life? Then I make sure to warn others of what a cunt she is, so she can't hurt anyone else.
It's one thing to not want me. Fine. But to send someone else after me for an "advance" that never happened, because you just can't bear to say you're not interested in anything romantic, calmly, like a rational human being? Weak.
Because they think of their "niceness" as a measure of currency - they think that just because they're "nice" (in actually doing the bare minimum, and having little else to offer outside of that) they deserve sex. Not a relationship, not a genuine connection. Just sex.
They're "Nice Guys"(tm), not guys who happen to be nice as well as being good men.
Well first of all, I believe that there's a difference between being nice and being polite. Polite is doing what you feel society wants you to do in a certain situation. True niceness is doing good things for other people because you truly want to. There is no reward expected for true niceness. Guys like the person in that picture are doing their good behaviors for the wrong reasons, so to me, that doesn't count as being nice.
It's a 50/50 thing. 50% are pissed that they did what women told them to do and it didn't work and they're realizing a hard truth that women aren't honest about what they want. The other 50% are genuinely kind, not nice but kind, dudes that feet suck and tired of having people assume that they're being nice for any reason other than that being the person they are and want to be. The main difference is that one of these groups is being kind of manipulative and being denied what they want; the other is being grouped as part of the first mentioned group. Nobody likes being bullshited so why would you expect someone you have led on to be anything but pissed?
Because they get frustrated. If you ask a girl nice on a date and are polite they wiÄșl be rude to you or just turn you down. However if you tell them bitches ain't shit but hos and tricks and grab their ass and tell them to netflix and chill they are far more likely to say yes. So nice guys think treating women nicely works but it doesn't so they get frustrated and then mean.
When i was younger i tried being nice sometimes and it never worked. Now everyone calls me a huge dick asshole and tons of girls are chasing me.
But are these guys really 'nice', then? Or are you confusing them with those who are really nice?
I, for instance, have always been taught by my parents and sister to be respectful and humble to one and all, not just girls. Such guys will never get frustrated when anyone uses them, they'll get hurt, get suspicious, but will not dump their kindness and humbleness.
So try to check first whether the guy is actually nice or is just trying to get in your pants. The sureshot method to do this is by observing how he treats others around him, especially those weaker or junior to him. Also, nice guys won't flirt with you forcefully or desperately, and will leave flirting if you're uncomfortable, no matter how much they like you.
I don't think these guys are that bad to date. These nice guys will possibly never hurt you, may never cheat on you and treat you as you deserve!
this is what girls say about the nice guy: "Awe i miss that charming prince, he was so popular with all the girls" Truth: He just helped all the girls, kissed their feet, BUT never got laid.
My guess would be that someone probably instilled in them the value of the Gold Rule, so they treat people how they want to be treated, but people suck and abuse and use them, so eventually they get pissed off and act like a normal person. Then people are shocked because their behavior changed and they wonât put up with their shit anymore.
I think the word "nice" is a very general word. Anyone can be nice. That same person can also be not "nice" the very next minute. You have to differentiate between the guys who are really kind and responsible from those who are pretending to be nice in order to be in your favour. This goes for both men and women. Just be more careful and critical in your interactions with people.
@Hawner well, let me ask- are we talking guys who are genuinely decent, or are we talking about "Nice Guys". There's a huge difference. Genuinely nice guys don't get smacked down all the time because they know how to handle themselves and talk to girls.
"Nice Guys" are friend-zone chumps always trying to illicit a pity-F and have a great many repulsive qualities, one of which is mean/rude temper tantrums.
@BeenThereLivedIt Incorrect. As I said to someone else, of we are talking about guys that "acct nice" on order to get something, they aren't nice in the first place. So, they don't count. If we are talking about real nice guys, they are on the majority of cases (thankfully not always) ignored romantically by women. They normally prefer more the bad-ass or cool guy type, so the nice guy is mostly forgotten. When they want something, they more times than not fail to get it because other "cooler guy" got it first despite the nice one doing a better job.
@Hawner I sympathize with the 'guy' you use as an example. I was one of them, once.
Believe me when I tell you, it's a character flaw- those thoughts and feelings that you (or that nice guy) was overlooked for a myriad of reasons. You don't have to be a badass to get that promotion, or win over that girl- that's all in the head of the 'nice guy'. It's his demeanor, that he believes right down to his very soul that he deserves this prize because he's decent and that others don't deserve it because they are less decent, or not at all decent human beings.
It's a fallacy. Nice guys never blame themselves. They always blame someone else. I wrote a mytake about this, I was that guy. I changed my life and now I'm a decent and genuine man, but I'm no nice guy. I get the girls and the promotions. I have for about 10 years now. I was the problem, and also I was the solution. I really do hope that you read it and ponder. Good luck
If the "nice guy" feels entitled to get the girl and that others don't deserve her (or a promotion or whatever), he is not a "nice guy". The real nice guy is hurt by losing the girl or the promotion or whatever but, unless the other one cheated to get it, he will never resent the other guy. It wouldn't be "nice". That is the key. So, you are not taking about actual nice guys, but fakes.
Because the girl doesn't like him, for example? Because the company can't afford to promote him? Are you actually asking me something in hopes that I look like I know nothing to support your point? It is not helping. You want me to correctly answer those specific cases, you better give me the details so I can guess more accurately. If not, don't bring absurd questions that don't help.
@Hawner I'm just trying to figure out what your point is man - you talk about nice guys getting smacked down as a reason for their tantrums, but then you claim that very same guy is a gentleman and doesn't have tantrums. Maybe you aren't being clear enough or maybe I'm just not very bright, but "nice guy" has always in my circle been a reference to the friend-zone pity boy, so I was referencing that guy in my original answer to the question.
I didn't say they get tantrums for being smacked down. That was a direct reply to what you said in the same format so you could see where you were wrong, not what the original post said. I actually think that statement "nice guys are mean" contradicts itself and never bothered answering it. However, to debate that point you bring, "Nice guys" can have low moments, where they can't anymore and explode. That is actually a problem they have: they bottle everything up inside and, when they reached their limit... Not a tantrum, but for a while you can't call them "nice" anymore. I think all humans have those moments. And yes, they mostly end up friend-zoned, as you say. That is one of the things I said as well.
It's part of their incel culture. Or you could say "nice guys" are the types who move onto becoming incels and stalkers.
You could say it's their evolution path. They cannot understand their gaslighting and mendacious habits lead them down the wrong path.
It's like a prude and obnoxious prick complaining he always gets sidelined and ignored for "some reason". Naw fam, you get sidelined and ignored because you are not half as benign as you think yourself to be.
r/niceguys Probably cause they believe if they're nice, that means the woman will just fuck them and when thats not the case? They get alil butt hurt lol
Same reason phone scammers based in Indian call centers act all friendly towards little old ladies over the telephone.
There are many guys who are genuinely nice/kind/sweet etc. But the so-called "Nice-Guys" are just playing the part without actually *being* a good person. They're wolves in sheep's clothing. But of course they always play the victim and deflect blame when called out on their covert manipulation tactics.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Havenât you heard the saying âAll men are nice until you have sex with themâ. It is because they know they canât be assholes upfront. They will want to use you for a bit and then leave because thatâs what some men like to do. Although there are some men that are nice enough to respect women and apologize.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I sympathize. I think in general they're just trying to get what everyone else is and to be happy. So they do everything they're told/taught, but often don't get it right because all they have to work with is movies and women who don't tell them anything useful. So of course they get pissed off, which while a reasonable response to frustration, doesn't solve their problem. And it's not like women have an equivalent social position they end up in, so it's kind of just a unique guy problem.
They aren't, because if they're nice, they're not gonna be rude/mean, but a lot of people can fake being nice, as the proverb says fake it till you make it!
On a second hand, even the nicest people ever have their limits, so we probably need more context to better understand your question🙄
Because they're not actually nice guys. They're "nice guys". They're guys who feel entitled to get something in return for acting nice. Not actually being nice.
Nice guys think friendship is a means to romantic relationship. They cannot fathom the idea that a girl can like them as a friend but not as a boyfriend, so they become furious when rejected.
Or say yes if she asks you.. Some guys Drag out friendship even when she wants to date, thinkingwell sheâll REALLY wanna date if I show I just wanna be friends. No pressure right đâ
Because in they are investing time and effort in hopes to get a certain thing and then they are pissed that they don't get it.
I mean wouldn't you be pissed if you went out if your way to impress a guy you like and they just take everything for granted and treat you like a normal friend, even though you do way more for them than all the other people?
I know it's a mistake on their part. Just explaining why they are mean.
1. These aren't nice guys. They're playing nice in order to fuck you. 2. Women tend to be nasty to guys who come across as "too nice". Y'all want assholes so you can feel small and 'girly' then play victim when they ruin your lives or hurt you.
Because they THINK they're nice so they can do whatever and say whatever they want. They don't like to take other people's feelings into consideration
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I think you have the wrong definition of what a nice guy is a nice guy isnât rude or mean. If someone is acting nice and they secretly have ulterior motives then yeah but a genuine good guy isnât gonna be rude or mean and secondly he is gonna be friendly and polite to everyone not just women. So I admit I suffer from low self esteem but it makes me feel better if I make someone elseâs day better or if I did another kind act. The feeling of wholeness that you helped someone in your heart is awesome.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Getting treated like shit by every female and then finally being sick of it makes anyone seem angry. But the stupid idea that nice guys think you owe them is just a bullshit shaming tactic. The nice guys who become assholes are not mad because you wonât fuck them, they are simply tired of you expecting them to keep bowing to you and tolerating your childish bullshit and games. They donât owe you shit any more than you feel you owe them anything.
Nice guys are actually not nice. They are assholes and deserve to be treated like shit. By the way it is your fault if try to impress a bitch and whine and generalize women
@hi_it_is_me123 yes. In you definition, itâs a loser who bows to vagina to try on win pussy points in the hopes it will get a girl to like him. Generally he gets used by females because he is a simp and then he becomes angry and bitter at females in general because of their treatment of him.
Maybe something went over my head but how would ya know he is nice if he is been rude and mean? Also some people may just come off rude about something or have strong opinions and be really nice if you get to know them.
I personally don't have any problem with being kind but sometimes I see a person just depending on me because I help them then when I need their help, they don't so then I get cut the connection. I wouldn't be rude to them, just will stop creating time for them. What did nice guys did to you?
That's pretty much it right there... they just can't wrap their head around the fact that girls don't like nice... When they see a girl with an asshole they dont think hmmm im getting zero pussy and. That guys got tons... maybe I'll try to be more like that guy... instead they are sure the girls are mistaken and are looking for pathetic clingy guys so they double down
Nice guys are mean and rude because that's what girls feel the need to convince themselves to feel less guilty about rejecting them and hurting their feelings. For the record, it's absolutely ok to reject people for any reason, and it's also ok to express when your feelings are hurt by painful experiences like rejection! Let's all get along, folks :D
A think it's just honesty to try and help the situation no matter what it might be about without holding back but it's just to try and help overall and give you a clear understanding on where they stand
It could be multiple reasons why they are rude. If you're an all around Jack ass I will be rude as fuck to him. But if he's fed up with you then that could be a reason
Cause they know that if you won't put out they can just go find it somewhere else... Where the "ugly" guys know that this could be their one and only shot... So they want to make sure they don't do anything to lose you.
Im one of them just looking for a girlfriend that will accept me for who i am and possibly fall in love with and would spoil her by giving foot massages and back rubs, cuddling, just hangout and tlk and just be ourself
Huh. I've asked the same thing before and so have many guys. Doing so, we quickly learn a lot. If we dare to question this status quo, we must be: -A loser -Lonely -Confused -Bitter -Forever alone. -Somebody society begs not to multiply.
@yucel_eden Exactly. It's like assholes are assholes not necessarily to get girls, but they do, then they happily beat them for fun and for sure are the better, more honest men than nice guys. Yay logic! :D
Well if someoneâs a genuinely nice guy he isnât. But girls tend to be able to tell when a guy is just genuinely being nice verses thinking heâs entitled to sex.
Alright, I answer this one because I like long hair... This question is meant to be rhetorical. It's a question that also has sarcasm. Of course, real nice /kind guys are not mean/rude. However, there are men that will be nice until they don't hear or dont get a result they were expecting, and suddenly that woman turns into a person who leads them on. He turns himself into the victim and justifies any malice because he was wronged.
In general, people who are genuinely kind /nice even when wronged will know that everyone has the right to be mad, but that doesn't justify wrong behavior.
Those kinds of guys that are nice until they don't get a result obviously have an expectation and have probably been spoon-fed their whole lives. I'd say they are way overthinking it if they think the chick lead them on like that and didn't meet their expectation. Sounds like he has narcissistic traits so just be weary of that behaviour, especially if he's trying to turn himself into the victim and justify malice because in his mind he was "wronged". I'd cease communication with this person and ignore them.
Yep, I do find them annoying they are so desperate that they even compromise their own self respect just be in a relationship with a girl and that girl doesn't give a f*#$ about them.
Yep, those guys are annoying, they need to focus better on their careers. Because if they, won't they'd not only eventually become depressed but also homeless.
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