Why am I suddenly disgusted and irritated by my long-term partner?

[Anonymous]

So, I am a 26 year old F. I have been with my partner for almost 10 years. Lately, he’s been disgusting me & a lot of things he does irritates me. He started trucking 2 years ago and is home 1-2 days out of the week. He has progressively gotten lazier. He doesn’t wear deodorant and showers once a week. Luckily, I only see him 1-2 days. He irritates me though he tries being funny and it’s just annoying and he intentionally pushes my buttons. We were at the casino, he lost his money and I was enjoying myself (I only get 1-2 days without my daughter every two months or so). He was pushing the slot buttons which make a loud sound and I asked him to stop and he kept doing it, I got irritated yelled and he laughed. Tonight I tried going down on him and he farted basically in my face. It’s gotten so bad I’ve had him sleep on the couch the last 3-4 times he’s had days off. I’m a very patient, understanding and a very forgiving person, I’m not sure what’s wrong with me I’ve never felt disgust or irritation for a person before. So much so I’d rather him stay out on the road.

[SueShe]

I think it is time for you 2 to seek couple counseling because it seems that things with him get out of hand. Of course, he will not admit there is an issue and will find it offensive that you suggest that measure but it is about the only thing that may help.

The essence of a relation is in communication.

If you feel that the situation is tense, why don't you make a list of topics you feel both of you have an issue and besides each item, you bring a reply that you think would help the situation. Then ask him to do a similar list and also to write down how he sees improvement.

Then you sit together and attempt to find a consensus, bearing in mind that none of you should be angry or upset. That would falsify the outcome and rather than to help, this would only make things worse. Also, trying to impose one's view onto the other is not the right solution because the one or the other is under pressure to act on that imposition. Good luck.

[Asker]

On the contrary! We have actually talked about seeing a couples counselor but he does basically say he doesn’t have time to. I will definitely suggest the list idea. However, the only thing he ever mentions of being a problem is me bringing up our issues. “Bitching” is his exact word.

[SueShe]

typical denial of his own mistakes that he does not want to see or admit

[FreyaRed]

This is a part of many unbalanced relationship, where she thinks the guy is below her level and he thinks she can't survive without my resources. It's just an example, a relationship can be unbalanced in many other ways as well.
It's a part of human nature. When start to feel exploited even subconsciously you start to despise the seemingly oppressor. However don't be surprised if he sees that another way around, just his motives to see you that way are different.

[LazerBean]

No clue, you should have been disgusted 8 years ago and realized he isn't into you.

[Asker]

Impossible to force myself to be disgusted & I asked for opinions not self projections. 🙁

[LazerBean]

I didn't say you should have forced yourself to, it should have been natural. And it's not a self-projection, I'm not the one who has wasted 10 years and a baby on someone who doesn't want to commit to me lol

[Asker]

I genuinely don’t think it’s a commitment issue. 😅 Im not sure where you got that from? We are married, he pays for everything, he gets me everything and anything I want. The issue is he’s giving me a gigantic ick. You’re 100% unhappy in your relationship and are self projecting. I’ll pray for you.

[LazerBean]

Nah if he were your husband you would have called him that instead of your "partner". You're just making that up now because it hit a nerve. Nice try projecting tho

[Asker]

I’m not 80. I refer to him as my partner, my toe licker, my lover, my daughter’s father very rarely do I call him my husband. Similarly, unmarried couples refer to their partners as their husband/wife.😅 It might even send you into a coma knowing I don’t wear my ring everyday, everywhere I go. What a basic way of living. 💀 You’re 100% projecting after dealing with narcissistic people often you can very easily distinct between something that has to do with your situation and when something has to do with the other person’s situation. I wish you healing and hope you find peace with whatever you’re dealing with and that you seek therapy for anything that might’ve triggered you in my post. Or you might just be a toxic person (God help you S. O if you are).

[LazerBean]

That projection is extra funny, considering you're the one complaining about what a loser your baby daddy is. I pray you do a better job picking the next one ❤️ have a great day

[Asker]

🤷🏻‍♀️ Guess he’s a loser. I won’t be picking another 🤭 nothing is unfixable. Have a better day 🤍

[Nikki1989]

Either you or him or both have chosen the wrong partner.

[Anonymous]

He needs to be a better partner.

[LotharioENERZY]

craving for a better man.

[MrChinaski]

sounds fake.