I put too much pressure on a new relationship

[Anonymous]

I met a guy online and we talked for a couple of weeks he was if I would like him or not. Finally we met and it was fireworks for both of us. We spend two nights together and everything was fine. I freaked out the next morning because he had not called me. I sent him 4 text messages first starting out asking him if I did something wrong, than I made the mistake of assuming he was ignoring me intentionally and told him that he could of least had the courtesy to tell me he was not interested in me anymore. I had a moment of being needy and realized after I did it that I was looking for reassurance in the wrong way. He contacted me later that morning after he got my message and told me he would get back to me later. I am far from a needy person and I reacted the way I did because I have never felt so strongly about someone and I was taken aback by my feelings. He texted me that evening and explained that his phone had died and that when you turned it on he was blown away by all the messages and it caught him off guard. He said he felt as of right now he just wants to be friends and that he has never had anyone pressure him like that. He reassured me that he does not sleep around with just anyone. I texted him back and asked me if he could call me so I could explain to him why I reacted the way I did, he did not respond so I texted him again and told him that it was not my intention to pressure him and I was sorry that I assumed the worse and if he would like to be friends I would like that and maybe one day he will have a change of heart. He never responded. I waited a day and sent him an email to explain why I reacted and again apologized and respected his decision to be friends right now. He again did not respond. I waited three days and texted him a message on Thanksgiving letting him know he was on my mind and to have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving, he did not respond, but I did not send it to get a response I merely wanted to wish him a happy holiday. I do not have any issue giving him space and I have not contacted him again. I am prayerful that he will reach out to me in one way or another because of the chemistry we shared in every aspect of each other. I have never had a man not contact me that I dealt with I just really feel a strong connection with him and I am hoping for the best. I already made one mistake with him and I am seeking your advice so I avoid making anymore. Your feedback is appreciated.

[agreen74]

I can totally understand wanting reassurance and freaking out a bit when you didn't hear back from him. However, having been on the receiving end of a barrage of texts/emails/calls very quickly into getting to know someone, I can honestly say it is incredibly off-putting. It makes me want to run and I'm a woman.

I'm not without sympathy at all! I just had my boyfriend, who acted like I was the greatest thing ever for 7 months, break-up with me abruptly and with no sign what-so-ever that he wasn't thrilled to be with me. He did it the day before Thanksgiving! I'd told him I loved him 2 weeks earlier and I think he freaked. My emotional/needy/grieving impulse was to call him up and say "This has been so good...don't do this just because you're scared." However, I didn't, because what would be the point?

My point is this: If someone wants to be with you, they will. You shouldn't have to cling, beg, etc. to make it happen. If you do then one of two things are going on: He's not the right guy for you and his lack of contact is a sign of that (no matter how great you thought it was). Or, you have issues of insecurity that make you terrified he won't be into you, stay with you, or whatever. Either way...is that the foundation you want to build a relaitonship on? Chalk this up to a learning experience and move on if he doesn't contact you. At this point though, I definitely would NOT contact him again, no matter how benign or well-intentioned.

[Kagome829]

Girl I did the same thing and he pulled away but all I want is communication. Don't have me initiating fucking text all the damn time and buttering me up and expect me not to turn up just to see what is fucking going on. Us women do to damn much and they don't put in as much effort, at least his ass could've texted you back and said I need a little space because things are moving too fast instead of ignoring you.

[AustinMan]

Try to put yourself in his position. You like this girl and you have sex with her and it's really good. You're really busy and suddenly she turns into psycho-bitch, first needy, then demanding, then apologetic, all over the map. What would you think? You'd probably think: wow! What have I gotten myself into? This woman is an independent adult and she's acting like a crazed adolescent.

Your initial reaction would be to run for the hills so don't be surprised that he did exactly that. He's gonna need some time to recover. As a guy with some miles on me, I can tell you that a short note on a nice bi-fold in your most feminine penmanship saying that you would like a chance to reconnect, that he can count on you to not go psycho again. Tell him the ball is in his court, that you'd like to see him but that clearly, it's his call. Then move on. Presume you'll never hear from him again and grieve the loss. If he makes contact, that's a bonus. It's easy to adjust that way. If not, mark it up as a lesson learned and don't make the same mistake again. One mistake clearly was going off the deep end. Maybe another was sleeping with him too soon. Just give it all some thought. Godspeed.

[Distant]

Yeah, that was SUPER clingy and off-putting. At this point, he's not even going to listen to what you have to say. Leave him alone for a while, if he doesn't contact you, you can assume what his opinion of you is. Next time, regardless of chemistry, keep it cool. It is never okay to act like this after one night together.

[Kagome829]

I think it was more than a night.

[NerdInDenial]

Just let him respond. You are putting a lot of pressure on him. This is natural especially if you feel so strongly for someone.