Am I being too overbearing/intense in my new relationship?

[Anonymous]

In June, I matched with a guy on a hinge, and we clicked, went on dates almost every weekend and then made it official on August 27th; in the initial stages, he was very much eager, excited and made quite a bit of effort to communicate and plan dates or at least made an effort to plan something out lol.

That said, during our dates, I would bring conversation starter cards, which helped us open up and explore various topics early on. He said he was also inexperienced in relationships.
Since making it official, I feel he hasn't made any effort in planning dates, so I have made some effort in suggesting things we can do. Still, apart from that, he doesn't seem too eager to plan anything outside the norm, as he solely likes us to go out for dinner and walk around the mall, and that is it.
So two weeks ago I suggested we visit a different part of town and maybe do an art class; unfortunately, the art class didn't work out.
Still, we ended up having a good time playing at a game board cafe; last week, I suggested we try an axe throwing activity. He was a bit excited via text, so this week, when he texted me on Monday, I told him that we could go this week if it works for him and that I would register/pay for it as well as he has been paying for all of the other dinner dates.
He then said, "sounds good" a few minutes later sent me a text message that he was very exhausted this week but that we could go later this week, and I told him I understood and that it was totally fine that we go later this week.
He then texted me on Wednesday, and we chatted about his day; he said he had cut his hand badly, so I wished him well and told him that he shouldn't worry about the axe-throwing activity as well; I didn't want him to hurt another finger lol. However, he reassured me that he wanted to go but was still very much exhausted, and I told him not to worry about that. I understood.

Updates

1 y

Apart from that, I haven't seen him for two weeks. He has been initiating text messages checking in, and so forth, which is excellent. Still, I would have appreciated him maybe face timing me? As we have never spoken on the phone as I feel we had some miscommunication and he might have felt pressured into going to an axe-throwing activity, which isn't my intention; however, he did mention to me that he doesn't like texting that much and enjoys our one on one dates a bit more to catch up.

Updates

1 y

I also feel a bit dissatisfied, so I would appreciate any advice, as this is my first relationship, and I sure do not wish to stress out my boyfriend. Still, I'm also unsure how to proceed in expressing my needs regarding communication & initiating and so forth.

Thank you

[William7489]

First off, I’m very sorry. You say this is your first relationship and you’re 25 years old? This is pretty tricky for you, I’ll help you walk through this. Please above all else remember this very simple golden rule. If someone in your life does not appreciate your presence, then make them appreciate your absence. No person in any relationship should have to ask for attention ever. If you matter to a person, they make the effort. Especially early in a relationship, a person makes the effort to be around you, be seen with you, and want to talk to you. What you’re describing is some thing more like a very odd version of friends with some benefits of sorts? The fact that you’ve had to update your story multiple times with no improvement in communication from your partner speaks volumes. I can assure you, cut off communication completely for a few days at least and see what kind of reaction you get. It will tell you quite a bit. You deserve someone who wants to talk to you. Not someone who has a bunch of excuses

[Asker]

Hello, and Thank you so much for your continued advice! We had a dinner date yesterday evening, and during dinner, I brought along another fun conversation card game in which we touched upon communication & Finances, to name a few.
He mentioned to me that as the year is ending, he is working on putting all of his money into his savings/retirement account as he purchased a home last year, so he wanted to know if I was ok with splitting the bill in our subsequent dates, but also because of that we probably won't be able to do expensive dates such as the axe throwing activity, so that was one of the drawbacks. He also mentioned that he is genuinely exhausted after work, so as much as he wants to do more things with me during the weekday, they might not be feasible due to the exhaustion he feels.

Lastly, he mentioned that if I wanted to communicate more with him during the week, he was ok with that as much as he likes our current communication style, but was open to changing if it improves the relationship.

So I'm hoping that now that we have been able to have open communication regarding these issues, things will get a bit better.

[William7489]

You’re so welcome. I’m really glad that you all seem to be talking more. Sounds like things are getting better. Keep it up and let me know how it goes please! And good luck to you and never forget that you don’t have to settle for anyone.

[Chris_Morgan]

I don't think you're being overbearing at all by my standards, especially if you haven't seen each other in two weeks. In my first relationship I don't think were apart for more than a day in years.

[MiseriaCantareAFI]

it's cliche, to be "overbearing" in a new relationship. It's the "honeymoon phase" of it