He ended our friendship but he did not tell me why

Question

So this guy James and I used to like each other. A year ago he moved to another state for work, so we were never able to date. He says he is over me now. However he always gets interested in my love life. I asked James why he was so interested in it, and he got really defensive and told me not to bring it up again.

Recently, he stopped talking to me. This is unlike him because we talk all the time. I got a little concerned. I rang him, and when he heard my voice he was silent for ages. The silence dragged on and on. He sounded like he'd seen a ghost. He sounded like he'd rather hear from anyone but me. He was just incapable of speech. Finally he said he "couldn't deal with it" and hung up. A few days later he told me he was ending our friendship, but he wasn't going to tell me why. He said he "couldn't have another year of it". What is going on? He is 22

PLEASE help me out, really need some opinions, PLEASE?

DavidWolfe · Accepted Answer

He is not over you...never was...he may have liked to think he could say it was done, but he had/has unresolved feelings for you and doesn't know how to express it and still be "cool"...
...at 22, he should be able to express himself better, so there are some kind of "issues" that are making him react this way to you and your questions, as you are simply trying to figure out why he is acting this way and what it means...he can't talk to you about it apparently right now, so best bet is to see if somebody else (close to him) can intervene and see if they can find out why he is acting so strange towards you...it won't be easy...

jaw_500 · Accepted Answer

Sounds like he is in love you. I have a very good friend of mine that I love so dearly that it breaks my heart to hear she is with someone else. She was in a relationship when we first met and I instantly fell for her. A year went by and I got in a relationship with someone else and when she broke up with her boyfriend I was still with my ex so nothing came of it. She then got with someone else and shortly after I found myself single. Which is where things still stand.
Thats my two cents on the issue. :)

nos131 · Accepted Answer

sounds like he's in love with you and would like to be with you but the distance might be something that he can't handle. So with that said he might be going thur the process of really getting over you and trying to move on. Sadly, because this sound like the beginning of something that could be real - you shouldn't concern yourself too much with his emotional fit. Let him come talk to you. If he is some one that you like in you're in the long term be there for him when he wants to talk or hang but don't go out of your way. And don't wait forever.

Yriuqni · Accepted Answer

Maybe he is still in love with you .. but his job is more important.. and although it hurts him to be away from you , he still chose to be only dedicated to his work :)

No matter what it is .. he gave up on you. You need to move on and start a new life without him :) A person who loves someone will never give up on them no matter what..

rachiee · Accepted Answer

It sounds like he's trying to get over you. This is common when two people like each other but can't be together because of something that they have no control over (distance usually). Give him space and respect his wishes. He just needs to get over you and him talking to you/staying in your life probably doesn't help him at all.

XRabbitHeartX · Accepted Answer

Have you tried actually asking him why he's acting the way he does? He seems like a very difficult person to me. Someone who acts as unreasonable and immature as that doesn't sound like a good friend to me.

SilkSatin · Answer

I'm sorry, maybe he realizes that you care about him more than a friend and he is ending the friendship to spare your feelings. He probably realizes how sensitive you are to him, and he doesn't want to lead you on and knows that you will get hurt. So a complete cut off is healthier for you.  He cares about you but maybe not in the way you would want him to so he's closing off all contact. I'm sorry you're going through this.  Feelings get easier to understand as we mature.  But you will be alright

Catie101 · Answer

hmm here are the only explanations I could possibly come up with in my mind...
1) he fell in love with you and never had the guts to tell you or anyone you know and he can't be friends with you anymore because it hurts he's not with you
2) he loves you and feels betrayed and can't handle it anymore
yup... uhm he loves you? lol

Nnita · Answer

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM, SOME GUYS CAN'T DEAL WITH BEING FRIENDS AND HEARING ABOUT YOU AND OTHER GUYS, HE WANTS YOU AND HE CAN'T HAVE YOU AND IT IS REALLY KILLING HIM, SOME GUYS REALLY PUT THEM SELVES THROUGH HELL AND SUFFERING IN THESE TYPES OF SITUATIONS. HE SAID HE WAS OVER YOU, WAS IT BECAUSE YOU WERE OVER HIM, IT IS PROBABLY A PRIDE THING, AND A LIE, HE IS INTERESTED IN YOUR LOVE LIFE BUT IT KILLS HIM TO HEAR ABOUT IT. HE PROBABLY WISHES HE WERE THE GUYS YOU TELL HIM ABOUT. SOMETIMES IT IS JUST THE LITTLE THINGS ABOUT WOMEN THAT CAN MAKE YOU CRAZY FOR THEM, THE ONLY WAY TO STOP HIS SUFFERING, WAS MAYBE JUST TO END HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO, IS TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL, AND LET HIM SORT HIM SELF OUT.

Arwens-Fire · Answer

He most likely still has feelings for you,but since he can't be with you,he doesn't want to be friends either.But...he also doesn't necessarily want you to be with anyone else either hence him being interested in your love life.But ultimately,he still has strong feelings for you.

jyb786 · Answer

The first thought (and probably accurate) that come to mind is that he thought of you A LOT more than just friends ... but was too afraid to tell you because he was afraid that you might even stop being his friend if he told you... so he wanted to keep your friendship ... but then he just couldn't handle the dual feelings anymore and did what he did...

sfauo · Answer

This is all speculation but... he's just having a hard time moving past his feelings for you. He would rather avoid the topic because it brings back those feelings and makes him frustrated. And being friends is hard when it's with the person you want to be with.

guy532 · Answer

I don't want to be bias since I feel the same way about a girl as James seems to be feeling.  It sounds to me like he was crazy about you, possibly in love with you and you did something (most likely multiple things) to break his trust or his respect for you.  He is confused about how he is feeling because even though he is still crazy about you he hates your guts.  He is trying to move on, but finds it incredibly difficult to do so because of how much he cares about you and each time he gets reminded of you it just makes it harder.  He knows you're no good for him and is trying to mend his broken heart.

Mrsupaakeru · Answer

James may still have feelings for you, but feels like he can't date you for whatever reason. He also seems to be jealous of other guys, but he can't deal with that healthily so he is avoiding you. In any case he clearly is not mature enough to deal with this like an adult. So follow his wishes and avoid him it works in your favor too, you don't need someone like that around.

Anonymous · Answer

Why do you find this so confusing? He liked you but he can't be with you now so he wants to move on. It makes it hard to move on when you keep popping up in his life. Let it go and move on.

Kain6th · Answer

I remember this story. did you have a different account? I think I remember saying that he probably had feelings and can't be friends because of the distance.

Longshot · Answer

He may like you more than he was willing to admit to. Or he might be the type that just could not handle you as a friend. In either case if he is unwilling to explain himself, then it's time for you to move on.

Aven_Ross · Answer

Did you happen to post this same question on Yahoo Answers? I was the chick who gave you that one answer. I stand by it. You can do so much better. :)

shumailkazimi · Answer

he is confused ..he wants to be good in your eyes and for that he got to so much length that he called you sister...he si troubled as him about what is your stand in hsi life...he may telll u

baldassare · Answer

it is interesting situation, his behavours are not sensible...and you were also close friends...

maybe time had caused it...one year is not a short time...in that period maybe he has a girlfriend and her girlfriend doesn't want him to speak with u... maybe?

DinaColada · Answer

It sounds like past hurts have become a trigger.  Sounds like he liked you before and doesn't want to feel hurt again.

marythom · Answer

Sounds like this guy is really immature!  He can't even explain his actions to you?  That's so messed up.  Maybe he liked you and just needs some time/space away from you to get over it?

n3kkidninj4 · Answer

Cant be sure what's going on without knowing both of you, but it doesn't sound like he was over you at all. But 22 is a d*** age for most of us.

Kain6th · Answer

I think he saw you as more than a friend and perhaps the distance is too much?

Anonymous · Answer

Forget him and don't reward that behavior. That sappy expression about "if you love something let it go blah blah blah"

Phoenix52 · Answer

He has feelings for you.

He ended our friendship but he did not tell me why

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