My boyfriend has not accepted my relationship request on FB, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I been in a relationship with this guy for over 6 years but we have never made it official because we both were student athletes in college and agreed on it. Now that we finished college and had a child together, he still isn't committing. He said, " we are official, you just want everyone in our business." Of course I do! If that means everyone knowing we are together. Should I take that as him not wanting to be with me and move on? or Should I chill and enjoy my family?

[madhatters4]

if your Facebook relationship status is the biggest issue in your relationship then you should start worrying about bigger issues or consider yourself lucky.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2yrs and we are not "in a relationship" on Facebook because we simply don't see the point. We know we are together, love each other, and people we know (who mater) kno we are in love.

For me Facebook can be exploitive and while you may think it's a necessary thing to announce on Facebook your relationship your dude may not and I think it's something you may need to respect.

Is it really worth years of stress, fights, arguments (not saying that is your issue) over something so minor? I'd say enjoy your life and your family. If your issue is symptomatic of a larger concern regarding him as a partner then you have an issue worth pursuing but if you trust him, love him and have faith in him then leave the fb relationship status issue alone because it doesn't seem worth an argument...

...but again if you have fears about your relationship outside of Facebook (trust issues, fidelity issues, etc) then maybe you should explore it

[Oceansize]

I respect your answer, and I commend that this arrangement works out for you. But, depending on each person, I think it can be an issue because saying you're in a committed relationship isn't something one feels they need to hide. I am very "personal" with my FB account. I don't friend request people just to have 5,000 friends. I keep in touch with family members far away, so my FB friends are close friends in real life. (Except one.) I have nothing to hide from them.

[madhatters4]

I appreciate your commendment but honestly I don't think it's commendable. It's just the reality we live in. I agree I have 300 friends and I could probably eliminate half of them and get it down to people I really really care about. But those 150 people that I really really care about already know we are together. FB doesn't tell them, we tell them ... I just don't like that people so often assume the worst of things because of fb. We allow Fb to create drama in our lives not vice versa

[Oceansize]

Well, OK. But, I think the Question Asker's situation is very different. This sperm donor of hers seems to use FB to flirt with other women. :-/ Some people just shouldn't be parents. . .

[madhatters4]

but you're assuming that he is using fb to flirt. she never said that. Look if it was a big deal to my girlfriend I'd give in and make the status official, but if it's only goiing to cause drama, and aside from the official relationship status they're relationship is fine then I wouldn't push it. FB isn't worth ruining domestic bliss over. how is he a bad parent because he doesn't announce his relationship on fb?

[Asker]

He is a great father and comes home every night but I'm afraid I'm ignoring the red flags of commitment. I been with this guy for 6 years and I'm not getting younger. I would love to marry my child father but how long do I have to wait? If I asked for a relationship commitment on fb and get turned down, marriage is far from it. The people who matter is never the problem in a relationship, it's the people who don't that ruins chances on having a successful relationship.

[madhatters4]

I'm engaged to my girlfriend. we aren't "official" on Facebook. just being completely honest to me and I imagine some other people we just care about Facebook and in some ways I feel I have to rebel against it otherwise become some sort of drone. Real marriage should have little correlation to fb status. I hear you about the red flags, have you two discussed marriage? IF you took fb out of the equation (like it didn't exist) would you still have any red flags?

[Asker]

Yes we have talked about marriage but I thought the conversation was brought up to keep me hanging around because of the threats of leaving. If he and I deleted our Facebook, I don't think we wouldn't have the same issues. He's not willing to deleted it, that's why this fb issues is causing red flags.

[gonyr]

I read 6 months at first and thought who cares. But then I realized it said 6 years. It's a little weird, but honestly, it's just Facebook. It's not like your friends and family don't already know so who cares?

[Anonymous]

I don't see why he wouldn't accept it? If he has a child with you, and he's committed to you, he shouldn't be freaking out over putting your relationship out there?

Does he frequently talk to other girls on there, and not tell you about it? Or does it seem like he's secretive about his Facebook? Because that could be something to worry about.

I've already been through this, I was just too dumb to read the signs. If he's being weird about it, deleting messages, making sure he's there when you're on it, or not letting you on it at all, not wanting to make it "Facebook official" with all the old flings on there, talking to old sex pals, etc. It's time to question it.

When I went through this, I ignored the signs, until I logged into it, and the evidence hit me the face.

Not all guys are like that, but not all are good either. If you trust him, then just talk to him about it and tell him how much it means to you. If you have a bad feeling, talk to him about it. If he starts acting weird about it, something is up.

I'm not trying to scare you, just sharing my knowledge and experience.

[CrystalMinds]

You have a child together, doesn't that mean more of a commitment than showing off on Facebook? Maybe he is honest about his reasons not to accept, I mean, people important to you know you are together and are a family, they know you have a kid and love each other, right? So what if it's not on Facebook, it's just Facebook. It doesn't mean anything.

In the days before Facebook, it was so much easier... Just see things in the real world, how they are, not in the "Facebook world". Some people can be the best friends on Facebook when in real life they don't like each other at all! What's more important? The fact that they SEEM nice friends on Facebook or how they act towards each other in real life?

As long as everything is okay in your relationship and nothing has changed for the bad, just let it go. Don't worry about little things like Facebook.

[Asker]

He doesn't skip a day checking his Facebook, more than half his friends is females, and females writes on his wall way to often. Now that Facebook is more like a dating website, you would be a fool not to demand his/her Facebook.

[CrystalMinds]

I don't do that... I just remove the "single" and I just put "in a relationship", it's not Facebook's business whom I'm dating... Just ask him if he wants to change it since it means something to you...

[rudy37lee]

A better question is why DOENS'T he want everyone to know you are his? Demanding a public show of commitment after 6 months might be a little presumptious, but after 6 years? Cmon . . . tell him to take a shyte or get off the pot. You have every right to a commitment. Most women wouldn't wait half as long as you did.

[rudy37lee]

And if he doesn't want everyone in his business, why does he have a FB page at all?

[madhatters4]

some people have fb to keep in touch with people (e.g. me) . The point of my Facebook isn't to be in anyone's business or have people in mine it's simply a tool (like link'd in) to maintain relationships with people.

My question is since when did a virtual world mean more than the real world? Since when did a virtual commitment mean more than a real one?

[rudy37lee]

It doesn't mean more, but that's not the point. The point is, she's feels like he's hiding her. If for no other reason, he'd do it because he'd know she would feel better about things. It's not like it's a huge sacrifice or anything. And yes, it's a tool to keep in touch with people. So, if you're going to keep in touch, wouldn't you want those people to know you have a special lady in your life. If not, why? Keeping other options open on there or what?

[Anonymous]

You've been together for six years and have a kid with him? I would think that everyone who actually matters would already know you're together. Some people like to keep their private life private and not put everything about themselves on Facebook. Just because its not Facebook official doesn't mean he isn't committed to you. I know people who have been married 30 years who aren't even friends with each other on Facebook, much less have each other listed as their spouse. It doesn't mean they aren't committed to one another.

Now if he actually doesn't want your friends and family to know you are together, and you've had to hide your relationship from them in the real world, then I'd be a little worried.

[Asker]

We are friends and have over 2 hundred mutual friends, and that my problem. Isn't Facebook used to stay in touch with old friends and distants family? or Meet up for a booty call? Over half his friends are old sex partners or just sluts in general. If it's not to show me off, then it must be for the sluts.

[Oceansize]

To Question Asker: You are right. He's using his FB account to look at all the stupid profile pics his old sex partners put up, etc., and who knows what else. Sorry, but having a kid doesn't mean the man is committed. Yeah, he may be committed, but sees you as his safety net while he "plays around". Maybe not to the point of cheating, but. . .well, does he come home to you every night? I guess to some women, that's all that matters.

[Anonymous]

It's Facebook. Chill the f*** out.

[GemLbx]

Ask him

[Sahgigoth]

Panic