What if I can't forgive?

[TheBMG]

When I was younger, under 10 years of age, I was sexually molested and abused by a family friends son. I ran into him at school store a few weeks ago and I literally wanted to tear him apart. However, his parents were there. Before I saw him, I had worked on forgiveness. I prayed for him and tried to ask God to help and bless him. I tried to move on. I prayed for God to intervene in my life to forgive him and move on. Then I saw him. How can I be a Christian if I can't forgive? This kills me inside because I feel I'm failing as a Christian.

[nolabels]

I've been having the same trouble for a number of years now.
No matter how much I tried to forgive, my rage consumed me.

A year or so ago, I began to take a new tack on the situation.
I started telling myself that those who I'm angry with are not worthy of my remembering them.
That may sound rather judgmental on my part and I'd have to admit that it is.
I consider that to be a sin on my part, but until I'm able to forgive, I had to find a way to cope.

My situation is different than yours in that I formerly thought that I had a good relationship with these people, only to ultimately have them behave dishonorably and cowardly.
So, in lieu of non-forthcoming forgiveness, I began to force myself to think of something else when I would remember former good times with them, as well as the transgressions.
In the beginning, I had to force myself to distract my thinking every second for hours on end, but it eventually began to help remove them from my mind.
If I allow myself to, I can still become enraged at them, but it has gotten better.
Maybe someday I'll be able to forgive them.
I hope to be able to do so.
My rage isn't hurting them, it hurts me.
I still pray for help in forgiving them.
I try to remember that I'm a sinner as well, and need forgiveness for my own sins.

I discussed my method with my therapist.
He said that it is not the route to serenity that he would use, but he could see how it could help me cope in the here and now.
None of his suggestions has helped me in any way.

On a separate note, I myself was sexually abused at a young age by an older neighbor boy and also by my older brother.
I've never felt any conscious animosity towards either of them about it, although I'm told by medical providers that it has significantly affected my life.
I have no idea why I feel no animosity about the sexual abuse.
I always just accepted it as something that happened.
I didn't like it when it happened, but never felt anger about it, mostly just fear and confusion.
Maybe I haven't fully processed it yet.
I just don't know.

I'm sorry that you had that experience and are consumed by it.
I'll pray for serenity for you.

[Savage_Wisdom]

Forgiveness does NOT mean absolving someone of guilt or punishment. It is merely releasing all that hurt, along with everything else that came with what happened to you. Forgiveness is giving yourself the permission to move on.

[venus1997]

No matter your religion you do not ever have to do anything you dont want to do. Its okay if you can't/dont want to forgive someone, especially for sexual abuse.

[Máiiréad]

You are human with trauma. Normal response, don't beat yourself up about it.

[TheBMG]

Yes, I try not to. It's just that after so many years of thinking it's was ok. That I had moved on. Then in one instant it's all back again. So much anger that came swelling up. I'm physically so much bigger than him now that I could have really hurt him, but I didn't. I just pray God understands. I guess as long as I am trying right?

[Máiiréad]

Yes, as long as you are self aware and trying.

[jshm2]

You're confused.

Forgiving doesn't mean you let them get away with their crimes. If he's done it with you, then he's done it with others, most likely.

Get yourself being his friend to get to the bottom of his crimes, so you can jail him.