boy do I feel lost...
I can't stand when people are phony and basically pay lip service to being Christians, but know I am hypocritical in many ways and feel super guilty about it... since my conscience weighs on me.
And never had a relationship... lots of waste of time dates though. I feel like women, even ones who say they are Christian just don't give me a chance. The older I am, the worse it feels.
I am doing okay career-wise, far better than I was even a year before the pandemic, but I've dreamed of political success for most of my life. Now the 2024 campaign is on the doorstep, and I realize I will not achieve my goal of being elected at 35... I haven't even gotten elected to anything yet. I wanted to be a Congressman in 2014 and then maybe a governor or senator in 2020... and these things have not come in to fruition. But really, I often feel very alone, like I only have so many friends and allies, and really not many nearby at all that I can see.. I live a pretty solitary life. Plus there is no way I could be a Democrat the way the party is now, and I've been treated awfully bad by a lot of folks in Republican politics.
And I am not living on my own because I have no idea where I want to live. I can financially afford it... but I am just so confused. I don't know what to do anymore. :/
