Search Results: being guarded

How I non violently silenced a BULLY: PART 1.

So, I can’t remember the quote exactly but the essence is — whatever junk you did to earn their ire, will end up in their books! “ I’m wayyyyy paraphrasing so don’t quote me 💦

& I’m def not referring to slander or gossip…more like a nudge in the direction of “STFU! $hitty stuff you do to other people in life, has consequences.”

Well, I grew up in Toulouse, with my great grandmother from age 4-7 and I loved her her friends loved me my friends loved me I loved them, life was beautiful. She passed, due to sone unfortunately ore planning by my actual parents- whom I never really knew-I fell into the hands of a psychologically imbalanced person and we both fell into poverty.

Coming from another culture another language having been gone schooled and encouraged to forge my own path & now living in constant anxiety bc of my guard tan, well, suffice to say, I was peculiar and poor & for some reason, this did not make me popular. 😂

After a few years of being the school “it girl” for all the wrong reasons- I’m 4th grade, I had attracted attention of a girl who just loved to hate me subsequent to her discovery that I had defined abs (1000 chores & a lean diet will do that 🤷🏻‍♀️) I became her pet project.

My strength is my obliviousness to pettiness bc it does not interest me & for some time, I was literal enough that for the most part her antics just flew right by me and I didn’t care. Eventually she realized subtly was not working AT ALL & became as obnoxious as can be….

I always had a very low threshold for irrational statements. I guess she figured this out snd did her best, & succeeded in getting under my skin. She would do ridiculous things that made no sense & were cruel so the combo was meant to be annoying snd humiliating, and it was. And she delivered this chaos over lunch where I was completely stuck with no exit option.

(continued part 2)

I tried something new. Soooo normally when I’m caught off guard by adversarial energy, I shut down and become very cold and mechanical saying nothing beyond what I’d be ready or I walk away.

But I think lately how most often anger is just frustration amplified by fear and how stuff I get and about is sweetly if every bc of sone deregulated onion about another person or bc I want to hold power over someone…

So when this lesson unexpectedly got and and yelled , which immediately triggered me but instead of shutting down, I paused smiled and said “if I do not get mad, or sad - bc I won’t I promise ✋🏼 will you tell me why you are upset?”

They actually calmed down and told me what the problem was! and it turned out it was miscommunication 😅 I’m totally going to employ this strategy more.

I normally avoid responding to people who I think are being disrespectful bc it seems like a feel weak position t more bad behavior by accommodating, but instead I felt very much in control kind & trust worthy. It was awesome 👏🏼

I am p1 he is p2

2 What is wrong? 😐

1 I guess I feel weird bc I took something that was honest and worried about the implications, even tho I AM usually the one who hates it when People read into stuff and I like it when people are honest so I was bothered by my reaction.

2 I forgive you 

(So I laughed but then I was still concerned he’d think I thought it was significant for some other reason so I re explained I was just caught off guard.)

2 I understand. We can start Over & just be clear.

(So then I was silent)

2 Soooo what are you thinking?

1 I don't know 🤷🏻‍♀️

2 You don’t know what you are thinking?

1 I don't know what to say 🤷🏻‍♀️

2 what do you want to say

1 I don't know 😂

2 Where does this leave us?🙂

1 I don't know

2 Can you say something other than “idk” —even if you need a few minutes 😆

(So I thought. Which was awkward bc it’s like he’s waiting so I turned around not facing him and thought)

( after I thought)

1 So… I like you, somewhat. 🧐

2 Thank you 😜 uhh sorry you are supposed to be talking 🤫

(So I continued…)

🤔 So I like you in some kind of way, and I _think_ I’d like to get to know you better, but I’m not ready to “date” and I take a LOOOONG time to adjust. It’s been an issue in the past. It isn’t personal it’s just how I am. If I do not want to hang out all it’s bc of how much time I need to decompress it’s not necessarily bc I do not like someone.

2 Can I ask a question?

1 OK but I’m not finished ☝🏼

2 Noted 🤓 Do I stresses you out?

1 No. that’s why I said “it’s not personal”

2 Oh yeah no I know, I know I heard you.

But I’m wondering other than that. Do I _personally_ stress you out.. bc i was kind of shocked at how quiet you were the last time we spent time together, compared to when we used to talk at the library.

CONTINUED*