Search Results: crush looking at me

30f and I really can’t tell if I’m inevitably single because I don’t want a relationship or it’s a case of self sabotage. Within the past few years, the only attention I’ve gotten from attractive guys were on dating apps. But that should be taken with a grain of salt, I feel like compared to the average woman, I don’t get attention from quality guys in person. I’m pretty shy and tend to speak when spoken to, on top of bad anxiety, I’ll say I question if women can relate to my lack of sex drive. I haven’t had sex since my early twenties/don’t masturbate and couldn’t care less if I died a virgin, will feel some kind of way if I’ve never found love though.

It’s as if I want the reassurance I’m desirable (from what seems like decent men) vs actually going out on dates, I’m insecure but wouldn’t just go for anyone that gives me the time of day. I just don’t get why it can’t ever go my way w/ the OLD apps, it’s likely bad luck but a pattern of: ghosting, fizzling out, the convo not flowing to my expectations & I dip out, just lack of interest (can go both ways) etc. I’m attracted to men, I really don’t think id date a woman but something about men at the same time turns me off (physically & personality wise). Like almost every woman I've known has been boy crazy since they were pre-teens and I never got it, I thought they were exaggerating or I was a late bloomer. Well here I am 2 decades later, my closest thing to boy crazy were celebrity crushes.

Am I looking for excuses to justify being single? Is it simply a case of being unlucky? Is there more to unpack here? Or is the right guy all it takes for it to fall into place?

I was chatting with my crush today and I may be reading too much into it, but I feel like he sort of inadvertently hinted that he finds me beautiful.

We were chatting about random stuff and we got onto the subject of makeup (random, I know). I was saying how I take makeup on holiday but I don’t really wear it that often. I then said (as a joke), “I like to think I’m naturally beautiful”

My crush then said, “exactly, exactly” but he avoided eye contact as he said it and he had a smile on his face.

There was a similar situation a month or so ago where he said he doesn’t like talking to other people because he can’t be bothered. I said, “I must be pretty awesome if you’re talking to me then” and he said “yes, absolutely, you passed the test with flying colours” and when he said this, he looked away smiling.

Does his reaction indicate that he thinks I’m beautiful?