Search Results: the urge to look at guys

I've had a crush on the same guy for almost 5 years. I had one or two minor crushes on the meantime, but nothing compared to what I feel for him. I tried to forget him but I can't. I don't even know what I like so much about him. He's not particularly handsome, or smart, our interests don't match... But still, I can't think straight when he smiles. I have this uncontrollable urge to look at him, talk to him, grab his attention. When he talks about other girls I feel terribly lost. Sometimes, I just wish to hear his voice or hold his hand, run my fingers through his hair. I tried forgetting him multiple times but I'm never interested in other guys. He's on my mind 24/7, specially ever since social isolation ended. Do I love him?

We were playing tennis, doubles with friends when my boyfriend got hit in the balls by the ball.
I obviously felt bad for him because I know it hurts guys but couldn't control my laugh because everyone was laughing.
I kneeled next to him and asked if he was ok. I tried to resist the urge to laugh while he was looking up to me.

He had been super mad at me since then and says no girl would find it funny if it was her boyfriend. I told him it wasn't really funny but I can't help because everyone laughed. So would you have laughed too? I'm gonna show him the answers on here

I just don’t understand how I fail to attract a man that I want. I know I’m only 26 but am 100% certain that I’ll end up alone. I know I’m not beautiful but should be able to attract a decent man. I’ve been on and off the dating apps for years with no success, here’s my luck: 1) the attractive guys are just flighty/want sex, 2) the decent looking guys that have a decent personality are just too short for my preference and 3) the ones with the good personalities are just not attractive. Why can’t I find a guy that’s tall, decent looking and not a dick? I mean I’m not morbidly obese, I’m thick but I thought there’s guys who dig that. Even a little slimmer, men did not talk to me. I lost a lot of weight 3 years ago assuming that would result in more attention From the opposite sex and it hasn’t. Is this common or is there just something terribly wrong with me? I don’t feel the urge to have casual sex, I don’t really care for sex much at all. I don’t even masturbate, the only guy that I ever “dated” was just not attractive and I was so angry that I couldn’t get better. I’m glad that ended, I know my worth. I’d rather be alone then settle and be miserable, I live by that.