Straight Guys Being Friends With Girls Is Very Possible And It's Way More Common Than You Think!

[Aiko_E_Lara]

This Mytake is just a response to this Mytake: Why it’s almost impossible for men and women to be “just friends” because I just got blocked as soon as I just gave an argument.

I'm talking about true friendship not the kind of "friendship" like "waiting for her to agree to date him". But really those guys are just assumed to be gays so that no true Scotsman fallacy just gives it that illusion that makes it look like straight men can't be just friends with women. Even tho there had be lots of men claiming it's true that they truly are friends, they just get doubted and just assumed most of the time even without any real proof. If men have to prove they're just friends, they can always use absence as an evidence. Something you can't see.

I know there are researches about it so people can easily say it's true because "science said so" But I did read those researches. But so far, they're based on interviews so how are we supposed to know if those interviews were real? Chances are they may be talking about the kind of girl they can't be friends with. But they may also have other girls they don't really desire but just really fun to talk to. I'll also admit there are girls I crush on and hurts to be just friends with her but other girls I don't get the same feeling but they are just nice to hang out with. So that doesn't make them any less heterosexual/asexual because they don't desire on men and do have sexual urges. So if you wanna say "guys can't be friends with women" You're assuming that guys find every women they meet sexually attractive even tho there are many girls guys also don't find sexually attractive. There are also a lot of cases where a guy rejects someone who crushes on him but lots of times, just stays friends with her. So yeah if you wanna base things on your experience then that's just your experience. Here's a fact. You've never met most guys in the world and you can't read their minds so there's no way the researchers have been able to gather them all.

The whole notion is basically like "My sister is a girl so we can't be siblings anymore because I might get turned on or something" But of course you're just gonna say "It's rare to feel sexually attracted to your sister" then guess what other men feel about their female friends? It's just like that.

But even if you talk about most guys having that 1 specific female friend he can't be friends with, it doesn't mean it's the same feelings for the rest of his female friends where there are more than 1 of them so those female friends they don't have feelings on outweighs the female friend they can't be friends with so it turns out it's not so common as you think. So if they're talking about that kind of girl, that may also be not the same for other girls. So in an interview, they may just be talking about one girl as a example, people can easily generalize that all of his friends are like that as it gives it that illusion.

And one more thing. All heterosexual women have at least 1 or more crushes on a male friend as well but it doesn't mean it's the same for the rest. So that's not only a man thing. It's a human thing.

[Anonymous]

I agree, it is very easy. In fact, I have best friends right now that we dated, decided to just be friends and attended each others weddings back in the day.

I had friends who we were so close, you would of thought it could of become sexual but never did... one friend had no problem changing and letting me see her in the nude but she had a boyfriend and I supported that and would never had made a move. She would not have accepted either, she was just very 'free and open' and didn't mind showing her stuff off to anyone. She also trusted me not to make a move or hurt her.

She ended up marrying her boyfriend.

It is BS that they can't be friends, I have had female friends come back later though and say, they choose wrong. Divorced or getting divorced and they should of tried for me instead. Hind sight is 20/20 though and its too late now.

Often friendships can change to romance or romance to just friends and it isn't an issue. At work some of my friends are also friends outside of work.

Just once you get married, you tend to do couple stuff instead of one on one single stuff.

[alleon]

That would be a cool friendship

[Opinion Owner]

@alleon I was, she has since moved away though so not really in contact too much anymore... but still sometimes if we happen to be going that way.

[DaveJord]

So like started you became friends with a women you "dated" first and became friends later... changed naked infront of you, but she had a boyfriend.

So let me ask, if had the chance and one of these female friends wanted to have sex with you and you were available, and totally unattached... would you do it?

While that girl was changing in front of you did get a bone? If she turned to answer said I want sex from you right not, would you not of done it?

[Opinion Owner]

@DaveJord We went on one date, then became friends... she did have a boyfriend but she would change at her parents house in her room, she'd tell me to come in so we could talk while she was getting ready.

We did go skinny dipping once that summer and she did make fun of me for getting hard, but no we never did it... we were just friends and that would of been weird. Plus I really did not want to ruin the friendship or cause issues. Looking back she probably wanted me to make a move, but I'll never know as I would not have wanted to lose her as a friend at the time.

[bolverk]

Men and women can be close friends without it ever becoming sexual, the ones I have are like members of my family and they have been since beginning senior school (13-16 in the UK) We've been there for each other when we've both needed physical or emotional support.
And before anyone jumps to conclusions I'm heterosexual and had a fair number of girlfriend's through my life, I do not think of my female friends that way they are too important to me.

[DaveJord]

So your saying you had female friends that you wouldn't have sex with if they wanted to?

[bolverk]

@DaveJord I do not want to loose what we already have, as once you have sex with a female friend then they can never go back to being a friend, I value them as they are right now and they know that.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

@DaveJord It's ironic when you complain about looking for validations when you yourself go around trying to change people's minds in a post that isn't even yours.

[Anonymous]

Even the premise of this question is socially toxic and pathetic.

I've slept with 16 girls and dated 14 of them - I still talk to 12 of them, and I have 6 other female friends I've been friends with for years, and the main motivation was never sex. I'm friends with most of my exes still. This disgusting thinking that the only reason to talk to the opposite sex if you're straight is sex - this wasn't even true 200 years ago. Nobles and royals spoke to each other often, and not even woman was just "oh another prospect for marriage" even back when women weren't treated as much more than breeding tools and maids. Hell even in places where women ruled like Cleopatra, plenty of friends she had that were men she did not sleep with (though she surely fucked a lot of them lol)

This kind of thinking has never been true, it was developed by ignorant shallow fools over generations, and I'd call it a kind of cryptic misogyny. Or Misandry. I had a guy get almost violent with me because I was chatting a girl who was working at a kiosk because the girl was 15. I hadn't even said anything sexual. But because I am a man this person who was not even related to her thought he would say something. I made it pretty clear what would happen next if he didn't walk away. Ended up with me beating this man publicly til he was unconscious. He deserved it. Gladly would have gone to jail over it.

This kind of thinking... It's disgusting. I have female friends from ages 15-40 and most of them there is no romantic interest or even sexual interest. 2 years later I'm still friends with that girl, brought a few girls from my college and went to a festival with her and two of her friends. It was cool.
Anyway, regardless i'd say anyone who would support something like the premise of this question, there is no way you came to that conclusion logically, and I'd dismiss you on the spot for your bigoted beliefs. I'd have nothing to do with you. Thankfully though, I understand however you are claiming that yes it's more common to have friends of the sex you're interested in without it being about sex. Good on you.

Those saying the contrary are scum in my eyes. Same goes for people who believe in "bro code" or "half your age plus seven that's the rule!" F off. Keep your bigoted opinions to yourself and stay out of other people's business. A person's word is little to anyone, just as another person's should be little to them. Frankly i'd say 6/10 shouldn't breed or seek marriage even, and I personally wouldn't breed or marry either. Though regardless the point is in a free society you have the freedom to make your own decisions and choose your lifestyle, anyone that would try to force you to do otherwise, well, if you ask me that person gets whatever retaliation that comes, well deserved.

Example: I generally view sex work as filth, though my best friend who's 29 is dating a 20 year old OnlyFans model with 1 million followers on instagram. That's his decision. I'll tell him straight up what I think if he asks, but it's his decision, and as much as I am against her lifestyle and his decision, i'd be willing to kill or die to defend his right to make those decisions. What I think doesn't matter. And I keep my mouth shut unless asked. It's his business.


"I may not agree with what you do or say but would defend to the death your right to do so." - That's the humane stance to have for anyone who believes in freedom and pursuit of happiness.

[Explorer91]

Yea I don’t believe men can be friends with men. Not in the true sense of what it means to develop, grow and nurture a friendship. I think they can be temporary friends with women. For like a season. But not ongoing.
i have had many male friends in my 20s. But I knew that if I wanted to be with them they would be with me. In fact the reason for the friendship in the first place was generally that they had asked me out or wanted me and I said let’s just be friends and we stayed friends for years, knowing they were secretly wanting me but never able to ever admit it again. But I could feel it. But acted ignorant to it. Because I truly did want to be their friends and I secretly hoped they could just get over their desire for me one day if we just kept staying friends.
i stopped having male friends as I realised it will never be truly a friendship because at end of day. It’s not a balanced connection. If someone secretly wants you. They aren’t your friend. They are your secret admirer. Well not so secret, they just thought I couldn’t tell.

[Explorer91]

Men can be friends with women*

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Then you're only talking about your experience. We don't live in a society where everyone is so free so that's why we socialize. And it's not always the case where men find all women attractive nor vice versa of all the population in the world so you can't assume it's really impossible.

[Explorer91]

Yes it’s my experience. I have an average body but a very nice face. I suspect that plays a factor in it. It’s almost impossible for a male to view me as a friend. And even more impossible for any girlfriend they have to ever allow them to spend time with me as true friends would. If people can’t hang out one on one I don’t see that as a true friendship,

[Explorer91]

But I also feel if men aren’t attracted to a woman they don’t want to waste their time. They want to spend that energy finding women to be around they are attracted to. I don’t feel many men want female friends If they aren’t attracted to her. It’s like I feel most would rather have male friends or try to talk to girls they do find attractive.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Then you can just speak for yourself if you say it's just your experience because not everyone experience things like you do. And if you are really going to doubt me or me mytake, you're also the one saying you have an average body and a nice face and with all your anecdotes so you don't expect me to believe you when you yourself is just going to doubt my mytake while you can't even speak for yourself. Also, since when is it a waste of time? Last i check waste of time is works differently for everybody. You can say we are wasting time befriending someone but i can also say you're wasting time doing something you like to do nobody cares about that you so call "not a waste of time" but in the end you are not always so sure that they are friends just because they are the opposite gender. It could be the same reason why guys are friends with guys and girls are friends with girls. If you truly say it is impossible because attraction can happen then wouldn't it be the case that bisexuals cannot come friends? Because all you do is assume anyways.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

*Bisexuals cannot have friends

[Explorer91]

I think the majority of men do not look for platonic female friendships. I think the majority of men put their energy into women they can date or women they can sleep with, I don’t think that’s just my opinion. I think that’s the reality. I understand if that’s not how you see the world. I do believe some men can feel the way you feel. I just don’t think it’s common. That’s all I’m saying.

[Explorer91]

Attaining sex isn’t easy for a lot of men. People have limited time and energy. If sex isn’t that easy to attain for the average man. I find it hard to believe they would waste a lot of that limited effort and energy in putting into effort with women they can’t get sex from or don’t want sex from. It just isn’t going to be the norm.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

You "think" but in reality, you've never met most men in the world. If you're alive and claim so, you're lying. That's the reality not what you "think". And what's so "waste of time and energy" if it's actually something they just like to do? Like what I said, it's just like men being friends with men. What's so "waste of energy" when it comes to that? You still dodged my question tho. I even asked if bisexuals can have friends but you just wanna keep repeating what you "think" hoping that would actually validate you.

[RandoMcDando]

Oh this is horribly cynical. To be brutally honest, it seems as though you indulged in some self-serving behaviour with these "friendships". If they've asked you out and you suggested just being friends in order to keep them around, you were being disingenuous and probably sending them mixed signals.

I must ask, were there any friends of yours that hadn't asked you out as a catalyst to this friendship? And if so, are you absolutely sure this guy had feelings for you? Your assumption that you're too attractive to be friends with may be influencing your perspective.

I've had a friend like you, a work colleague for whom I bore absolutely no romantic feelings (I actually fancied someone else we worked with, someone more feminine), and I heard through people more than once that she thought I wanted her. I stopped hanging out with her for that reason. I couldn't confront her about it because that would have played into her massively egotistical world.

[DaveJord]

All I can say is that I never had a girl that I was friends with, I mean real friends without any underlying sexual tension on my part. What I mean by that is, if the conditions were right and the situation presented itself... yeah I would do it.

I have coworkers, "work friends", that were women. I have had ladies that I am friendly with, ... but I never have had girl as a real friend type of BFF that I was not physically attracted to. I tried but it was to frustrating deal with the underlying sexual attraction and not be able to act on it. So I stopped hanging around.

So that's just me... is it possible I guess, just not in my experience. But I suspicious of these guys that clam to be just friends with these super hot women, and act like they are blind to it. As if they would not act on an opportunity if they had it because they value the relationship they have too much.

With that said... I am totally willing to admit its possible for some guys, just not me.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Because there are women who are hot to you but not hot to someone else. Beauty is subjective. If you get suspicious everytime then you just cannot really speak for yourself

[DaveJord]

@Aiko_E_Lara again I am always going put more interest and investment into a Romantic interest. And I am always looking for that... so being friends with women and valuing that ti level you do tells me you don't have any real Romantic relationship going on.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

That's why I tell you to speak for yourself. Because not everything have to involve romance. You can be a successful person by being friends with anyone doesn't matter if they're boys or girls or any race. There's no romance in socializing

[Anonymous]

Wait one second here... I'm a bit unhappy that anyone would actually think that gay men could in any way be thought to be considered to ever be friends with a gender that they actually tend to despise. Gay men have no interest in women, they like and prefer to be with men... Women have nothing to offer them that they even want. Hell, they are actually their competition and will subvert you if they are in any way interested in your man.

So, of course straight men can be friends with women... do you really think that men can't freaking control themselves around women? You do realize just how many women we with daily... our mother, sisters, peers and even co-workers? So, how in the hell can it be so surprising that we actually enjoy having women as our friends and more than capable of keeping it as just friends? Yeah, I actually value the perspectives of all the women that I consider my friends, I find them to be very enlightening on a subject that I do have a vested interest in... and that is Women.

[JennyDunne]

100% agree so much. It is such a false dichotomy of this ‘every guy that says he just wants to be friends is actually lying therefor guys and girls can’t be friends”
I’ve had a few male friends whom I crushed on so bad, told them and was rejected. Then when we remained friends people still said ‘they probably are just pretending to be friends and actually really like you’. Like no. They had many opportunities to be more than friend, this is his choice. I am the friend zoned here.

(Just to be clear, I know there's this thing about girls giving really subtle hints, thats not what we are talking about. I mean horribly sober desperate expressions of feels being met with reasons why we would be a bad couple)

[wonderfulstation404]

you friend zoning yourself only proves more that guys and girls can't be friends... when same gender become friend they don't normally have any goal or objectives in mind while you had a crush on the dude at first who know if your just he's friend waiting for a green light form him lmfao.
I've been there too don't take it personally lol

[Aiko_E_Lara]

@wonderfulstation404 That's only her case but if it's my case, when did I say i'm friend zoning myself when i just simply said I'm not attracted to most women but only certain ones i really like? So by default, i have to love that women or i'll friendzone myself that's basically what you're saying which is another strawman argument. She's friendzoned but that's not the case of every guys. But still even if you're friendzoned, it's "friendzoned". It has friendship in it and a friendship like that can work. Like what I said in my other comment, you can't read anyone's minds. Some relationship don't even work so they break up and remain friends, because if they ever be in a relationship like she changed her mind, chances are he moved on and the relationship may not work after thinking of why he was friendzoned in the first place. Ofcourse you'll never really think of that. Because I strongly disagree and proven my point, you don't have to take my mytake so seriously.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

@wonderfulstation404 You still haven't answered my other question. Can Bisexuals have friends? ↗

[JennyDunne]

@wonderfulstation404 I didn’t friendzone myself, he friendzoned me, that was the point. He didn’t have any goals or objectives. Maybe I did, but the point is that someone can come into a friendship with no ulterior motives and it has nothing to do with gender.
I could keep arguing but the thing I can’t get past is just how sad it is that you really think that. I see so many guys (on here particularly) who seem to be so lonely, and yet their holding up this lie about how they can’t be friends with most people they meet because their needs to be some goal

[wonderfulstation404]

he didn't have any goals but you did it goes both ways like magnets... i not the type that only get happy when in relationships so yeah you can nickname me mr lonely your labeling doesn't bug me lmfao.
i said you friend-zoned yourself cuz your the one keeping yourself in the friend zone he's not obligated to love you just like how you're not obligated to be his friend either you... if you're in a friend zone just cut out the friendship lol is it that hard... yes it's not the best feeling but he's not the only handsome guy on planet man.

[wonderfulstation404]

@JennyDunne
also about your "Just to be clear, I know there's this thing about girls giving really subtle hints..." statement yes you might be a bad couple but regardless being "friends" wasn't your Main objective was it lol... or it's a coincidence that lots of opposite gender friends tend to go through this too right it's all coincidences? lmfao man y'all are really funny

[Aiko_E_Lara]

What i also find funny is that you're answering the bisexual question like away explain to you about other guys to other girls not who they crush on. What also a coincidence that they're also lot of males being friends with males and females being friends with females. But maybe according to you their main objective is to be gays.

[DaveJord]

@wonderfulstation404 again you crushed... they might nor want to have sex with you... but if you could would have sex with them?

[DaveJord]

Would you?

[Aiko_E_Lara]

@DaveJord You can't really read anyone's mind so you there's no way for you to find out if that person finds that person attractive sexually or not.

[Curmudgeon]

A Straight Man's simple guide to "The Friendzone":

Should you maintain the friendship? Is there anything on a non-romantic level that appeals to you about her? Intellect? Hobbies? Professionally?

(A very good sample question to ask yourself here is: Can you ever see yourself doing business with her? Could you see her as your Realtor? Your Attorney? I am using examples from my professional dealings.)

If the answer is YES, maintain the friendship.
If the answer is NO, and you really just want her physically, then politely say goodbye.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

This has nothing to do with friendzone. There are guys who chose to be friends with girls not involving friendzone. As i have used that sister example. And yes and they may fantasize their friends but really do you know? Girls do that as well but how do you know? This is like the friendzone version of "guilty until proven innocent you presume guys to cannot be friends with girls until he proved he isn't.

[cth96190]

It is possible, but I suspect not when men are young.
I have had a house guest since February. I call her my friend without benefits.
She is my lawyer (a barrister, actually) who, through a complicated set of circumstances, found herself in need of somewhere to live after a relationship failure.
I offered her one of my spare bedrooms.
The benefit for me is that, between the two of us, there is someone in the house almost 24/7 and my cats and dogs will be fed whether or not I am home.
She is in my age. During her youth she was spectacularly beautiful and still looks fantastic for her age.
She is one of the few people on the planet to whom I would give the description 'friend'.
She also speaks with a strong South African accent, which lights my fire. The accent is so. . . menacing. - lol

[Cherry234]

I agree with your take. There are always going to be people who will say that men and women can't be just friends. I remember one of my cousins said he went to a friend's wedding. She was getting married and she invited him. They were both in the same pre med program. I also have a good friend I made in one of my classes. It was an awful class but if I didn't take that class I'm not sure I would have ever met him.

Now I'm thankful for taking that class because that's the only good thing that came out of it - making a new friend. He's not even my best friend. I have no feelings for him whatsoever and he doesn't have any feelings for me either. We're both almost done with college so we're going to be graduating together at the end of the semester. in my opinion only ignorant people will say that men and women can't be friends

[Richardhoard]

I am making a good salary from home $1200-$2500/week , which is amazing, under a year back I was jobless in a horrible economy. I thank God every day I was blessed with these instructions and now it's my duty to pay it forward and share it with Everyone,

Here is what I do... 𝐓𝐨𝐩𝟔𝐣𝐨𝐛𝐬.𝐜𝐨𝐦

[pickedcrisps]

I disagree because if I know I would be slightly off-put by my lady hanging around with other guys especially drinking, unless they were genuinely good friends and respectable company, then no.

Likewise, name me any woman who wouldn't feel the slightest bit of a fraction of being in an auto reaction of feeling 'uneasy' of their man hanging out alone with other women especially with alcohol or a dinner group function that's not professional but casual in nature.

Recipes for indefility. And the irony is what they all actually think automatically and swiftly: "why isn't he/she inviting me along?"

You know 😃😝😦😦🤔🤔🤔

[Aiko_E_Lara]

That's because you cannot speak for yourself but however not everyone is like you.

[pickedcrisps]

True. Lucky I'm so special then. I must be. God bless ☮️

[pickedcrisps]

And I thank God everyday and all the deities and spirits and supernatural beings 🤗🤗

[pickedcrisps]

Even the Devil and Grim Reaper I thank every day along with god the good god above too and maybe even the good lordy Lord 🥳🙏🙏🙏

[HellGeist]

TL;DR.

Nah, just kidding. I read it, but I don't agree.

Lol, you got blocked by the dude because you called me a fuckboy for disagreeing with you and you caused a fight.

You should have just posted something like this instead and been mature about it from the start, and there would have been zero issues.

I don't agree, but different kinds of inputs and POV are interesting, and sometimes I like debating and discussing differences.

You're entitled to your own opinions, just don't attack people.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

I mean I'm just glad a moron presumptuous from the start actually blocked me. That's like a self solving problem. Also i may disagree with anyone in here but non of them hastily conclude they're all gays if they're friends with girls. I can also say you're entitled to your opinions but just don't make presumptions out of anyone because you don't even know that person.

[HellGeist]

You're a confused person. I did not make any real presumptions of anyone.

The one who brought up homosexuality was the guy that blocked you. The one who's comment you attacked.

I agreed with the general idea of what the commenter you attacked was saying. I did not take what he said literally.

Also, what he posted wasn't something to you or about you either.

I dunno if you're gay or not, but the fact that YOU immediately lashed out and took it personally out of the blue and got (reeee, as you said) offended says more about YOU than it does about us.

You need to learn to control your emotions.

We didn't even know who you were, but you came in swinging immediately with shaming language by saying we were desperate for women.

Then I pushed back without insulting you and you said:

"That's your opinion because you just don't like to be respected and get treated like a fuccboi."

Then him and I both told you off for talking shit to us. That's all. In that order.

In reality, no one presumed anything about you.

We didn't know you existed until you starting being a spastic to us for not agreeing with a position we didn't know you had.

Even if either of us HAD presumed anything about you, that doesn't give you the excuse to insult us in the manner you did.

Learn to watch your damn mouth and do not insult those who are not even talking about or to you.

People are allowed to express themselves here without having to kowtow to you.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Are you that ignorant of the situation? Tell me who was it who agreed with that by making assumptions in the first place? Also i wasn't even talking to you at the first reply but you got all defensive for that guy so the pretty much imply you two just agreed with one thought that im arguing here. If you just really agree with a general idea then why do you have to be so defensive when i wasn't even talking to you? Now you see, that is when a person should learn how to control their emotions. And as for you whining "you're insulting me" for a criticism not even for you from the start. If people are allowed to express themselves then that is basically what i'm doing.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

*who agreed with who is making assumptions in the first place

Also for your information i'm not even gay. So there i can say as a straight man saying it, it is possible. But it's already predictable enough that you would just try to minimize that situation just for advantage, silencing actual straight guys who do admit that it is possible by just calling them gays anyways. Again strawman argument.

[joeldalton]

The whole notion is basically like "My sister is a girl so we can't be siblings anymore because I might get turned on or something" But of course you're just gonna say "It's rare to feel sexually attracted to your sister" then guess what other men feel about their female friends? It's just like that.

No - you aren't attracted sexually to your siblings because of the Westermark Effect. A vast majority of guys who are "friends" with girls would take that girl up on a sexual advance she would make.

So yes, if a girl can understand and accept that a male friend "would" fuck her should the opportunity arise, but at the same time isn't pining for her or secretly pursuing a relationship, then yes... men and women can be friends.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Then those guys who are just friends with other girls also have the same feeling as a Westermark Effect. Why are you speaking for most guys when you haven't even met most of them? Even if they do tell you, they also maybe talking about the specific kinds of girls he is friends with not the rest which gives a higher chance of outweighing who he crushes on.

[joeldalton]

You're speaking for most guys.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Well this is a counter argument. Also no one would show hastily if they truly crush on their friends so by default, what we see is friendship which is what's presumed. So do you presume guys are criminals just because most are guys? Your presumption is like the "guilty until proven innocent"

[joeldalton]

You can be willing to have sex with someone you're not "crushing" on. Hence the prevalence of one-night-stands.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Then that's why "friends with benefits" exist. But just because anyone fantasizes something, that doesn't mean they would do it. And if they would do it, how would you exactly know if they're really fantasizing their friends? That "Westermark Effect" can still be present in guys.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

If wan't me to prove they're not fantasizing their female friends, I can always use absence as an evidence.

[NoUsernameSelected]

Friendship between straight men and women work if:
- There are no romantic feelings for each other
- Both are already in a relationship
- They were in a relationship and there are no romantic feelings left.

There is no "Just be friends". If someone told you he/she is attracted to you, saying no and keeping them around is just cruel. You are NOT a friend if you are fine with your friend's suffering just because you want to keep them around. A real friend would tell them that it's better for both to stop being friends because they don't want to hurt the other party unnecessarily.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

You're basically just gave conditions saying that it is possible which is what my mytake is all about. It's all subjective if they get hurt or not and it's always up for them if they accept it or not. No one is forcing anyone to be just friends with someone. Those who accept the friendship just doesn't feel that way so maybe just speak for yourself

[NoUsernameSelected]

When people typically ask for if men and women can have a friendship it is while someone has romantic interest in the other.

So 90% of the time it's NO.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Because you're assuming it's 90% of the time as if you can read anyone's minds. Or you just can't speak for yourself

[NoUsernameSelected]

I didn't assume it - that's why I made the 3 points when it can happen.
I'm just telling you that when people say women and men can't be friends - it is automatically added that at least one is romantically interested. You exactly know this. Everyone assumes this when you pose the question. It shouldn't be that much of a shock to you.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

You assumed it. That's why I also made a point. It's in fact no one can read anyone's minds and another point would be you've never met most people in the world to actually confirm. You automatically assume they get feelings for each other. All you can do is give anecdotes. While you can give your own anecdotes, so can i.

[NoUsernameSelected]

> You assumed it.
I literally didn't. Read my first post.

> It's in fact no one can read anyone's minds and another point would be you've never met most people in the world to actually confirm.
That's rich coming from someone that dismissed science in the first sentence of his third paragraph. It's true that I haven't done a peer reviewed study to dismiss your points. But when we are at the level of throwing around sources... I will just dismiss everything you said because you don't have sources. Is that the level you want? Than let's just stop here.

>You automatically assume they get feelings for each other.
Nope I didn't. I said they can't be friend if there are romantic feelings. And I said they could be friends if there are none. In fact the first point I made in my first answer.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Then you assumed it. Ready my first reply.

It's also rich coming from someone making up their own statistics. You wanted to prove it wrong yet you also never gave any sources. Even if you do give, there's a big chance you can't even prove it's real.

Then if you didn't then you wouldn't make up your own statistics saying it's 90% of the time. Also you basically admitted it from the start that it's possible with conditions like not being attracted to each other. So it's not like anyone can just magically be attracted to each other of all the people in the world.

Also tho, if that's your logic, then that means bisexuals can't have friends 90% of the time but you're just gonna dismiss the fact that a lot of them do have friends because of your own notions.

[NoUsernameSelected]

You admitted the research is against you and questioned it. Have you read anything you wrote?

Yes I said that if they aren't attracted to each other it works.
You repeating that constantly and trying to sneak in that it would work otherwise is what I disagree with. If you want to hurt yourself, go ahead and do it. That's not my problem. If I had a friend that was romantically interested in me I would cut them off immediately. Because as a friend, I don't want to see my friends get hurt. Otherwise I wouldn't be their friend, I would be an emotional abuser.

I'm not bisexual so I can't speak for their experience.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

However i never said it's always possible. I'm saying it's very possible. Big difference. More like, have you read anything i wrote?

So you admitted it. Which means it's still very possible as what my mytake is all about. I never said anything about it being a guarantee it will work. While there you are guaranteeing that "If you wanna hurt yourself, go ahead and to it" like that's the assumption im talking about.

If you're not a bisexual then you're also not another person. So still can't speak for anyone.

[Xylem1992]

I don't know what you were trying to convey as your reasons. Not the best written mytake.

Guys who have female friends usually are sexually attracted to them as well. It's just something you can't prove obviously, its just life experience. I don't expect you to believe me but at least keep an open mind. Some of these "friendship"s can cause a lot of drama.

I can't say guys and girls being friends is impossible. It does happen; but its rare. As you get older and sexual drive diminishes, it's less rare.

[Rupp87]

As a straight guy i can say girls make great friends the only drawback is some women you date can be intimidated by that or see it as you're a player the distinction that they are a friend should be well defined but either way women offer a sensitivity guy friends lack. Females can be insightful, funny and smart i also would love to add they make for great bar hopping partners as well.

[Elektros]

I'm not sure I have ever had a female friend I didn't feel attracted to. OTOH, when they don't express interest that way I am happy to be friends. My oldest friend is a girl, and we met when we were far to young to have sexual feelings, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to making some kind of a pass at her when we were in our teens, although this lasted about five minutes, literally. I've been married a long time now, and she is on her second husband, but we are still friends, and I hope we always will be.

[wonderfulstation404]

man straight men and women are like magnets... if a guy doesn't like the girl the Female would probably do some to get the guy vice-versa.
I've had some female friends too whom i told were friends from the beginning and they were happy with that but later we started going out on a date... lol is that really friendship?
in a class, the hottest dude or girl can hardly find any opposite gender friend that has no intention of getting along with them in the future it doesn't work like that man.
apart from religious constraints, cultural and societal constraints if they can do it with the opposite gender with zero consequences from all of the constraints mentioned above then yeah trust me almost everybody would be sleeping with their opposite gender friends period.
and at that point, the question to really ask is why not lol

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Another anecdotal explanation. If you really like to say almost everyone then i won't believe you actually met most people in the world. If you are assume it's because of religion why some people just remain friends with opposite gender then i can also just assume that that is a western mindset to think that way and also i can say because mental illness is an epidemic in the west making them insecure and narrow minded thinking men and women cannot be friends also because they are antisocial a lot of times and desperate for sex. But if it a mental illness then it is not normal for your talking about not normal people then. only you're just normalizing it because it is an epidemic there. So yes it is an assumption and if you want me to prove that men and women can be just friends then i can use absence as an evidence. Because just looking at anyone you don't see them one wanting sex at first glance. Unless you're just a low life who have all the time to spy on everyone

[wonderfulstation404]

@Aiko_E_Lara LMFAO man you have issues with religion or what? i said "apart from religious constraints, cultural and societal constraints" so the cultural and societal constraints don't contribute to this?
you know what if you want to know if guys and girls can be friends or not just tell your female friend to ask her other guy friends to come over her place and sleep or to start dating and see if the guys will refuse... just because you started calling a cat a lion doesn't makes it a lion man... a guy and girl only won't be interested with the opposite gender friends of theirs that isn't hot or attractive enough man... what the fuck... if your femlae friends is full of ugly girls ill agree with whta you're saying but i know its not even possible so please go get something else to do and stop lying to yourself

[Aiko_E_Lara]

No and i'm still saying religion is not even the only one restraining anyone from sleeping with each other but simply because not everyone is always compatible. I also mean that societal constraints because there are just a lot and we all don't have the energy to fuck all women. Also that example you're talking about to tell a guy to date my female friend, it's not even always the same result because some do and some don't. And i can also say i've tried telling lots of my guy friends as well and lots of them just refuse. Why? Because unlike the west which is not a surprise that mental illness is such an epidemic that you're all so insecure making you so narrow minded about men and women being friends and desperate as well. Oh and insecurity and mental illness is not even normal. So with that being said, speak for yourself.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Oh and if i'm not attracted to her, that means she's ugly to me? Well that's a straw man argument. We all know beauty is subjective so just calling someone "ugly" just simply means she's not your type despite she's not even considered one by societal standards. So how about you stop lying to yourself?

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Can Bisexuals have friends? ↗ I just made this question and I really love not so much of those bigots are showing up in here. I guess this question just backfires their own logic.

[wonderfulstation404]

@Aiko_E_Lara
yes there are a lot of societies and each of us grew up in one or the other it's that simple, i was on talking about sleeping with the so-called " female friends " not all of the women on earth man WTF.
the west don't give a damn about 1 culture 2 religion 3 Society for most of them is all about "me and myself " so you me and your friends too its probably of these constraints that are the reason we're not like them either without them even you and me would most likely behave in similar Manner and would've been stupid not to lol...
i want to know do you think it's Normal for your sisters or one on yoour female family to have only male friends? if your answer is yet then yeah... may God help you man!

[wonderfulstation404]

*if your answer is yes then...
and it's really funny for you as a guy to be arguing about this lol... don't worry you'll understand when you get older

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Yes it's also the case for female friends. Guys don't sleep with them because there are multiple factors why they're friends and it's not only limited to societal constrains and religion. I even used that sister example.

"The whole notion is basically like "My sister is a girl so we can't be siblings anymore because I might get turned on or something" But of course you're just gonna say "It's rare to feel sexually attracted to your sister" then guess what other men feel about their female friends? It's just like that."

But the question is how do you know what's going on in guys minds when having a female friend? Sorry to break it to you but you're not a mind read nor a psychic and you've never met even most of the guys in the world. And why does it always have to mean that just because someone has a friend of an opposite gender, meaning all of them are the opposite gender? Because you can't ever think of someone having a sister having male friends and female friends. Kinda like if your sister or a brother has a dog, you don't normalize it because Hitler likes dogs. For making generalizations and straw man arguments like that, may God help you.

[wonderfulstation404]

@Aiko_E_Lara
man answer the last question ((i want to know do you think it's Normal for your sisters or one on your female family to have only male friends?)) why are running around the bush lol...
just cause you think in a certain way, you think every single guy out there is like that lol jokes on you man

[wonderfulstation404]

i had and still have female friends but there's still some intentions behind them lol (I've been in friend zones and i have friend-zoned some also) i know exactly what im talking about that isn't not pure really friendship man...

[Aiko_E_Lara]

I have to ask the reason first. If she says it's because men are attractive, they're nicer then that's going to be suspicious because she "ONLY" has male friends. But chances are it may only a be a coincidence because her male friends all shared the same common interests and if that's the reason, i'd say it's normal.

Now answer this Can Bisexuals have friends? ↗

And also, why does it always mean just because she has some male friends meaning all her friends must be male?

So you think you're not dodging any questions? It's like you're taunting someone for running away while you're under your security blanket. Jokes on you

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Then if you know what you're talking about, then you should know those are anecdotes so there for you can go speak for yourself. Because i also say i've been friendzoned and we remained friends. I got over her and i don't see her thesame anymore but just friends. Maybe it's because I'm not a weakling like you who can't speak for themselves.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Also unlike you, i don't simply get salty when friendszoned because I like the girl the way they are. Not because she's only "hot" that someone i'd just smash. So yeah with that being said, when a guy is friends with a girl, why is the reason to you is always because she's a girl? What if it's not because she's a girl? You see, that's what I meant about you jumping to conclusions as if you're a mind reader. I instead think of other possibilities instead of being insecure like you.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

here's another anecdote for you tho. I have a female friend and she looks "decent" at least for me but i can see how she is attractive. But because I'm only friends with her, it's because she's ugly right? But how come she has a boyfriend now if she's really ugly? I'm still her friend tho and friends with her boyfriend as well. So yeah it's not really my fault your social life sucks,

[wonderfulstation404]

"why is the reason to you is always because she's a girl?"
man please what's wrong with you? Obviously, part of the reason that she a female too stands a man especially when they have nothing it'll just befor their potential opportunity to be with the girl for her beauty etc.
" I have a female friend and she looks "decent" at least for me but i can see how she is attractive." man fuck off with you're uncertainty man... you keep moving the goal posts "yeah she's decent , oh yeah this is how attractive she is but she's decent but she's still gorgeous"...
"But how come she has a boyfriend now if she's really ugly?"
you again: "Well that's a straw man argument. We all know beauty is subjective... "

society's beauty standards may have an effect on you but it's not like going to stop people from going for what they find beautiful man, you said it yourself "beauty is subjective" who cares about any fucking Society. The society isn't going to live with your wife!
" I'm still her friend tho and friends with her boyfriend as well"
that's just great! so do you tell her boyfriend when you guys are going to Mumbai for a trip or something of that sort too? how often do you come over her place when her boyfriend isn't around for hanging out or go out eating together just like Normal friends do?
like i said there are always exceptions to the rule. but the majority knows it's not a guys best interest to have a Female friend if it's platonic. Check out the below video and skip the time to 1:08:27 to save some time and come back to reply.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA9RkNwyt-w

[wonderfulstation404]

@Aiko_E_Lara
"i don't simply get salty when friends zoned" well i don't pretend like i being friends with her was my main objective when we became friends.
tell me what kind of friendship is it that you'll see them living like couples kissing and all that? me it's the hypocrisy that i hate. if you're on that logic too i don't know what kind of life you want to live man... IF YOU DON'T STAND FOR SOMETHING YOU'LL FALL FOR EVERYTHING.
the main reason im saying you can't be friends with the opposite sex it's because its not genuine its for a reason/cause. and once the female friend that friend-zoned her guy friend get in a complicated situation trust me most guys won't help because the first thing that will bug them would be the feeling like they're taking care of another man's woman...
"I instead think of other possibilities instead of being insecure like you."
you're more like you focus on the exceptions to the rule.
Using your logic stop asking me then why your sister shouldn't have only guy friends what's the issue with that... or you're just afraid the shit you're preaching is most likely not going to hold up here even though you're not a mind reader too lol.
with your "anecdotal, anecdotal " bs... I don't have to know every single Human being on this planet to know everything last living being will die one day man...
oh and good-luck trying to be this kind of friend in the clip below man im not stopping you!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRz_m8rNyH4

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Yeah sure you don't pretend you're like being friends with her because you don't really like her the way she is but you just want to smash i see. You're talking about "friendship" (with an obvious quotation mark) like desperately hoping to be in a relationship with her but i'm talking about this real friendship that has nothing to do with kissing like couples. Because it's all you think is friendship is always like that then i guess you also have to kiss with your male friends like gay couples do is that what you do? Because according to you that's friendship like you have your own meaning to it. You are so it is not genuine, like i said you cannot read anyone's mind so if you're basing it on yourself then like what i said, speak for yourself. Of course i am not a mind reader which is why i don't assume the worst in anyone. I don't ask you my sister is going to only hookup with males and she is a slut. Like what i said there is other possibilities and i can always use absence of an evidence to prove that she isn't a slut. So i wouldn't assume it's because of they are male. So you don't really have to know them because you just like to be so presumptuous about it. And as if every girls i met or just like her in the video because if it's just a random girl i don't really like and she's treating me like that that i don't really care because i wouldn't smas her anyways. The girls i am not attracted to outweighs the girls i am attracted to but if those girls friendzone me then of course i can just be friends with her because it is not her fault i am not her type. The problem is you generalizing that every male and female friendship has to be that girl in that kind of "friendship" in the video

[Aiko_E_Lara]

It's more like what you are saying is you can't be friends with someone you crush on not meaning all women

[Aiko_E_Lara]

And you know what else is a straw man argument? That's right, the way you say "because i'm not attracted to her that means she is ugly" ok i'm going to pretend she is really ugly to me but that's not stopping the fact that she actually has a boyfriend so that means he is not ugly to him but i dont care. But you see you always involve mumbai trips or something that sort just because someone is friends. This is what i start to feel like you don't have any friends because whenever you do you always feel like you have to bring them on a mumbai trip, have a honeymoon, smash, or whatever couples would do even if someone is a guy friend. You said you don't really how to know most people in the world but you're now assuming majority. Like really how do you know just because i youtube video said? I even said it in my mytake that chances are they are talking about just one kind of girl or certain girls that ball really away the rest of their female friends.

I said it before and i will say it again but it's more like you are saying you cannot be friends with your crush but that doesn't mean you cannot be friends with any girls.

[wonderfulstation404]

" "because i'm not attracted to her that means she is ugly" ok i'm going to pretend she is really ugly to me but that's not stopping the fact that she actually has a boyfriend so that means he is not ugly to him"
man don't you understand what you said earlier that "beauty is subjective " ?

Man at this point you win man. Sorry for underestimating your capabilities!

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Do you not understand what arguing at your level means? Do you not understand what "pretend for the sake of argument" means? After all it's your notion saying only ugly girls are my friends so yeah I pretended she really ugly but have a boyfriend which contradicts your notion.

[hannahjo022]

I never had one close straight guy friend. Most of them want to get in my pants, only used me for sex when nobody was available for them, and wanted to date. I just stopped having male friends and stuck with female friends. It makes me wonder why males are only good friends with attractive females. Am I not attractive enough to be their friend?

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Those are anecdotes. I can also say i have seen a lot of it but they never ask them for sex

[DaisyOpal]

I'm friends with a straight, 27-year-old guy from Iran, who's actually engaged to an Iranian woman. My relationship with Ahmad is not sexual in any way, shape, or form. However, we're more than just friends... we're like brother and sister now!

[lovelyhoneybones]

Girl, in no shape or form should a 27 year old be talking to a 16 year old regardless of whether you're like brother or sister or not.

[DaisyOpal]

@lovelyhoneybones it's supervised by my dad
I tell him everything Ahmad tells me.

[lovelyhoneybones]

That's even weirder.

[DaisyOpal]

@lovelyhoneybones oh yeah?🐩🐩🐩🐩🐩

[midnightmoon05]

Just friends… okay.
good friends no.
depends what level they connect on.
if you are my partner, I wouldn’t want you to run to a good female friend when we have differences.
if I am your partner, will you be okay with me running to a guy friend to stay over at his place and cry over his shoulder? Because he is so much understanding towards me than my partner? (You in this case)

[Aiko_E_Lara]

And you're another one of those basing it on themselves. If my partner runs to another guy then probably i'm not trusted. And of course i wouldn't ok with that because that would be like prefering to open up to a friend and not opening up to me and it's not because i think he's going to be her new boyfriend. But her having a good male friend alone is not really enough for me to refrain her because i can also be his friend. It's the very same thing is she goes with her brother instead. But the problem is you just have to involved relationship into this but what if she she is single then? She still cannot be good friends with a guy? Maybe it's because just you cannot speak for yourself. Anyone can see each other as a sibling so doesn't always involve romance

[DaveJord]

Again I can only speak for myself... But I never had an attractive women show me any desire to be friends and I never met an attractive women that I just wanted to be just friends with. I have had plenty of women I was not attracted to want to be friends, but I already had friends.

Call me shallow but I am only speaking for myself, not on behalf of all men.

[midnightmoon05]

Aiko - talk to me when you are in a serious relationship.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

@DaveJord so your logic is why you're not friend with those girls is because they're not attractive and you already have friends? Then that would really imply that you are attracted to your male friends that's why you're friends with them so but if you're not sexually attracted to male friends then i don't see your point being friends with girls who you are not sexually attracted with but of course i'm not afraid to call you shallow though

[Aiko_E_Lara]

@midnightmoon05 what for? I can still say im close friend to someone who already has a boyfriend but am i sexually attracted to her is the question. Now before you say she is ugly then she wouldn't have a boyfriend in the first place. I don't really live in a society where all of you are just really depressed and all lonely in your rooms. That's a first world problem for you.

[DaveJord]

@Aiko_E_Lara. I can see this is really important to you... so again if you need the validation then I will be the better person.

Wow, Aiko I never realized I was such a loser, until I tried to reply to you're post and had you totally judge me. You're the best for having a highly superior opinion, if I had come to court of Aiko to be so completely judged, I never would of known or learnt how completely superior you are. Thanks.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

@DaveJord I'm just gonna say it here because of your butt being hurt why you chose to block me before i can even make a response. You call people a loser yet you're ironically being a snowflake trying to run away dismissing arguments with such sullen reactions.

So I was saying, When is this even a question? Can you not read the title? Where's the question in the title tho. The whole point of this post is I completely disagree that men and women can't be friends which is why this isn't even a question post. Really why do i have to argue with people i agree with like what's the point? According to you, that's looking for validation and "oh no i feel so judge it makes me wanna kill myself" is basically what you're saying like I care. Also the judgement part, It's also ironic when people judge men and women being friends. So if they can do that, why can't i? You trying to support hypocrisy as long as it favors your view like double standards?

[Aiko_E_Lara]

@DaveJord Also you're already aware I did delete your previous reply and I'm not afraid to be honest about it just to be fair. After all, what you said here is the same whining from you

[midnightmoon05]

Aiko… we can chat further when you have a very serious girlfriend.
I understand your argument… that you can be her “good friend” while she is dating another dude.
You totally lost respect for your manhood while hanging with a female who is taking.

I was married and have 2 beautiful children with my ex husband. We get along well for the best interest of our children. After years of learning, growing, better ourselves… we have found ea. other another better halves.
The four adults get along well… but never crossed the line of me hanging out with my ex husband… etc…
My partner now… was in your position … was happy to be another woman’s “gay friend” while she used him for years… he is regretting the years he wasted to a narccistic person….
Now realizing … the beauty of being in a healthy romantic relationship with a woman who loves him back.

You are young… take your time to figure that out…

Again… I will be happy to chat with you when you have a serious romantic relationship… till then… learn as much as you can… stay away from females who do not volum you.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

@midnightmoon05 How about no because you have nothing to do with my life and all you’re doing is just making hasty assumptions. You also assume I lost respect of my manhood but did I say I wanna smash her because I found her attractive? Really why must every girls need to be attracted by me to respect my manhood? The reason why I’m not getting a girlfriend yet is because my business is a priority and I can get a serious girlfriend which is a girl who im really attracted to not like my female friend who has a boyfriend who isn’t even my type.

I’m not even interested about your life and what you’re giving is just an anecdote. I can also say I know people who are over 40 who also has friends with the opposite gender. They had been loyal to their wives and husbands as well and to top it off, they’re older than you. So what does me being younger than you have to do with anything when 40 year old morons like you exist? That’s pretty much every boomer’s go to argument as an excuse to losing creditability. Whether you buy it or not, it’s just an anecdote after all.

So in short, your notion is no men and women have a "good" friendship (which you just like to misconstrue as platonic friendship) otherwise they might catch feelings for each other. Then that would also mean no men and men or women and women have a "good" friendship otherwise they might just be gays or lesbians. So in conclusion, good friendships don’t exist then because of all the assumptions people make. So how about this, can bisexuals have friends?

[DaveJord]

@Aiko_E_Lara. I was just trying to be nice, but since I think you're kinda calling me out so you can make yourself feel better...

I think guys that aren't in there own personal romantic relationship and not gay, and latch on to women as friends are losers. They value the friendship because without it there would be no. women in your life at all.. They don't have their own romantic and personal relationship, so theu leech on the curtails or backs of the people involved in their own meaningful relationships with someone else.. which is better to them than being completely lonely and disconnected from opposite sex.

Most guys who have female friends, either dated them before moving on or would of dated them if they had the chance, or would consider dating in tge future... once you're in the friend zone with a women its near impossible to escape it. So if "I" have a sexual interest in a women... the last thing I want is to be her friend, I want her to see me for what I am and what I want. I honestly I have a aexual interest in about every women I would want to get personally involved with.

So not I don't think I could be just friends with a person, I'd totally fuck if I could. So you're lying to yourself, gay or a loser.

So honestly I am saying loser.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

@DaveJord Well you're ironically calling me out for being a judgmental person judging you. So again what's with your hypocrisy and i see you only unblock me just to make further responses so you still haven't move on after all after i had made much better point than you.

And look at you speaking for most guys. Have you even met most guys in the world? Because if you say yes and you're still alive, i doubt you. But if no then how do you expect me to take that seriously like speaking for most guys you haven't even met? I did talk about how every girl doesn't automatically mean it is the guys and same goes for vice versa type because if it is then everyone would just be cheaters that would include girls. So yes you're just going to pretend you didn't see if that so that you can die to yourself with your own delusions and notion.

[DaveJord]

@Aiko_E_Lara get real girlfriend and and get back to me.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Get a real life and come back to me

[19magic]

I love hanging out with guys and the friendships with them can be great but the last 7 guys who I've got close with all took it the wrong way and I had to pull away from them even when I really valued their friendship and I've helped them out through some tough times it was just hard. So while I wouldn't mind doing that again now I just wonder is this another guy who I'm going to have to avoid.