Straight Guys Being Friends With Girls Is Very Possible And It's Way More Common Than You Think! (Page 2)
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I would think guys are way "lazier" than putting effort to get to know someone they don't find attractive.
There is one exception, when you both attend the same school or you are both members of the same club and one day you start talking about something neutral or a school project or something. That could lead to a friendship without any attraction.
Maybe in your experience because there are also many girls saying that.
After reading the comments, I think I would need some clarification, what do you mean by being friends? It seems like a very subjective term.
Same as how you're friends with other girls.
I think you have to consider two scenarios in this. One is when you already know someone, dated like a lot of guys said. Yes, then it's possible.
The second scenario is when you want to make new friends, maybe you are new in town etc. You will go for people you are attracted and/or drawn to.
You will not start a conversation with an ugly girl to see she might have a great personality to be friends with.
Similarly, girls will not chat with guys who look like creeps.
When you want to make new friends, you will not get a chance if you're not what they are looking for.
But it's different when you talk to people because you have to or they don't have any pressure to interact with you, then after a while you can become friends, but then my first point applies, they've known you for a while.
Regardless, that's still considered friendship despite saying "it depends". You can not assume what people have in their minds when they say he/she is a friend because you can't read minds. Making assumptions is the laziest way to analyze things and lots of girls also do that.
One of my closest friends is female. I've known her for over 20 years and we dated 15 years ago. We just get along well and can talk forever. We confide personal stuff to each other and are very close. I feel bad for her boyfriends because she gives them an ultimatum that they have to be cool with her being friends with me. I also feel bad for them because she always cheats haha. If I thought she would be faithful I might want to marry her but I don't see her ever changing in that way.
I have a couple other female friends that are married that aren't that close but we stay in touch. They are all from high school which was almost 20 years ago for me.
That said I don't know any other guys that have a close female friend so it must be rare.
Then that's not considered friendship but you're just in love with her but that's not really the case for anyone else. Friendship don't have to involve dating. I'm also friends with a male but does it mean i date him? no way.
Kids have crushes. Adults should have self-control. Flirting with and spending time with other women will impact on your current relationship. It's something you do BECAUSE you don't value your current relationship. Or you don't even have a relationship.
"It's something you do BECAUSE you don't value your current relationship." <-- That's an assumption and has nothing to do with it. So because i'm also friends with a guy, that means I'm "flirting" with him? I don't know if that's what you consider friendship but that seems kinda shallow. Why does friendship have to involve flirting and spending more time with them?
No, I'm not saying that being friends automatically means you flirt but there's the possibility and your partner/spouse, if they have any sense at all, will think about that when you decide you'd rather spend 5 hours hanging out with your "platonic" female friend instead of your significant other. It's like spending time in a store room with mountains of cocaine while claiming you're not a drug addict. Where there's smoke, there's often fire. It's just how reality works. And even if you genuinely have zero interest in your friend they may have an interest in you. The way to fix that is when both people have a significant others and both couples do things together as a group. If you say, you don't want to do that it raises other questions. The world is full of people you can be friends with and half of them aren't the opposite sex. I always laugh when a guy says he's just friends with women and it's 100% platonic but then you look and see how none of his female friends are fugly/obese. They all are just coincidentally the exact same type of chick he wants to bang. Oh well.
While saying "there is a possibility" you should also consider that "there is a possibility" that they're just friends. It's like this. There is also a possibility for anyone to be a criminal, a creep, a whatever taboo but just because there is a possibility, you're just like presuming anyone to be guilty until proven innocent. If you really want me to prove that if I see guys and girls being friends, I can always use absence as an evidence.
I also said "The whole notion is basically like "My sister is a girl so we can't be siblings anymore because I might get turned on or something" But of course you're just gonna say "It's rare to feel sexually attracted to your sister" then guess what other men feel about their female friends? It's just like that."
You're talking about "platonic" kind of friendship. But by saying "men and women can't be friends" you generalize all friendship is platonic. Because saying "men and women can't be friends" is a generalization of all kinds of friendship.
Oh and one more thing. It doesn't really take an obese women for someone to consider not her type. There are many "attractive" models people still don't find attractive so yeah beauty is in the eye of the beholder which is subjective. You can laugh at them but really we all know in fact that you're still just making assumptions based on how law of nature really works. Because in reality, you can't ever read anyone's minds.
I mean't "platonic" as in obvious quotation mark. But again if you just wanna keep laughing at guys saying they're just friends, maybe you can just speak for yourself.
" you're just like presuming anyone to be guilty until proven innocent." -- And? The world is full of disloyal people acting like total whores while claiming to be loyal to the person they're with. We must look at how people act to determine if they're trust worthy not their words. But I get it... you have a strongly held belief.
I know stranger danger, take precautions, be careful who you go with, "etc. basic safety precautions" But how do you expect people to actually make connections, be social, grow a civilization, start a business or etc if all they do is presume everyone are weirdos? If you have issues then that's not our problem. It's not our fault you feel that way with being friends with women making you so narrow minded about it.
What you do is slowly build trust. If someone says they're not a bank robber but you see them casing banks and hanging out with known bank robbers they are probably lying. Where there's smoke there's probably fire as I said. And people who get this also don't want to create smoke in the minds of their spouse/partner. It's all connected.
I did think like you before I had a woman who really was 100% committed to me because they act very different when they really believe in being with you as opposed to taking an easy ride with you & playing you. Just my experience in life.
And what if he is not chasing banks? Just like if he is not chasing girls? He's just friends with some girls but not chasing girls? Like what i said you are talking about most suspicious kind of people but do you think all people are suspicious tho? If you want to build trust and you should have done that from the very beginning before you even make a commitment. And if you did think like me before what makes you think i'm really going to change my mind?
Also every guys at some point will always have female friends in their lifetime and same goes for girls but if you're really that insecure then there is no point of you having girlfriend if you're just going to assume the worst of everyone.
You can even be attracted to some people but, realising you two wouldn't be a good match in relationship, you decide to be just friends. People behave as if we were animals and as soon as we spot something we like even remotely, we jump on that. That's not real and that's also not real life.
Completely possible to be friends with other gender even if you are straight and you find them somewhat attractive. But when person is a complete match, that's impossible to ignore.
And animals don't even try to jump on all women. There are still those they leave behind. Those impossible to be friends with you're talking about are those specific kind of "friends" that doesn't really outweigh the rest
I was oddly popular with women in college. I've always made friends easily, and women seem to like me (as a friend).
Times have changed and it's not really a good idea to associate with women in college anymore, but I'd you really trust them, it's ok.
I'd never date a women I went to college with or worked with, it's way to risky for a man to do so anymore. Friends ONLY is the rule on campus these days.
It's possible because not everyone is looking for a hook up. However, most people keep that possibility open by not giving their intentions flat out.
Because the moment you bring it up it gets awkward. The idea starts floating out there and anything you do or say (e. g. invitation for a drink) that doesn't sound platonic will be connected to that conversation.
I feel like this is only thought of if the person went to an all boys or all girls school, or they never had siblings. It's impossible to ignore half the population. My best friend since age 12 is a woman and both our current partners love the sibling dynamic we have. I only discriminate gender with lovers. Friends, relatives, coworkers I will see the same regardless of gender.
Don't know why but if I become good friends with someone, that is a sign I'm not attracted. If I was, they are not a friend and we would have already hooked up by then.
Bullshit. If the chick is ugly than yes. I have never seen an attractive female just be friends with males. Maybe on her end. All of my male friends eventually confessed to liking me.
In case you didn't realize that beauty is subjective. There are many models that their men don't find attractive despite all popular they are so that has nothing to do with it. Someone we be ugly to you but they can be beautiful to someone else. So I don't really know if you're beautiful no offense but what your giving is just an anecdotal example
You do realize models are only walking hangers, right? Models now a days are exotic because it looks different. Models back in the 90s and early 2000s were what society considered attractive women. Not only that, but most models are CONVENTIONALLY attractive. They are slim, very small features, long hair most of the time. They are in fact attractive women. I don't understand why you're so against the fact that males and females simply can not be JUST friends. Let me break down what JUST a friend is. That's someone you don't want to stick your dick in, someone you don't fantasize about, someone you are not in love with. Beauty can be subjective but there is a clear definition of what attractiveness is, you dancing around it doesn't change that.
I can still see how there still people who can be attracted when those models in the early 90s and early 2000s. You're talking about societal standards and yes you can say they are attractive but that doesn't mean they are every men's type. Just like how you even called them attractive, does it mean you are a lesbian now? Because that is a straw man argument just like what you're doing. Also i don't understand why you are so against the fact that male and female can actually be just friends just like how are i explained it. The reason why i'm against people saying they cannot be friends is because that is a hasty generalization and it is a logical fallacy. You assume that all girls are guys type that's why they all can't be friends with guys. If you want to talk about fantasizing like how you want to "break it down" you say, here is a fact for you, there is no way you can read anyone's mind and realistically you have never met most people in the world and even if they do fantasize about someone, that doesn't necessarily mean you want the person. I even used that sister example, just because the sister is a girl means they are going to stop being siblings because he might get turn on? Out of all the siblings in the population of the world i doubt there is actually at least one of them or even hundreds of them fantasizing about their sister but doesn't mean they would really smash her. So really what if someone is a bisexual? That means all bisexuals have no friends than because they might "fantasize" about anyone. So yes all being said is a no true scotsman fallacy.
@lovelyhoneybones Not everyone is into slim bodies, not everyone into white skin color either. Some societies even consider marks made on skin due to injuries as a beautiful thing. So, yeah beauty and attractiveness is subjective.
Men are visual creatures. Men usually find women that are pretty or has a nice body to be attractive. Go around and ask men if they find attractive women... attratctive. You're a man, you should know that better than anyone. Yes, I'm able to realize what an attractive women is based off of what MEN find attractive. I personally don't think the women that men deem attractive as attractive, but it's called being informed, not being a lesbian. In order for me to be a lesbian, I would have to want to have sex with these women or be willing to have sex with these women. I'm not but you know who is? Men. How is a fact a straw man theory? Do you even know what a straw man theory is? If you're so convinced hundreds and thousands years of proof is false, look at most male and female friendships. I mean, look at your own comment section. It is in our nature as humans to want to have sex with the opposite gender. I have girlfriends that are friends with males and guess what? They fucked every single one of them. Again, like I said in my original comment, I used to have so many male friends and everytime I blinked one of them wanted to fuck me. That was back when I was subjectevly attractive. I have gained weight in the past few years and guess what? Now I don't find any issue in being friends with males because I am not longer considered attractive because I'm fat. That's how attraction works.
What's attractive is recognised by the vast majority of people. Beauty is subjective but the average person prefers and recognises general beauty. There is an ENTIRE study on this. Even babies are able to recognise what an attractive person looks like. There is a very small amount of people that can be friends with the opposite sex and not want to have sex with them. Either they are gay, not attracted to their opposite sex friends or they used to have feelings but got over them. I don't even feel confident saying gay because there are plenty of gay people that have sex with their opposite sex friends.
Definition of Attractiveness is : pleasing or appealing to the senses. So yes attractiveness is subjective.
Sure there is a evolutionary argument about attractiveness but we are sentient enough to go against all those evolutionary rules.
>There is a very small amount of people that can be friends with the opposite sex and not want to have sex with them
You have to remember that being attracted to some person is not the same thing as wanting to have sex with them. Ariana Grande is very attractive but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with that person.
Men may be also visual but that doesn't really mean did already have their own criteria or standards. You really sure cannot differentiate just simply finding someone attractive and considering someone their type. So what about you? You're agreeing those girls are attractive so are you a lesbian now? That what you call a no true scotsman fallacy. But you see how you just like to deny that you're not a lesbian and giving your own explanation how does the very same thing that man giving compliments is just a compliment or just simply thinking so. And of course i know what a strawman argument is and i really did search for its meaning and it described perfectly. So you are telling me to look around and you want me to prove it? I can just use absences an evidence because by just looking around you cannot release see or tell what's going on so yeah the evidence is absence. While you are trying to prove anything, you're just giving anecdotes really. I mean if it's really ok to give anecdote that i can also say in my experiences men and women can be friends because i've seen a lot. That is an anecdote. Also i did mention something about just because someone wanting sex doesn't mean they are romantically attracted to each other.
They're still difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction really and friendship that involves something sexual is also called friends with benefits but that's not always the case of all women. Because most of the time guys only fantasize. They don't really do it. So would you consider a cheating then just because your boyfriend is fantasizing about someone even though if it is not his friend? Well everybody has the rights to do that and so do you. I did check my own comment section and what i also noticed so far is that there are also many men and women agreeing with my my take and also those people who disagreed with me are given an argument and they stopped after i have given a point. About that baby studies of yours though, who is exactly is saying that attractiveness is not recognized by people? So if you say that babies can find someone attractive, they want to have sex with that person? Because according to your logic finding someone attractive automatically means having sex right? You see, i'm basically arguing at your level i thought you know what a straw man argument is
I don't have women that are friends, I have women that are acquaintances. Nobody treats me like a friend, I don't get daily anything from any women.
So I don't believe that men and women can be friends. If that's true then logic would dictate I would at least have a couple women that were friends but I don't.
Because you're not speaking for yourself. If men and women cannot be friends due to complicated reasons, then that means bisexuals cannot have friends since they can be attracted to both genders.
I been friends with a female for almost 40 years. We been friends longer then I have been married to my wife
Plus she is best friends with my wife
Yeah I been friends with several girls for many years, over 15 years some of them. Don't see why it's so weird or hard to grasp.
TL;DRIf you are in a committed relationship, there is nothing positive that will come from you or your significant other having opposite sex friends.
You can just be ignorant tho. It's not my problem
@Aiko_E_Lara I'm afraid that you are the true ignorant and again extremely naïve here. you sound like you never been in the situation above. when you do get to experience it though then you can have the authority to call others ignorant
@CasaNorba Yeah side with someone who don't even read anything. Also something you missed is "But even if you talk about most guys having that 1 specific female friend he can't be friends with, it doesn't mean it's the same feelings for the rest of his female friends where there are more than 1 of them so those female friends they don't have feelings on outweighs the female friend they can't be friends with so it turns out it's not so common as you think. So if they're talking about that kind of girl, that may also be not the same for other girls. So in an interview, they may just be talking about one girl as a example, people can easily generalize that all of his friends are like that as it gives it that illusion." So yeah in my experience, i find it hard to be friends with my crush but that doesn't mean every other girls are my crush and they outweigh who i liked. So how about I say you're the ignorant one for jumping to conclusions so soon? Just calling someone naive and not reading anything doesn't make you truthful
a man and woman can never just be friends because a man's brain works different
They may work different but individually, that has nothing to do with it because every brain is different. So yes you can just speak for your own experience but in reality you never met most men in the world
Real men not today’s men/boys
Speak for yourself not on my behalf
And you've also never met most of real men in the world so? That is a straw man argument if i ever heard one.
I am just speaking for myself, but I agree with Sam
kiddo move on
And how about you move on over the fact that men and women can really be friends? It's more like you are keeping grudges over men because you believed they cannot be friends. That's why you cannot move on. Im a kiddo so what? Better than adult babies like you
I agree to an extent some female friends are more alike with my male friends than they care to admit.
I have a close female friend and we are both interested in each other's takes on things because our brains work different.
Anecdotes. I'm also friends with a male but why am i not dating him? Same reason why i dont date my female friends. If you speak for everyone else saying they have the same experience like you then i can do the same thing
Agreed and just that gives you a follow!
True for me if I've been good friends with them for a long time like since kids maybe but it's usually girls I don't find sexually attractive like if they were down to f*ck I'd stay friends.
I went from having all female friends in my childhood to all male friends after high school. We just naturally parted ways. I don’t doubt it’s possible, but in my experience it isn’t all that frequent.
Sure. That's an anecdote by the way
Guys can Never be friends with a girl, Unless man already have a girlfriend or he is a S. I. M. P. or gay.
I already gave my explaination why they can. Just saying it never will doesn't make you any truthful or you can just speak for yourself
I can easily say a guy who never wanna be friends with girls are just fuckboys or those who objectify women who can't control themselves. Easily said
First of all, I'm not going to go into a debate with you, because It is very obvious you have a Strong believe that guys can be friends with girls, where I completely disagree with that statement. Second of all, you statement that guys who don't want to have girls as friends are just fuckboys is a complete nonsense that makes absolute zero sense. I suggest us to be civilized here and go our own ways. You have asked the question and I simply have given you my personal answer.
For the same reason you stated who are friends with the girls are just gays or SIMPS can i can easily say it doesn't make any sense just to backfire your own logic. Also you failed to realize that this post isn't a question. It's a MyTake so I am not asking for any validation here because i'm already well aware about girls and guys being friends is possible so I don't have to ask any questions for validation. Anyone can disagree what i can simply disagree to anyone disagreeing instead of making any censorship.
Also yes you admit it is personal so speak for yourself. You can call anyone stupid for saying what i said but you don't think you're stupid for whatever reason for saying that
In my experience, not really, sex generally fucks up a good friendship
All what I know making true friendship with women will make men like declawed lion. You can have good relationship with women if she's your co worker or something connect both of you. But true friendship no way
Like really you wouldn't know. Of all the men in the world you assume non of it is possible. In the end, you're just presuming really. It's no different if a girl is bi and has a female friend just like her boyfriend who also gets along with each other due to common interests. But the question is, how would you exactly know they're gonna have a 3 some? Unless you use up all your time to spy on people just to confirm that.
I think men and women can be friends but it depends on the dynamic. If a man or woman has feelings that are not mutual it’s going to cause problems.
Everything depends on the dynamic not just men and women friendship
Agreed
I have so many straight male friends and none of them want to date me, that I know of anyways, and I never suspect they want to date me. It’s nice to have male friends, just to have male friends.
I think our generation has changed the big divide among the genders enough so we have more things in common so that can actually have mutually beneficial friendships completely platonic without pressures of the differences in gender its a very good way for a person to have perspective. To be honest if i have trouble with my wife am i askkng my guy friends or female friends more than likely i would like to know a females opinion not that all females are alike but i feel females have a much better understanding as how my wife would feel its a stupid analogy but the best i could do.