Search Results: not feel so hurt

I had been seeing this guy for the last 6 months. He’s still carrying baggage from a divorce that occurred three years ago. His ex wife left him as he didn’t make enough money.

He’s been reluctant to take things to the next level with us as he says he needs to make a certain amount of money before he can feel like a man again. I’ve already told him his income is not what determines his manliness/attraction for me. He told me if my needs are not being met, he would like to be friends until he is closer to achieving his financial goals. So I walked away but it still hurt. Guys, would you give up a relationship if you weren’t there financially?

The backstory is a guy I met online over a year ago started acting different and friend zoned me some months after I found out his real identity.

I’m feeling hurt and I want him to know that but also open to talking through the issue if he wants to.

I came up with two different messages I’m thinking of sending. One is really long and the other is more to the point without excessive details.

We still talk regularly.

Which do you prefer?

A. Hey so there’s something that I’ve been wanting to share with you for quite awhile now.

I’m feeling confused and hurt knowing that you continued to engage in sexual conversations with me for so long when you were actually feeling wary of me. It really makes me wonder if you are being genuine with me at all.

As I said almost a year ago, I fully understand if you don’t want to talk now that I know who you are. But feeling like I need to pretend that I don’t know your name and having to wonder whether you’re talking to me just to avoid conflict makes me feel like the connection might not be natural anymore.

I know I can’t change your feelings, but I’m working on cultivating more self-love and that doesn’t negate mine. As much as I enjoy talking to you, unless we can talk this through and change our dynamic, I feel that I’m disrespecting myself by continuing to chat with you.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this!

B. Hey so I wasn’t expecting you to reach out after I left (website where we met) and after some thought, I think I need to let this friendship go.

I’m working on cultivating more self-love, and as much as I enjoy talking to you, unless our dynamic changes, continuing to do so is hurting my self-esteem.

Open to talking about it but also don’t want to bore you with a long message.

Take care 😊

I met this guy online over a year ago now and found out that he told me a pseudonym instead of his real name. For a long time he just played it cool but a few months ago he told me that he wasn’t comfortable with me calling him by his real name and now he’s putting me in the friend-zone after he had told me that he wanted to meet me in real life. I honestly am feeling unwanted, humiliated and inferior although I can understand why he felt threatened by me finding this out.

Part of me wants to hold on and see if with time he is able to trust me again but I also feel so hurt that I’m wanting to let go. What should I do? Also do I say goodbye or ghost him?