Search Results: who asks first

So I was kicked out of a group for exposing a man and people felt that I was “bitter” and called me “crazy” for speaking my truth on this man. It was a very invalidating experience.

Let me be clear on why I’m exposing him…

1. He did not respect my boundaries when it came to having sex and ended trying to use manipulation. I made it clear to him before we exchanged numbers that I wasn’t in a space to have sex or be in a relationship. He kind of wanted to know why etc and he wasn’t pushy.. but he said things he felt I NEEDED to hear… and at first I’m thinking wow maybe he is genuine and understanding. Looking back it was hard to see his “coercive behavior…” to get what he wanted and wanted to gain my trust. Even saying how can I make you feel safe

2. Subtle changes in behavior after telling him that I wanted to take things slow with him and gaslighting.. I did end up liking him and when I said that… that’s when it started taking hours for him to respond and then it went to days… only to get a “sorry really busy”…. But it kept happening and I confronted him and he tried to say that I needed to “heal”….. but it was strange behavior coming from a man who was trying to make me feel “safe” initially…

3. Disrespect… (devalue/discard) everything was cool on the date at first but then he became disrespectful and rude… he started asking when I last had sex, dildos, negging behavior and some insults.

4. Not being honest about his real name even on the date.. I asked him if “Craig” was his real name and he said yes… I get you want to protect yourself but he really did not want to tell me his name and seemed annoyed when I asked. It was very fishy

5. After the “date” i tried finding a “gf”…. Bc i felt like he was talking to someone.. he has no social media presence and keeps things private

6. He is possibly bisexual or closeted based on some things I found

Long story short, we matched & spoke for a few wks on bumble a few months ago. He asked to meet up, the times he gave weren’t working & I was new at a job/stressed at the time. He follows up again during this time & I didn’t follow through, flash fwd to a little over a month ago & I regretted not meeting up. I sent him a well thought message & he never replied so I assumed he wasn’t interested. 2 wks ago, we end up matching on another app & I was shocked. He msgs me saying he remembers me & I told him I tried reaching out recently but apparently he didn’t know bc he hasn’t checked bumble in a while. He is the one who then asked for another chance from me since I thought he left me on read a few months ago.

We met up for first time last Sat afternoon, he bought me food at this casual Mexican spot & he seemed okay with continuing talking but I ended it a little over the hr mark (said I had to finish errands). He asked if I had something planned & I said yes, he wanted to know where my car was & wanted to walk me to my car. I was kind of walking in front of him though, I said thanks and he said have a good rest of your day. It’s not like he ended the meet-up or there was awkward silence during it, I felt like we both spoke enough/convo flowed fine but I must’ve overestimated it. Everyone on the internet is saying I made it obvious I wasn’t interested but he was kind of reserved too, I’ve acted less interested meeting guys before & they still wanted to meet again🤷🏻‍♀️. Sounds mutual in this case