Search Results: i am scared

I dont cry ever in front of anyone. i've only done that once since i was like 10 and it was because i couldnt contain myself. I downplay any emotion i have to others and i dont admit it when i'm scared or hurt by something. I also have a problem with affection and stuff like that. like i feel weak and embarrassed at times, wether it's with family or guys. i call my family gay a lot when they are too lovey dovey.

So Im in my freshman year of college and I met this guy who i befriended with that we also hungout everyday whether alone or with friends. So, within the three months of fall semester, him and I got really close. Im not one who likes when people invade my space or touch me but I was comfortable with him. We always would talk in groups about how we're both not ready to date and how the timing for dating people is important. Basically during these we were ignoring how each of us felt or possibly felt. I often made the mistake of starting the conversation because that was how i truly felt at the time so i would forget that he could possibly like me and he would just agree.

So we were friends, he would hold my hand as a joke and laugh but eventually it stopped being like a joke and he just held it and he would often brush my hair back behind my ear and always like to be near and subtlety touch me or always felt the need to be in my space. There was a time where we were waiting for our friend since she had a late class in the evening so him and i sat on the bench and talked for a bit and when i looked over to him he was giving me these eyes and leaned in for a kiss and i was stunned but then my friend walked and saw us asking what we were doing.

A month later i saw on his snapchat story that a bee was flying around him and I replied to his story saying, "They love you." and then he proceeded to respond saying that he loved me. This is my first time ever being told I love you so i pretended i didn't see it and talked about something else. I was scared that he was just joking around again. The whole time this situationship was happening I was unsure of how I felt about him since he definitely didn't fit my boyfriend standards since he was quite selfish and immature which is the complete opposite of what I look for in a man. I dont talk to him anymore since we got into an argument, he told me he loved me but left when things got bad, is it possible he liked me that way?